Look Into The Heart
by VeneficaMelody
Summary: First Season. After a battle, Usagi is hurt and found by Mamoru, who takes her to his apartment. Her wounds cause her to stay with him and they form a tentative friendship, then overcome by a white-hot passion that surprises them both.
1. Default Chapter

**_

Look Into The Heart

_**

Chapter 1 >> 

Usagi in Mamoru's Apartment?! 

Keeping her eyes trained on the nearby youma, Sailor Moon began to power up her tiara. Wincing from the stinging heat as she grabbed the metal, Sailor Moon threw it quickly toward the enemy. "Moon Tiara Action!" 

As the youma was disolved into a pile of dust, the other Senshi crowded around Usagi. "Are you all right,Sailor Moon?" Mercury asked. "That youma burned your back pretty badly before it was destroyed." 

She shrugged and tried not to visibly wince as her back flared into pain. "It's nothing, minna. I'm fine." 

"You sure?" Jupiter asked, hitching up her ponytail. "That battle took a lot out of all of us." 

"Fine," Usagi grumbled. "Look, I should get home… See you in school Monday. Ja!" 

As the Moon Senshi ran away into the darkness, the other shrugged and made their way home. Only miles away from the battle scene, Sailor Moon had already de-transformed into Usagi and was now walking slowly. _Why are these battles so rough?_ she wondered. _And why do I have to get burned so badly every time I use my tiara?_

Feeling her energy draining, she stopped in the middle of the path and raised a badly burned hand to her forehead. "I feel… like I'm going to…" 

Her words were cut off as she fell to the dirt path in a dead faint. 

~*~*~

Running along a path in the park in the pre-dawn light, Chiba Mamoru fought to keep his thoughts off of a certain odangoed superhero. He had felt her pain last night, but had been unable to be there for her because of a certain arcade working friend's girlfriend problems. 

Motoki had come to him around nine last night, complaining that he thought Reika was seeing another man. Mamoru had told him that was the craziest thing he had ever heard. After all, Reika loved Motoki! She wouldn't just go and find another man! It had taken hours for Motoki to see the truth - and during that time Mamoru had felt Sailor Moon's desperate calling. He had refused to go, though, and fought the pain that also consumed him when she needed him and he didn't get there fast enough. He had wanted to be there, but… It would have been rude of him to desert Motoki. He just hoped that Sailor Moon was all right… 

Hearing a moan, he stopped in the middle of the path. Had he stumbled upon a lovers' tryst? Peering through the bushes, he saw a young girl lying there, obviously hurt. Stepping through the bushes, Mamoru went to her side and turned her over onto her back. "Odango?" he muttered, seeing who it was. 

But why was she hurt so badly? Had she been caught in the crossfire of the battle the Sailor Senshi had fought last night? If so, she must have been lying here for hours! Picking her up, careful not to hurt her any more, he carried her to his apartment. "Don't worry, Odango, I'll take care of you," he whispered. 

~*~*~ 

There was noise just at the edge of her conscious thought… What was that? It sounded like… someone talking? 

Opening her eyes slowly, Usagi saw an unfamiliar room. She was lying on her stomach, with her head turned toward the center of the room. _Where am I?_ she thought. Sitting up, Usagi looked around. It wasn't a room she knew… And who was talking? She couldn't see anyone… Were they in another room? 

"Hai, Fuhruya-san, but I have to take care of my… cousin today. I'll come in tomorrow and work extra hard." The voice drifted to her. It sounded familiar… She assumed he was talking on the phone because there was no audible reply. "Arigatou. Ja." 

She heard the click of a phone being hung up and heard footsteps coming her way. Who was it? What would they do to her? Did they… know that she was Sailor Moon? But, no, she had de-transformed before she had fainted. Who had brought her here? And where was here? She looked at the man who stepped through the door. "Mamoru?!" 

He smiled slightly. "Good, you're awake. How are you feeling?" 

"I… A little sore… Where am I?" 

Walking toward her, he retrieved a medical kit from the bedside table and sat beside her on the bed. "You're in my apartment. I found you in the park this morning… You were hurt pretty badly. What happened, Odango?" 

Usagi frowned at the hated nickname but said nothing about it. "I… I got caught in the battle last night between the Senshi and some monster…" she said nervously, hoping he would believe her. 

He nodded. "Hm… That's what I thought…" he said absently as he looked through the medical kit. 

"Um… What're you looking for?" she said slowly. "Bandages," he murmured. "I just noticed that your hands were burnt badly, as well. I thought it was only your back earlier…" 

She looked down nervously, not meeting his eyes, knowing that the burns on her hands came from her tiara and not the enemy. "I-I'll be okay," she said softly. 

"No, I don't want you going anywhere. Those wounds could get infected. Is there anyone you want to call?" 

She frowned in thought. "No… My parents would just worry and my friends will blame… Well, never mind." 

_They'll blame Tuxedo Kamen for not being there to save me,_ she finished in her mind. 

"They'll blame you?" he suggested softly. "Is that you're worried about? That your friends will blame you for unknowingly walking into a battle where you could have been killed?" 

She blushed. "I… No, it's nothing like that… I just… My friends are kind of protective." 

"Oh." He looked up in victory as he held up more bandages. "Here we go. Now, let's take care of your hands." Spreading cream on them and then wrapping her hands tightly with the bandages, Mamoru looked at her. "Odango, you should be more careful. You could get seriously hurt, you know." 

Lowering her head, Usagi squeezed her hands into fists, welcoming the bite of searing pain. Why was she lying to him? Why couldn't she just tell him that she couldn't avoid these battles because she was the only one who could defeat the youma? Because she, klutzy, odangoed Tsukino Usagi was really Sailor Moon, champion of justice. He would probably think she was insane, and she was in no shape to transform just to prove it to him. 

"I… I know," she whispered. _But I can't stop fighting… I have to defend the universe against Beryl's evil reign._

"Odango, really. How can you keep on getting yourself in this situations?" 

She looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm not… I mean, I'm not in a 'situation,' I just… sometimes get in trouble, that's all." 

Usagi couldn't tell him the truth -- that she was Sailor Moon. He would think she was crazy! But what was she going to tell her parents? And the Senshi? 

"Odango, look… You sure you don't want me to call someone? Your parents, maybe? 'Cause you're not going to be leaving here for at least a week." 

"A week?!" she stared at him in disbelief. "Why a week? I have school… meetings… stuff I have to do!" 

He shrugged. "Sorry, Odango, but that's not happening. Those burns are too severe." 

"Stop calling me Odango!" she finally cried. 

Grinning, Mamoru picked up the medical supplies, replacing them in the pristine white kit. "Gomen, it's just so easy to tease you. Demo… I'm sorry. I shouldn't do that -- especially not when you're hurt." 

Usagi smiled softly. "Thanks…" 

Doing her best to avoid Mamoru's eyes, Usagi looked down at her clothes. "Um…" She paused, looking nervous. 

"Is something wrong?" 

Usagi shook her head. "No, nothing." 

_What happened to my skirt?_ she wanted to ask, but felt it might be a little awkward. Her blue pleated skirt was ripped up the side almost to her thigh. Had it happened when she fell? 

Noticing the direction of her eyes, Mamoru said, "Your skirt was ripped on a branch when you fell." 

Looking up in relief, she smiled. "Oh. I-I was just wondering…" 

He grinned. "Don't worry about it. It's obvious you would be worrying about something like that. After all… We all do." 

Shrugging, Usagi looked at him quizzically. "Mamoru… Why are you being nice to me? Usually you tease me and insult me…" 

He looked trapped at her question. "Uh… Well, I don't know, you seemed so helpless in the park…" 

"Helpless?" 

_I probably was,_ Usagi thought. _Fainting all alone in a park in the dead of night… Anybody could've come by and harmed me! How stupid could I be? I knew I was hurt… I should've let one of the Senshi walk me home! But I had to be stubborn… I'm just glad Mamoru showed up!_

"Odango?" 

She looked up at him. "Wh-what?" 

"You looked like you were deep in thought… Anything you want to share?" 

Shrugging, Usagi averted her eyes. "I was just… thinking that I'm glad you showed up. Anything could've happened if you hadn't…" 

He smiled. "Don't worry, you're safe now." 

Nodding, Usagi picked nervously at the sheet beside her. "You know… My parents will be really worried… I can't tell them where I am, though! They'd go insane! Maybe… I could tell them I'm staying with a friend so they won't go crazy…" 

He frowned. "What if you just tell them you were hurt and I was trying to help? It's the truth." 

"I know, but my father would see it as a 'sin' being alone with a man… Besides… they think I'm with friends this weekend anyway. One night won't matter." 

"One night? Oda-- er, Usagi, you'll have to be here for at least a week, I told you. It'll take time for your wounds to heal." 

"A week?" She looked so sad and pitiful that he felt sorry for her. "But I can't stay here for a week! What about school? My friends? My family?" 

"I'll write you a doctor's excuse for school." At her confused look, he clarified, "I'm an intern at a nearby hospital; it'll be easy. Your friends will just have to be curious about it until you can fill them in. As for your family… Just tell them you're staying with a sick friend." 

Usagi still looked nervous about this plan. "Are you sure? It's not very practical…" Then she stopped, a stricken look on her face. "Oh my… I just sounded like Ami!" 

Mamoru laughed. "Is that such a bad thing?" 

"Well… Ami's the 'brains' of our group, you know? It'd be kinda weird for the klutz to start sounding brainy all of sudden, wouldn't it?" 

"Hm… You could be right. It could mean a disaster for klutzy Odango to start spouting off like a genius." 

She frowned, turning hurt eyes toward him. "Do you… really mean that? I can't be smart, no matter how hard I try?" 

"No, Od-- Usagi, that's not what I meant!" he said quickly. "What I meant is… You're not like other people. You're clumsy, sure, but that's what makes you, you. Your hairstyle may be a little bit different, but that's part of your personality; your look." 

"Then… Why do you always tease me about my hair?" 

He looked at her in mild surprise. "Well… You're easy to tease. I can't explain why it's fun…" 

"Fun? You call hurting my feelings 'fun'?" 

Mamoru stared at the tears shimmering in her eyes. _Uh oh…_ "Usagi, come on. I was only kidding… I don't really want to hurt you." 

"You… You don't?" 

Seeing her pleading, hurt expression, Mamoru came to a realization. He really didn't want to hurt her… Not in any way. The only thing he wanted was for her to be happy. That was a shocker! Hadn't he wanted to make her life miserable? And now… What, was he falling for her? It couldn't be! 

Then, he realized he hadn't answered her question. "Really, Usagi, I don't mean to hurt you." 

She smiled tremulously at this. "Thank you. I know I'm a klutz and I get bad grades… But I try, I really do." _And I'm bad in battle,_ she added mentally. _I shouldn't be the leader; I always klutz out and need Tuxedo Kamen to save me._

He nodded. "Usagi, of course you try. That 30% you had the first time we met wasn't your best effort, was it? I'm sure if you applied yourself and really studied, you could make some progress with your grades. As for the clumsiness… All you need is to find that natural grace that's there somewhere inside you." 

_Applied myself? That's what I did on the test he saw! But… Maybe I could try a little harder…_ she thought. _As for the grace…_

"Mamoru, come on! You've seen me -- you know how many times I trip, the 'accidents' I get into! There's no way I could have 'natural grace' in any bone in my body!" 

He shrugged. "Maybe the grace isn't in your bones… Maybe it's in your heart." 

Usagi looked at him, hearing the soft words he spoke. "You… think? You really think I have what it takes to be… beautiful?" 

His eyebrows shot up. "Beautiful? Usagi… You don't have to work at that!" 

"Oh… So you think I should stay ugly?" she asked in a hurt voice. 

Mamoru laughed. "Usagi… You're already beautiful!" 

She looked surprised. "I am? No, you're just saying that! Mamoru, can't you stop teasing me?" 

"Usagi, I'm not joking! You really are beautiful." 

Looking at his suspiciously, she said, "You… think so?" 

He nodded. "Definitely." 

Smiling, Usagi looked down. "Nobody's… ever said that I'm beautiful before." 

She winced as the pain in her back and hands became more pronounced. "Just sleep," Mamoru murmured. "Everything will be okay." 

Lying on her stomach, Usagi closed her eyes and allowed sleep to claim her, drowning out the pain that threatened to consume her. 

~*~*~

On Monday morning, everyone wondered where Usagi was. "Did she make it home after the battle?" Makoto asked Ami. 

"I called her house yesterday and they said that she was staying with a friend… I said it must be either you or Rei because I had no knowledge of it… So maybe she's with Rei?" 

Makoto shrugged. "I hope so. 'Cause if not, there's a major problem." 

"We'll find out after school," Ami said. "There's a meeting at the shrine today. If Usagi doesn't show, we know there's something wrong." 

~*~*~

"What do you mean Usagi's missing?!" Rei cried. "I thought she was with one of you!" 

The others looked slightly ashamed that they had not escorted Usagi home on the night of the last battle, because that had been the last time she had been seen. "You don't think she's hurt, do you?" Makoto asked. 

"You don't really think…" Ami said hesitantly. "That she was… raped, do you?" 

No one knew what to say -- or think. Their precious Usagi, raped by a madman? "It can't be… Not Usagi… I'll check the fire!" Rei said quickly. 

As the Shinto priestess read the flickering flames, the Senshi of Mercury and the Senshi of Jupiter were very worried for their friend. What would happen to Usagi? What had already happened to her? 

* * *

_ Please review! ^_^ _


	2. Getting Along

**

_Look Into The Heart _

**

Chapter 2 >> 

Getting Along It had been almost a week since Usagi had awoken to find herself in Mamoru's apartment. During that time, they had formed a tentative friendship, forced by the close quarters. Usagi had begun to move around the apartment, finding that Mamoru's life was sterile, if not totally bland. How did he live like this? Usagi saw no signs of anything personal in the apartment. 

In the living room, there was a black leather couch, big screen tv, and coffee table. In the kitchen were the usual appliances, cabinets, counters, and table. The bathroom held only the necessities. Nowhere were there any "personal" touches -- not even curtains! Why were there no photos of his family? His friends? 

For now, Mamoru was at work and Usagi left to her own devices. While wandering around the apartment, she had stopped in front of the bookcase. Medical textbooks… History… Essays written by famous professors… Nothing for enjoyment! "How does he live like this?" she whispered, shuddering as she moved into the kitchen to make herself something to eat. 

As she sat on the couch, watching 'Mystic Pizza' on television, the phone rang. She frowned. It had been the first time that had happened since the accident when Mamoru wasn't around… Should she answer it? 

Deciding it would be best, she picked up the phone, careful of her still stinging wounds. "Moshi moshi?" 

"Um… Hello… Is Chiba Mamoru there?" asked a hesitant female voice. 

Usagi frowned slightly. _His girlfriend?_ she wondered. "No, he's at work right now. May I take a message?" 

"No, no, thank you…" the woman said in a rush. "Er… You're Mamoru-sempai's girlfriend?" 

"Um… I…" Usagi stuttered. _Sempai? So she goes to school with Mamoru?_

There was a high-pitched giggle on the other end. "Oh, don't worry about answering! I'm sure Mamoru-sempai doesn't like people knowing he's got a girlfriend, ne? Anyway, I'll call back later -- or, maybe I won't. Let Mamoru-sempai know that Ayami called. Ja!" 

The dial tone buzzed in Usagi's ear and she frowned. "Uh huh…" she said slowly, nervously as she placed the receiver in its cradle. So this girl thought she was Mamoru's girlfriend… Was that a good thing or bad? 

~*~*~

Entering his apartment, Mamoru took off his green blazer, hanging it on the coat rack, and threw his keys on the nearby stand. He looked around, not seeing Usagi in the living room, where she had usually been. "Usagi?" 

"In here," a voice muttered from the direction of the kitchen. 

Mamoru frowned. Usagi, in the kitchen? That wasn't good… On her last cooking attempt, she had almost burned down the entire apartment complex! Luckily, it had only been a small fire and Mamoru had been able to put it out easily. However, he didn't trust her to cook anytime soon. Hurrying toward the kitchen, he braced himself for what he might see. 

His mouth dropped open as he entered the kitchen. It was… clean! Cleaner than it had been when he had left, anyway. He looked at Usagi, glancing at her bandaged hands once he remembered her wounds. "Usagi… What are you doing?" he asked. 

She shrugged, putting a water-soaked towel in the sink. "I was… cleaning. Do you like it?" 

Nodding mutely, Mamoru looked around the spotless room. "Usagi, why did you do all this?" 

Shrugging, she commented, "I was bored." 

"What about your wounds, though? Aren't they still painful?" 

Usagi glanced away from him. "A little. I've… learned to live with pain, though." 

_As a Senshi, I have to able to withstand pain,_ she thought to herself. _I'd be a total wimp if I couldn't take a few wounds._

"Learned to live with it? Usagi, what's going on in your life that you accept pain as if it's something everyday?" 

She looked at him carefully. "Because it is." 

What was he thinking? What ideas were swimming around Mamoru's head of thick, lush ebony hair? Usagi shook her head to clear it. _Thick, lush ebony hair?_ she wondered. _What's gotten into me?_

"Usagi, pain isn't something you should be used to! At least, not pain like this. A scratch, a paper cut, heartbreak -- that's the pain that we live with. Maybe even, occasionally, a broken arm or something. But burns like these? No. Usagi, you shouldn't be 'used to' this kind of pain. What's hurt you like this before? How were you hurt so badly before this?" 

She turned from him. "Mamoru, it's not important." 

"Not important? Usagi… Tell me, who are you protecting? Who's been hurting you?" 

She stared at him. "H-hurting me?" 

_Does he really think it's someone in my family who's been hurting me?! No! It was a youma -- always a youma!_

"Usagi, please," he murmured, moving closer to her and tracing her cheek with a gentle hand. "I want to help you. Can you tell me… Who's been abusing you?" 

She sighed. "No one… Mamoru, I know you won't believe me, but no one's been hurting me." 

"Then how are you used to such pain? Usagi, please, let me help you." 

Usagi shrugged. "It's really nothing, Mamoru. Pain is… something that doesn't bother me anymore. Well, unless it's really bad. I've gotten good at 'pain management' over the time I've been Sa--" 

Stopping abruptly, Usagi cursed herself for what she had almost revealed. She couldn't slip up like that in front of Mamoru and let him realize she was Sailor Moon! How stupid could she be?! 

Mamoru frowned slightly. What had she been about to say? "Uhmm… Oh, Ayami-san called today. She was wanting to speak with you, and said she may call back later," Usagi said quickly, as a distraction for her little slip. 

"Ayami?" He frowned. "Hmm… She must've wanted to study again. I don't see why; she's the top in the class." 

_Study? Oh, so they're just friends!_ Usagi thought. "Mamoru-san… There's probably something you should know… Ayami-san thinks I'm your girlfriend. I-I tried to tell her the truth, that we're barely even friends, but she hung up before I could." 

He looked shocked, then smiled a little. "She thinks that, hm? Well, maybe that's better. I mean, I never did like Ayami's 'attentions' all the time. Thanks, Usagi-chan." 

She smiled shyly. "No problem." 

Glancing around the kitchen, he said, "Usagi-chan, what possessed you to do all this cleaning? You didn't have to, you know…" 

Shrugging, Usagi straightened up the towel hanging on the oven handle. "I don't know, I just felt like doing something nice. You've been so kind to me…" 

"It's the least I could do. I know I've always been rude to you before, so I thought I should pay you back, you know?" 

She nodded. "Oh." 

~*~*~

Rei frowned, looking at the others. "I can't find a hint of Usagi _anywhere_! Do you think something bad really did happen?" 

"No, Rei-chan, we can't think that!" Makoto cried. "We have to believe that we can find Usagi!" 

"You're right…" Ami said in a small voice. "But where could she be?" 

The group was sitting in the Crown Arcade, discussing their lost leader. Where could she be? It had been over a week since they had last seen her… 

Minako's cell phone shrilled loudly in the semi-silence of the arcade. "Moshi moshi?" 

["Minako-chan? It's Usagi."] 

"Usagi! Where've you been?! We've been so worried! Are you all right?" 

["Hai, I'm fine, Minako-chan. Are the girls all right?"] 

"Yeah, we're all fine. How about you, though? Usagi-chan, you can't just disappear without a word to anyone! Where are you?" 

["I'm… with a friend. Look, just tell my family I'm fine, all right?"] 

"Sure… But what friend? And why?" 

["I can't explain right now."] 

The others were staring at Minako. "Is it Usagi? What's going on? Where is she?" Rei asked. 

"Is she all right?" Makoto asked. 

Motioning for the others to be quiet, Minako continued her conversation with Usagi. "So, who are you with? You're all right, ne?" 

["I'm fine. What about you guys? Any youma attacks lately?"] 

"No, there haven't been any attacks. We're all fine, just worried about you." 

["I'm all right, don't worry. Look, I'll get back to you later, ok? Ja!"] 

Minako frowned, lowering the cell phone as the dial tone buzzed in her ear. "Well?" the other girls asked. 

Sighing, Minako said, "She wouldn't tell me where she was -- only that she was with a 'friend' and that she was safe." 

"Safe? That could mean many things," Rei said softly. "Ami-chan! Can you trace where that call came from?" 

"I-I don't know… The line is probably dead by now." 

"Well, what does that mean?" Makoto asked. 

Ami sighed. "It means that if the line Usagi called from is now 'dead,' as in no one is talking on that line, I can't trace it." 

The girls looked nervous. "Well, try!" Rei said anxiously. "We have to find Usagi-chan, even if she says she is 'safe.' And since when did Usagi know if she was 'safe' or not?!" 

Everyone shared in Rei's thoughts, but no one said anything. Looking around to make sure no one was looking, Ami began to type on her mini-data computer. All of the Senshi prayed that Ami could find where Usagi was! 

~*~*~

Replacing the phone in it's cradle, Usagi sighed. She had to let the girls know that she was okay, and she had done it. Now, hopefully they wouldn't worry so much. "Usagi-chan, you called them? How did they take the news that you're staying with me?" 

She looked up as Mamoru entered the room, drying his hands on a towel. "Umm… Well, I didn't tell them I was with you… Just that I was staying with a friend." 

His eyebrows rose. "Why did you tell them that?" 

She shrugged. "I thought it would be easier. You don't want them trying to break down the door, do you?" 

Mamoru grinned. "Okay, you're probably right." 

Looking out the window, Mamoru frowned. "That storm's been raging for hours. You think it'll ever stop?" 

"I don't know… It's kind of odd, isn't it, the way it just started raining suddenly?" 

Nodding, Mamoru couldn't help but feel something was wrong. "It should stop soon." 

"Hope so." 

~*~*~

As Ami attempted to trace the phone line, she frowned. "Well, I can't find out where Usagi was, but… This rain isn't normal." 

"What do you mean, Ami?" Makoto asked. 

"I mean it's not natural. It shouldn't be happening. You know how it was sunny then suddenly became so stormy?" The others nodded. "Well, I don't think it should've happened. The forecast said sunny all day." 

"Oh, come on, Ami! The forecasters are wrong all the time!" Minako said. "What we should be worried about right now is Usagi! Can't we find her?" 

Ami sighed. "I'm afraid not. There's nothing I can do to find her now." 

The girls looked at each other, all of them worried. What if Usagi had been lying and she wasn't as safe as she said she was? What if someone had forced her to say those things? 

~*~*~

"The Senshi won't know what hit them once this storm's posion enters their systems!" the general laughed. 

~*~*~

***News Report: Two Weeks Later***

"An unknown disease has hit many of the people of Tokyo. The symptoms include dizziness, weakness, and usually evil intentions, that the person cannot control. In other news, the rain continues to fall…" 


	3. Loving Touches

**

Look Into The Heart

**

Chapter 3 >> 

_Loving Touches_

Usagi cleared her throat before taking a sip of her tea. "Mamoru, I've been here for three weeks now. Don't you think it's time I went home?" 

He sighed. "I'd love to let you, but this storm is making it impossible for ANYONE to go anywhere. I haven't even been able to get to my classes for the last week! Look, Usagi, I'm really sorry about this, but it looks like we're stuck with each other for a while. Is... that okay?" 

She shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, it hasn't been all that horrible; being here with you. But won't my family worry?" 

"I think that your friends would cover for you. Haven't they already?" 

"Mhm." 

It was a noncommital sound; one that Mamoru knew that meant her thoughts were straying. Amazing how the two had come to understand each other so swiftly in the time they had spent together. Usagi's wounds had thrown them together, but it was this storm that was keeping them together. Sitting in the dimly-lit living room, Mamoru studied the young girl as they sat on the couch, each sipping a cup of tea. She was beautiful, he realized. Sure, he had known it before, but now he appreciated it. What man wouldn't appreciate a beauty such as this - a blonde goddess? Only one dead, he supposed. 

"My friends are probably worried," she said suddenly, breaking into the peaceful silence. "Are you sure there's no way to contact them?" 

He shook his head. "The phone's are out. We're just lucky we still have electricity." 

At that moment, the lights flickered. "Uh oh..." Usagi said slowly, just before the lights went out all together. "Ooh, now what?!" she shrieked. "If the storm wasn't bad enough, now we can't see anything!" 

Thunder crashed overhead and the girl screamed, launching herself into Mamoru's arms. He grunted, steading his cup of tea and the girl at the same time - a great feat. Lighting streaked across the sky, illuminating the two faces, very close to each other. Swallowing nervously, Usagi stared into the blue eyes of her companion. 'Am I crazy?' Mamoru asked himself as his head lowered, capturing her lips with his own. 

For a long moment, the two were lost in their own little world, the tea cups dropping to the floor forgotten, (thankfully not breaking) before a crash of thunder caused the two to pull apart quickly. Blushing, Usagi removed herself from Mamoru's lap and slid to the other end of the couch. There was an awkward silence until Mamoru said, "Sorry. I guess it was just... the moment." 

Usagi nodded, keeping her eyes away from him. "Yeah, guess so." In her mind, she said, 'I wish it could be so much more than that!' Then, she scolded herself. 'Aren't you supposed to be in love with Tuxedo Kamen? He's the one you have a crush on; not Mamoru-baka! Have you gone crazy? Maybe you really ARE an Odango Atama!' 

As she scolded herself for her impulsive actions, Mamoru was cursing himself. 'Are you out of your MIND?! This is Odango! Besides, she's not even legal yet!' He cleared his throat nervously, shifting on the leather couch. "Umm... How about some music?" he asked slowly. 

"Sure!" she exclaimed. Then she frowned. "Err... But isn't the radio by electric? If the lights are out - no music." 

He chuckled, getting to his feet. "Batteries," he stated simply. "I'm pretty sure I have a battery-operated radio in the closet somewhere." 

"Oh, okay." Not wanting to feel useless, Usagi picked up the tea cups, doing her best to wipe up the tea stains with a wet rag as Mamoru dug through a closet, searching for the aforementioned radio. 'Hopefully music will fill this awkward silence,' she told herself. 

"Aha!" 

At Mamoru's triumphant call, Usagi looked over as he ducked out of the closet. "Did you find it?" she called. 

He walked up, a thin layer of dust covering his hair, causing her to stifle her giggles. Holding up the radio, he grinned. "Dusty back there. I gotta remember to clean it out." 

Usagi grinned. "You sure it'll still work? Looks pretty old." 

Mamoru shrugged, sitting it down on the table and putting in the batteries he had found. "Only one way to find out." He turned the dial, grinning when a soft tune filtered out of the speakers. "It belonged to my grandfather; I'm surprised it still works." 

Usagi looked at him, sympathy shining in her eyes. "You miss them, don't you? Your family, I mean." 

He sighed, brushing the dust away from his hair and off his shirt. "Of course I do. Just because I can't remember my parents doesn't mean I don't miss them." 

Shrugging, he turned the volume up a bit and turned to Usagi. "Care to dance?" 

The girl stared at the hand he held out at her for a long moment. Was this really happening? Had she really kissed this handsome man (whom had just a few weeks ago been her worst enemy) and now she was going to dance with him?! Barely believing that things had changed like this, she took the offered hand and twirled her way into his arms. Although the baggy shirt and sweatpants he had loaned her were far from an elegant dress, and the sweatpants and T-shirt he wore was far from a finely-pressed suit, it didn't matter. The carpeted floor of his apartment was not a marble ballroom, and the song on the radio wasn't done by a live band, but it was enough. They had no need of the "fancy" part of the evening. A quiet night at home was enough for the two to find hidden feelings for each other. But just where would these feelings lead them, they wondered, as they stared into each others eyes, whirling across the floor gracefully. 'This feels familiar,' they both thought as they danced together. But why? They had never danced together... 

~*~

Rei sneezed, groaning in anguish. "This can't be the flu," she muttered. "Not if everyone in the city is getting it - and dying within a day!" She sighed. "So what's going on?" 

Frowning, she glanced at the useless communicator lying on the table by her futon. For some odd reason, they had suddenly stopped working. Although Usagi's had been off recently, (since her disappearance) that should have no bearing on the others'. So why wouldn't they work? And now that the phones were out, the Senshi had no way to contact each other. What would they do if there was an attack? Just recently, the electricity had gone out. Was it the same all over the city? Getting to her feet, Rei wrapped a blanket around herself and forced her feet to take her outside, to the temple steps. 

Looking around, she saw that the lights were out all over Tokyo. A worried frown crossed the miko's face. Just what was going on? While it was not unusual for a storm to knock the power out, it just wasn't plausible for it to block the Senshi's communicators. Idly, Rei wondered if Ami's mini-data computer was still functional. If it was, at least there was a slim chance that they wouldn't be taken down by this - whatever it was. An enemy? 

"Rei-san?" 

She turned, eyes focusing blearily on Yuuichirou. "What are you doing out here?" she grumbled. "Shouldn't you be resting? We... were all hit by that nasty bug." 

The man's eyes studied her. "Me?" He laughed bitterly. "Rei, I really think you oughta rest. Ever since this 'bug' started up, you've been reading the Sacred Fire night after night. Can't you stop just once? What's so important to have you chanting all night?" 

Rei turned her eyes away from him to look down at the dark city. "A friend of mine disappeared. We've been trying to find her, but we've only hit dead ends." 

"Oh..." Not knowing what to say, Yuuichirou cleared his throat nervously. "So... Is there anything I can do to help?" 

She shook her head. "Get some rest." She looked back out over the city. "You may need it." 

As the man shuffled away, muffling a sneeze, Rei looked out over the city. "What should I do?" she whispered as the wind blew her unbound hair. "Usagi, where are you?" 

~*~

The song had ended, and still Usagi remained in Mamoru's arms. Her eyes were locked on Mamoru's, even though her mind kept telling her to pull away. 'Why am I drawn to this girl?' Mamoru asked himself as his lips descended to touch against hers once again. 'Is it just the close quarters and feelings of friendship - or something more?' 

He ignored the voices in the back of his head that told him this was wrong as he continued with his loving assault on her body. That this was Odango Atama - and a minor - didn't even enter his mind as the two became lost in each other. 

~*~

Regret? 

No. 

There is no room for regret. It was right; we are lovers now, as we were always meant to be. It would've happened sooner or later, so it's better that it happened now, when we were on friendly terms. But will she hate me now? I hope not. 

Mamoru looked down at the golden goddess lying at his side as she moved in her sleep. "Mamo-chan..." she whispered. 

He smiled, pressing a kiss to her lips softly. Was she dreaming of him? As he relaxed, holding her close to his heart, he realized that he hadn't dreamed of the princess all night. Had it been Usagi's presence that had kept his nightly phantom away? Usually, she would plead with him to find the mystical Ginzuishou and set her free - but not last night. What had kept her away? Usagi's being there, or something more? Like the love he had felt for Usagi? 

He stiffened. 'Love?' Did he... really love the Odango? Sure, they had formed a friendship due to the necessity of staying together, but when had that turned into something deeper - something akin to love? 

The girl beside him stirred, her eyes opening to smile up at him. "Good morning," she murmured, stretching. Pressing a kiss to his lips, she whispered, "Am I dreaming? This hardly seems real." 

He chuckled. "No, it's real all right. It's not a dream, Usako." 

She smiled, her eyes lighting up with happiness. "Usako?" 

Mamoru ran a hand through her golden tresses, brushing their tangled length out of her sparkling eyes. "Would you have me call another thus? You are my Usako." 

Usagi giggled, a blush spreading across her face. "Then... You'll be my Mamo-chan." 

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her pouting lips. "I like that." 

The power was still out, and they couldn't leave the apartment, so the two lovers stayed in bed all day save for food and the call of nature. While Mamoru still wasn't too sure about this arrangement, he ignored his concerns for the time being as he simply basked in this new found joy being with Usagi gave him. How could anything this good be wrong? 

* * *

_Please review. _

**Note:** Rei was not killed by the sickness because her Senshi powers give her a better immune system than humans. 


	4. Talk To Us

_ Remember everyone: (So I don't get any "Usagi is too young to be making love!" comments) The age of consent in Japan is 13. _

**Look Into The Heart**

Chapter 4 >> 

Talk To Us 

* * *

It was still hard to believe that she and Mamoru had fallen in love. Why? Just a few weeks ago, they had been bitter enemies. Had it been the close quarters, and the forced companionability that had caused these feelings to surface? Was it true that the only reason they fought constantly was because they were masking deeper feelings of love and lust? "Usako?" 

The girl looked up, smiling at her lover as he sat the candle down on the bedside table. She continued brushing her hair as she gazed at him as he slipped off his shirt. He chuckled. "See something you like?" 

She smiled and ran the brush through her golden tresses. "And if I did?" 

"It's all yours," he whispered as he moved closer, pressing a kiss to her neck. 

A sigh escaped Usagi's pert lips as her wide, cerulean eyes gazed at him. "I can't believe that we wasted so much time arguing when we could have been in love." 

He smiled as he sat down beside her, taking the brush from her and taking over the job. "Maybe we were meant to be apart for a little while?" He put down the brush, running a hand through her soft hair. "Do you know that you've chased away all my nightly demons since we fell in love?" he whispered. "Since that day, my life has been perfect." He stilled. "Well... Almost perfect." 

"Almost?" Her eyes studied him carefully. "What have I done that has caused you distress, my love?" 

He shook his head, emotions flickering in his cobalt eyes. "No, Usako, it's nothing that you've done. It's just... There are some things in my life that I just can't explain. Do you understand?" 

She frowned slightly. "Yes, I do. There are some things that... You shouldn't know about my life just yet. Things that could put you in grave danger were you to know everything." 

'What could she be talking about?' he wondered as he drew her into his embrace. 'Is this secret why she is so used to pain?' 

As he held her close to his heart, he vowed to save her from any further pain. But could he? 

~*~ 

Rei frowned into the flickering flames of the fire. 'Where is she?' her mind whispered. 'Am I going to lose this time by not being able to locate Usagi?' 

"Rei?" 

She looked up, eyes going to the door where Makoto stood. She smiled worriedly, exhaustion mirrored in her eyes. "Any luck?" 

Makoto shook her head. "I've been all over the city. I de-transformed just before getting here - in case your grandfather was around." 

Rei nodded. "Where could she be? I can't find her in the sacred flames - and she is nowhere to be found in the city. So what has happened to Usagi?" 

The other girl shook her head. "Will we ever know? Minako said when she called she sounded fine, but... Is she really?" 

The miko clenched her fist as she stared into the flickering flames, her eyes shadowed. "She has to be okay," she whispered. "She has to be!" 

Makoto looked at her friend, a frown on her face. 'Where is Usagi?' she wondered to herself. Where had their leader disappeared to? It had just been after a battle... "Could she have been captured by the enemy?" Makoto wondered aloud. 

Rei frowned. "But how could she have called? And she certainly wouldn't say she was 'fine'! But... What else could it be? Where would she go for so long; with barely a word to anyone?" 

"Maybe she's having a tryst with her lover," Makoto joked. 

The miko looked at her friend, realizing something suddenly. "Should you really be out in this storm? Even if we are Senshi, we're still susceptible to the elements." 

Makoto shrugged. "So what? My friend and leader is missing. I can't just let her remain out there - with who knows who! She could be in trouble, Rei. I can't ignore that just because of a little storm." 

"A storm that is most likely caused by the enemy," Rei reminded her. "Why else would it block our communicators?" 

The other girl frowned. "Do you think Usagi could be in danger from this enemy's plot? If she doesn't know that this isn't a regular storm..." 

"She'll be fine," Rei said. "Usagi can't be that stupid!" 

~*~ 

Mamoru had gone to college, for a meeting that he couldn't ignore. It was "beneficial to his internship at the local hospital." And so, Usagi found herself alone, without her lover - and trapped in her thoughts. Her relationshp with Mamoru had progressed in a way she had never believed possible. Just how could two people who had been mortal enemies just a few weeks ago fall in love so easily? 

Did Mamoru have doubts about their newly-formed relationship? Usagi wasn't sure, herself, just how it could have gone this far. A single kiss, and she became enflamed for the man who had captured her heart. Yes, it was true. Tsukino Usagi was in love with Chiba Mamoru. How would her friends - her family - take such news? And, would she ever be able to tell Mamoru about her secret identity as Sailor Moon? If she told him - what would his reaction be? Would he be honored to have a superhero as his girlfriend? Or would he be disgusted that she was "different"? 

She sighed. Was he really in love with her - or did he just say that so he could have access to her body? She didn't want to believe that he was using her, because she was already totally in love with him. But what were his true feelings toward her? 

Holding up her Senshi communicator, she pressed the "all-call" button and waited for the others to connect. Finally, four blurry faces appeared on a split screen. "Usagi!" they exclaimed in unison. 

"Where have you been?" Minako questioned. 

"Are you all right?" came from Ami. 

Usagi shrugged. "I'm fine, everyone. Don't worry. Have there been any battles lately? You haven't contacted me!" 

"The communicators would not respond due to the storm, which we believe to have been created by the enemy. Besides, your communicator has been turned off!" Rei said. 

The other girl blushed. "Yeah, well... I couldn't leave it on, or the person I'm staying with would ask." 

"Who are you with?" Makoto asked. "We've been so worried!" 

Usagi sighed. "I'm with a friend. I--" 

"Usako?" 

She looked up, gasping, as the door closed behind Mamoru. "Err... In here!" she called, shutting off the communicator and pocketing it quickly. She smiled at him, walking out to get a towel and hand it to him. 

As he dried his wet hair, he commented, "The rain's coming down pretty badly. I can't believe how long this storm has hung over the city! It's like the gods are conspiring against us, or something." 

Usagi shrugged. "Hard to say. Do the weather reports say anything new?" 

Mamoru shook his head. "No." He shrugged. "Oh well. At least we're together. There was no one outside. I guess everyone's smarter than I am." 

She chuckled, pressing a kiss to his lips as she passed by, a book in her hand. "What's that?" he asked as she sat down on the couch, opening the book and reading the contents by candle light. 

"I rummaged through your bookshelf," she said absently. "I've never read this one before." 

Catching sight of the title, Mamoru asked, " 'Romeo and Juliet'? You mean you've never read Shakespeare's most famous play?" 

She shrugged. "I never really... Had a reason to read anything like this. This Old English stuff is pretty hard to understand. I think we read this one year in school, but I didn't pay attention. This Shakespeare guy is pretty famous?" 

Mamoru laughed, moving to sit beside her. "He's one of the most famous playwriters of all time. How can you NOT know about his genius?" 

She blushed. "I just never got into the classics. I like my shoujo manga a lot better." 

~*~ 

On the other side of town, in the Mizuno residence, a blue-haired girl sat at a laptop, typing away at the keys. "What is you're doing again?" Makoto asked, standing behind her friend. 

"I'm narrowing down the possibilities of where Usagi could be. She has contacted us twice now -- once on Minako's cell phone and once on the Senshi communicators. But how could she use the communicator when ours have been dead since the onset of this storm?" 

Makoto frowned. "We have to find a way to contact Usagi about the possibility of an enemy causing this storm. Isn't she aware of the high number of deaths?" 

"It's possible," Ami began, "that Usagi has been in someone's residence since her disappearance. With the electricity out, there would be no way she could find out about it." 

"By the way, how are you using that computer if the electric is out?" 

"Battery," Ami explained. "I keep a few charged up in case something like this happens." 

Makoto nodded. "But why don't you just use your Mercury computer? Wouldn't it be easier?" 

Continuing her typing, Ami said, "It isn't linked up to all the city's records, which I need for a few searches I'm trying. If I lose all power, then I'll resort to my Mercury computer. Even though it's more powerful than anything man-made, I'm not yet able to connect it to the city computer systems." 

Makoto had placed her hands on the back of Ami's chair, and now they clenched around the chair-back. "Are you sure this'll work? We have to find Usagi before something happens to her!" 

Ami sighed, turning to look up at her friend with stressed blue eyes. "Mako-chan, I know that you feel somewhat responsible for Usagi's disappearance. But you didn't think that it would be necessary to walk her home. None of us did! So you can't blame yourself. It's not healthy, Mako-chan." 

The brunette nodded jerkily. "You're right. But how can I not blame myself? If I had just walked Usagi home... This never would have happened!" 

Turning back to the computer as it beeped, Ami pressed a few keys. "Azabu," she murmured. 

"What?" 

Ami's eyes followed the data rapidly on the screen. "I think she's somewhere in the Azabu disctrict. There were reports of screaming and a 'blonde haired girl with an odd hairstyle.' Plus, if I use the Mercury computer," she drew it out of thin air and pressed a few buttons in quick succession, "her energy signals show up in an apartment in the Azabu district. It's got to be her!" 

"Screaming?" Makoto's fists clenched. "Someone has been hurting her?" 

"I don't know yet. But we're going to find out." 

~*~ 

Moonlight filtered through the window, falling on the rumpled bed where two entwined figures lay. The blonde tresses of the female created a curtain around herself and her companion, shielding their bare skin from the wind that found its way through the cracks of the window. 

The woman's eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at the man, her sparkling blue eyes full of life. Sitting up carefully so as not to awaken him, Usagi watched her lover sleep. He seemed so child-like and innocent as he dozed; cute, really. A smile crossed her lips as she thought over the amazing events that had happened in such a short time. They had gone from enemies to friends to lovers in what seemed such a short amount of time. Studying Mamoru's face, she was glad that she had given into her heart's demands to love him. But would her secret of being Sailor Moon tear them apart? 

Biting her lip nervously, Usagi failed to notice when the ivory teeth broke the skin, drawing blood. 'What if he hates me for being Sailor Moon?' she wondered. Would he really resent that his lover was a superhero? 

Hearing a scuffling outside the balcony window, she got up, slipping on a robe and pulling the cover up to cover Mamoru. Tiptoeing over to the balcony, she peered out, surprised to see the Senshi standing there. Slipping out onto the balcony, she hissed, "What are you guys doing here?" 

"We've been worried! Are you okay, Usagi?" Rei asked. 

Usagi shifted her position when she noticed the girls were trying to peek in behind her. "How did you find me?" 

"Mercury tracked you on her computer. Finally!" Jupiter replied. 

Usagi grimaced. "Why did you need to find me? I'm fine! It's not like I was kidnapped or anything." 

Mars glared at her. "How were we supposed to know? The two times that you contacted us, you barely told us anything. What if you were being hurt? We didn't know anything, Usagi! How could you have been so reckless as to let us think the worst? You really are an Odango Atama!" 

"Usako?" 

She gasped, hearing the call of Mamoru. Sending a frantic glance behind her at the curtained glass doors, she said quickly, "You guys have got to go!" 

"Who was that?" Venus asked. 

Usagi rolled her eyes at the stalling tactics. "Look, I'm fine. I was just staying with a friend until my wounds were healed; I was too sick to go home. But I'm fine now, and the electric's off. Satisfied? Now, please, go before he finds you here!" She paused. "I don't want to have to explain how I know the Senshi." 

The girls rolled their eyes as they backflipped off the balcony, assured of their Senshi powers to give them an expert landing on the concrete below. Usagi whirled as the doors slid open, Mamoru stepping out. "What are you doing out here?" he murmured, eyes studying her attire. 

She blushed, noticing he had taken the time to step into a pair of jeans. "I... I was just admiring the moonlight. Isn't it beautiful tonight?" 

He stepped closer, taking her in his arms as he looked up. "Yeah, it's amazing. Do you always study the moon?" 

Usagi grinned; the twinkle in his blue eyes enough to show her that he was simply teasing her. "I find the moon very theraputic; especially when it's full and the light is bathing the city in its glow." 

Leaning back against him, Usagi wondered if the Senshi were below, listening. Did they know now that it was Mamoru who had saved her? Wondering idly if the girl's would tell her parents of her whereabouts, Usagi forgot her train of thought as Mamoru began nibbling at her neck. She was able to forget her fears over his discovery of her secret identity as he steered back into the room, toward the bed. 

* * *

Please review. Thanks! 


	5. Hickey

Usagi walked down the sidewalk, glad that the storm was finally over. But was it really for the better? With the ending of the storm, and the electric coming back on, she had been forced to leave the shelter of Mamoru's loving arms and go home. She didn't want to be away from Mamoru, and especially not pretend like she always had--that she hated him--just so people wouldn't know that they were...lovers. 

Lovers. That word still amazed her. She had a lover; she was part of a relationship; she had slept nights with a man. Sometimes she thought that was a dream, and that she would awaken at any moment in her room. 

Now, she was traveling the rain-soaked streets on her way home. Very few people had yet ventured out of their homes, preferring instead to stay inside where it was warm and dry. Usagi's thoughts raced, stopping on the supposed threat of an enemy. If the storm had caused so many people to get ill, and had possessed the power to knock out the Senshi communicators, then it was obviously caused by an enemy. But why go to such lengths and then stop their attack? It didn't make sense. 

Or was it just part of a large battle that wasn't yet to come? Shaking her head to rid herself of those thoughts, she neared her house and took in a deep breath. What was she going to say to her family when they wanted to know where she had been? 

Taking out her communciator, she contacted Minako. "Hey," she said. "I'm finally able to go home since the storm has stopped, and the electric is back on." 

Minako smiled. "That's great! But...what about that 'friend'?" She winked. "He was probably pretty sad to see you go, huh?" 

Usagi blushed. "I... Um, that's not important. Look, I called because I need to know... What should I tell my parents? I mean, did you guys say I was staying with any of you, or do I need another story?" 

"Oh, yeah!" Minako said brightly. "You were staying with Makoto, of course, since she lives alone and no one can say anything different." 

"Good, I'm glad I have a cover story!" Usagi exclaimed as she turned onto the street she lived. "So I'll see you guys at the arcade later today? It's only--" she checked her watch "--ten in the morning, so we have lots of time to hang out." 

Minako nodded. "Sure, I'll get the girls together. You have a lot to tell us! Like who that guy is and what you were doing together." 

"I--" 

Before Usagi could say anything further, Minako broke the connection. Groaning out loud, Usagi sweatdropped. "Me and my big mouth. Why didn't I think that the minute we were all together they would grill me about him? Ugh, this'll be so hard! And what if Mamo-chan shows up while they're asking me? There's no way I'll be able to pull this off!" 

Taking a deep breath, Usagi entered her house, calling out, "I'm home!" 

"Usagi!" The call came from her mother, who raced toward her. "Where have you been, dear? We've been so worried, especially during that storm when the electric went out! Are you all right?" 

"I-I'm fine," she stuttered, a little surprised to hear her mother so worried. "I was staying with Mako-chan until the storm went over. I would have called you, but the phones in her part of town were out, too." 

Ikuko nodded, hugging her daughter tightly. "Usagi..." The woman held her daughter away from her to look at her. "Where did you get those clothes?" 

"Oh, umm..." 

Usagi looked down at herself, her mind racing for an excuse. She was wearing a plain white button-up shirt that was too big for her, the sleeves rolled up, a grey sweater that she hadn't zipped up, and a pair of cut-off jeans. It was Mamoru's clothing, but she hadn't had anything else to wear since her clothes had been ruined. 

"They belonged to Mako-chan's boyfriend. None of Mako-chan's clothes were clean when I left, and mine were ruined since I slipped in some mud, so...I had to wear these." 

Ikuko nodded. "Well, why don't you get changed and you can return those to Makoto's friend later? For now, are you hungry? I made a lemon pie." 

Usagi's eyes sparkled. "Mmm..." Then she remembered her comversation with Minako, and how she had agreed to meet her friend at the arcade. "Oh, I can't now," she said sadly. "I have to meet the girls. Later tonight, ok Mom? We can talk then!" 

Running upstairs to change, Usagi yanked the rubber band out of her hair. It had been in a simple ponytail, since she hadn't had the time or accessories to do it in her usual 'buns.' But now, she would return herself to her "natural" look before meeting her friends and getting the third degree. 

*** 

Stepping inside the sliding doors of the arcade, Mamoru looked around as he slipped off his sunglasses and put them in the pocket of his new navy blue jacket. Usagi had insisted that he no longer wear the green blazer that was his 'trademark,' and so he had dug this one out of his closet. When she had proclaimed it more "stylish" and "sexy," Mamoru had been forced to wear it and leave behind the green blazer that had become like an old friend. 

He moved easily toward the counter, taking a seat and ordering a coffee from the waitress who smiled at him with a 'come-hither' look, which he ignored. "Why don't you ever go for it?" 

Mamoru cast his gaze at Motoki, who had spoken while walking up. "What do you mean?" he grumbled. Motoki laughed. "You kidding? That was Azul, one of the cutest new waitresses I've seen in a while. How could you just ignore that look she gave you? Man, you're so lucky!" 

Rolling his eyes, Mamoru nodded politely at Azul as she placed the cup of coffee in front of him. "Why don't you just ask her out if you're so interested?" 

"Nah, Reika would kill me if she found out," Motoki said. "Besides, why would I want to cheat on Reika? She's amazing!" 

Sipping his coffee, Mamoru grimaced and replaced the cup on its saucer. "Kind of strong today." Motoki shrugged. "With the storm and everything, this place isn't going to be too busy today. No ice cream, nothing much left to eat. Everything thawed out in the freezer, and the coffee machine's not working right. About the only thing that *is* working right today is Azul, and the games." He laughed mirthlessly. 

Running a hand through his hair, Mamoru played with the still-steaming cup of coffee absently. "You think it'll be bad for business?" 

"Nah; everybody'll come back tomorrow. They know we're the best place around for sundaes and games." Motoki grinned confidently. 

"Sure hope you're right." 

Motoki eyed his friend, finally noticing something. "Hey, what happened to that disgusting green jacket you're usually wearing?" 

"Oh, uhh..." Mamoru looked down at himself, searching for a reason. "It was dirty." 

"Wow, never thought I'd see you without that thing," Motoki commented before going off to serve someone--or to deliver the bad news that their order couldn't be prepared. 

*** 

Stepping inside the arcade, Usagi looked around nervously until she caught sight of her friends. Taking in a deep breath, she started toward them. "Usagi!" Makoto called out, smiling at her friend. Then the girl's emerald eyes widened as she stared at her friend as Usagi slid into the booth. "Usagi, what happened to your neck?!" she exclaimed. 

"Huh?" Usagi blinked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about?" 

By now, all of the girls were studying Usagi's neck, all with similar looks of disblief. Usagi's hand flew to her neck. "What? What is it?" she muttered anxiously. 

Digging through her purse, Minako handed Usagi a compact, her hand shaking with abject disbelief. Opening it, Usagi studying her neck in the mirror. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed when she saw what had captured their attention. 

It was...a hickey! Why hadn't she noticed it when she was fixing her hair? At least her mother hadn't noticed it yet; she would have had too many questions that she wouldn't be able to answer. When had Mamoru given it her? In the throes of passion, when she hadn't noticed. 

She blushed, looking at her friends. "Uhh... I don't guess you would believe it was a bug bite, would you?" she said softly. 

"No!" the girls chorused. 

"Come on Usagi, spill!" Rei said. 

Sighing, Usagi said, "You guys know I was staying with...a guy during the storm." 

"Which guy?" Rei said quickly. "And just what were you doing to get that on your neck?" 

A flush started up Usagi's neck. "Umm... Well, what do you usually do to get one?" She laughed nervously. 

"So, who was it from?" Minako asked, eyeing Usagi suspiciously. "Do we know him?" 

Usagi sighed. How to not lie to them, and still not let on that it was really Mamoru? "He's...older," she began nervously. 

"Who is it?!" the girls chorused impatiently. 

Sweatdropping, Usagi searched frantically for a way out. How could she tell the girls about her relationship with Mamoru? He didn't want it known yet, and even she didn't think that it would be good if it were revealed to anyone. "I don't think you guys really need to know the details about my private life," Usagi said haughtily, something unusual for her. "It's none of your business, really, so stay out of it." 

The girls stared at her. Minako blinked with her large, expressive cornflower-blue eyes. "Usagi, how can you say such a thing? We're your friends; we want to help you. What if this guy is bad news? He could hurt you!" 

"He won't hurt me," Usagi said softly. "Enough about me. What's the situation with the enemy?" 

"Precarious," Ami replied, speaking up finally. "There is no obvious reason for the storm and its' ill effects, so therefore perhaps it was an attempt to lure us into letting down our guard." 

Usagi frowned, chewing a lip nervously between pearly-white teeth. "It doesn't make any sense," she said. 

"Can I get you girls anything?" 

They all looked up, their conversation cut short by the interruption of a waitress. "Oh, are you new here?" Minako asked. "I've never seen you working here before." 

"Yes, I just started recently," the woman said. "I'm Azul; I'm a hard worker." 

Rei stiffened, looking at the woman cautiously. 'Why am I getting such a bad vibe from her?' 

"Can I have a strawberry milkshake and a chocolate-dipped cone?" Usagi said absently, rubbing at her neck as if trying to rid herself of the mark of Mamoru's passion. 

Azul smiled placatingly at Usagi. "I'm sorry, nothing containing ice cream or anything that needs to be frozen or cold is available today. Since the electric has been out recently, all frozen foods or treats are ruined." 

"Oh no!" Usagi wailed. "But what about my daily dose of frozen treats?" Tears began collecting in the corner of her eyes. 

"Relax, Odango. Why don't I take you down to the park and we'll get you a frozen snow cone." 

Usagi gasped happily at the voice. "You would?" 

"Sure." Mamoru shrugged. "Anything's better than hearing your wailing." 

It was said in a cold voice, and Usagi had to force herself to remember that he was just acting--that he really cared for her. "All right, you jerk," she grumbled. "But this better not be some stupid trick!" She got to her feet, waving to the girls. "We'll talk later, ok? Ami, keep trying to figure out what's going on, ok?" 

The blue-haired girl nodded, and the entire group stared as Usagi and Mamoru walked out side by side, not arguing once. "What just happened?" Makoto breathed. 

"A miracle?" Rei suggested. 

*** 

Walking down the path in the park which was just beginning to dry up, Usagi ate her snow cone, glancing occassionally at Mamoru, who walked beside her silently. "So why did you rescue me back there?" she said. "I thought we agreed to just act 'normal'--the way we did before." 

He shrugged, biting off a chunk of his grape-flavored snow cone. "I couldn't bear to see you sad, Usako. When I heard your cry about not getting your treat... Well, I couldn't let my lady down." 

She grinned, latching onto his arm with an adoring look. "Oh, Mamo-chan! You're so good to me." 

'But why so suddenly? Is this really love--or will he end up breaking my heart?' she wondered, and then hit herself mentally. No, Mamoru's feelings were true--they had to be! 

"Usagi, have you given any thought to how our relationship is going to go?" Mamoru said suddenly. 

"Wh-what?" 

She turned her gaze to him, reluctantly releasing his arm as he stopped. "It's not like this will be easy. We can't just announce our love to the world. It'll take a while before anyone would even accept such an idea. We're sworn enemies, remember? We have to gradually start up a friendship, and then miraculously fall in love." He shrugged, with a slight grin. "At least, that's how they'll see it." 

"Oh, Mamo-chan!" 

It was said on a sigh; Usagi staring at him happily. Although it was her greatest desire to not let anything spoil this sickeningly sweet romantic moment, Usagi found her mind traveling back to the storm. If it had been created by the enemy to kill the humans--or even the Senshi--why had it suddenly stopped? It made little sense to her. Or was it supposed to confuse them, to get them off guard? 

'At least one good thing came out of this--I found a man to love.' Absently, her fingertips moved upward to brush at the mark on her neck; the sign of Mamoru's passion and love. Had he done it deliberately, to mark her as his own? That was her thought, and it thrilled her to her very soul. 

**Note:**The hickey incident was inspired by events with my friends. Although my friends were all aware of who gave me mine! lol (If anyone has had a friend go crazy with laughter over a hickey, you'll know what I mean!!) ^_^ ~~It's great when you can make them jealous 'cause they don't have a boyfriend.~~ 

Anyway, the next chapter will be longer. 


	6. Vacation

_Vacation_

------ 

The sounding of the alarm clock sounded like an explosion to Usagi's ears, and she groaned as she reached out to slap at it and shut off the annoying ringing. Muttering nonsensically as she forced herself out of bed, Usagi yawned as she got dressed. It had been her first night in a while sleeping without Mamoru at her side, and it had been odd to her. Tying her hair up into a simple ponytail, Usagi made her way downstairs. "Odango! Are you gonna pig out today?" her brother teased. 

Rolling her eyes, Usagi took a place at the table. "Mama, what's for breakfast?" she asked, ignoring her little brother. 

The woman answered absently, thumbing through a photo album. "What're you looking at?" Shingo asked, impatient for the food. 

Ikuko looked up. "Just old pictures... You know, it seems like you're all growing up so fast." She laid the photo album down on the counter and began serving the food, smiling at her husband as he came downstairs and took a seat. "Say..." she began as she sat down and everyone began digging into the food. "Why don't we take a vacation?" 

"Vacation?" Shingo mumbled, his mouth full of food. 

Ikuko nodded. "It's been so long since we've all taken a family vacation together! What do you think, Kenji?" 

The man looked at her, swallowing his food. "Well, it doesn't seem like a bad idea. Where did you have in mind, dear?" 

Ikuko beamed at her husband's acceptance of her idea. "How about the hot springs? It's very relaxing there." 

"Mama... What about school?" Usagi said. "I can't just take time off, you know!" 

"We could get you a leave of absence," Ikuko said. "It's been so long since we've taken a family vacation together!" 

"But...my friends! What will I tell them?" 

"Usagi, don't worry so much. It's just a short family vacation," Kenji said. "Your mother's idea sounds like the perfect way to get out of the house." 

'But what about Mamoru?' Usagi wondered silently to herself. 'Our relationship has just begun...' 

----- 

Usagi found herself stuck in a car with no air conditioning, riding beside her brother for four hours. It had been hard to her, saying goodbye to Mamoru. It had been made a little easier, however, when Mamoru told her that he had invited to meet some of his long-lost relatives and would be out of town anyway. Apparently, Mamoru's uncle owned a hotel not too far out of Tokyo and had just learned of Mamoru's existence. When Usagi had expressed her joy at him finding family, he hadn't shared in her pleasure. "What do I need family for?" he had said. "They'll just get in my life and won't leave me alone." 

Usagi hadn't known about Mamoru's feelings about family, and now she felt sorry for him. How could he just walk away from a family that probably loved him dearly? Mamoru had said that his uncle's wife had been very interested in getting him to their hotel. "The hot springs will do you a world of good," the woman had said. Mamoru had said that it was just because the woman hadn't met any of her husband's family before that she was so interested in meeting his nephew. Usagi had wished him luck, and told him that she would see him when she returned with her family from their vacation--and that she would miss him dearly. 

The two had separated after a last hug, and Usagi had then gone to let her friends know that she was going on a forced vacation. They hadn't been too pleased with it--because the enemy could show up at any time. But, eventually, after Usagi had told them that she would be able to transport herself back instantly with her powers if any problems arose, they had practically shooed her off on her family vacation. 

"We're here!" her father announced. 

Usagi jolted up from her 'I'm bored' position and peered out the window. Nothing too fancy... Just an ordinary hotel, surrounded by a forest. Ooh, was that a lake she could see through those trees there? A smile spread over Usagi's face. If nothing else, at least it would peaceful here without any youma attacks. 

"Bor-ing!" Shingo sung out. 

Usagi glared at him. "Oh, come on! This place looks fantastic. And look, there's even a lake! How can you call it 'boring'?" 

"Are there video games? Cable?" Shingo asked. 

Ikuko laughed lightly. "Why can't you be more like your sister and enjoy the beauty of nature this place has to offer?" She paused, then said grudgingly, "There are no video games, but they do have cable." 

"All right!" 

Usagi rolled her eyes at her brother's outburst. Holding her locket in one hand, she wondered why she had agreed to this. The beauty of nature would make it an enjoyable experience, yes, but wasn't she needed back in Tokyo? Hopefully the other girls could handle any problems that arose, and if they couldn't... Well, Usagi was able to transport herself back there using the power inside herself. 

As her father stopped the car in the parking lot, everyone piled out. "Oh, it's just like I remember!" Ikuko exclaimed, smiling brightly. 

Usagi glanced at her. "You've been here before, Mama?" 

The woman nodded. "Your father and I came here on a trip once," she related. "Kenji, do you think the same couple still runs this hotel? They were so kind when we were here." 

The man shrugged, pocketing the car keys as he looked around. "It looks the same...maybe they do." 

Usagi looked around, studying the place. The hotel was a quaint, three-story building that looked more like a log cabin than a hotel. The wrap-around porch was clean, with bright welcoming flowers lining the walkway. There was a path from the side of the hotel that led off to the forest, probably to the lake, and another one that led to a rise on a hill, which was most likely where the hot springs were. There were only a few cars in the parking lot--maybe it was a slow week. 

The small group started toward the hotel, all of them anxious to check into their rooms. Entering the hotel, Usagi was hit by a blast of cold air from the air conditioning. "Ahh," she breathed in relief, following her parents toward the front desk. 

"Reservations for Tsukino," Kenji told the man standing behind the desk. 

Looking around, Usagi took in the homey atmosphere of the lobby, which was mostly done in gleaming polished wood. It was like stepping back into the past of America's frontier, almost. Turning her gaze to the man who was checking their reservations, she gasped softly. He looked like Mamoru! Not exactly, of course, but it was a close match. Shaking her head, Usagi told herself that it was just coincidence. 'This is going to be a long vacation,' she muttered in her head. 

"Your rooms are ready; on the second floor," the man informed them. "You have a spectacular view of the lake in the young ladies' room." 

Usagi smiled. "Really? I can see the lake pretty good from my window?" 

"Window? Try balcony." The man winked at her and Usagi beamed. 

"I didn't see any balconies when we came in," Ikuko said curiously. 

The man nodded, handing the keys to the rooms over to Kenji. "That's because they're all on the opposite side of the building. They aren't too fancy, just simple redwood decks, but they're useful enough if you want to see the view of the sun setting over the lake. My wife seemed to think that the young lady would enjoy that." 

"Yeah, I would!" Usagi burst out, smiling happily. 'Maybe this vacation won't be totally boring after all,' she thought to herself. 

----- 

"Aunt Alice," Mamoru began, "Is it really necessary that I greet the guests? It's not like I work here or anything!" 

"But you are our nephew," the woman said, smiling at him. "It's only proper to greet those who are here. Now, the latest arrival is a family of four... The Tsukino's. Why don't you start with the parents and the son, who are sharing a room, then the daughter?" 

Mamoru rolled his eyes. "Daughter? Auntie, I'm not looking for a girlfriend." 

The woman smiled placatingly. "Did I say anything about making a match? Certainly not!" 

As she shooed him out of the room, Mamoru grimaced. The woman's plan was obvious--she wanted to fix him up with one of her guests while he was visiting. 'Why can't they just leave my life alone?' he thought angrily. 

He made his way upstairs to the rooms that the newest guests were occupying. The hotel was going to get crowded very soon--it was a busy time. Mamoru hadn't been too interested in meeting his aunt, who was American. His uncle Kenshin had lived in America for years with his American wife before moving back to Japan over fifteen years ago. Alice had never quite gotten used to Japan, and she had insisted on the hotel's "American frontier" look which reminded her of her home. Kenshin had relented, wanting only the best for his wife. The two hadn't had any children, and apparently now Alice was transferring that "motherly" instinct toward Mamoru. It was a source of never-ending annoyance to him. 

---- 

Usagi entered her room, looking around. "Ooh, beautiful!" she exclaimed, moving to flop herself down on the bed which was covered by a quilt. And either she was crazy, or the quilt itself was homemade! The bed was big--and she felt an odd sense of loneliness as she tested it softness. Had she gotten so used to having Mamoru in bed next to her? Jolting up, she studied the rest of the room. 

On the walls were prints of a waterfall, and one of deer drinking out a lake. There was a desk in the corner, with stationary and writing utensils supplied. A round table with two very plush-looking chairs was in the middle of the room. The balcony that the desk clerk had talked about was outside the windows--apparently she had to crawl through an open window to reach it. Sticking her head out the window, Usagi looked at the balcony. It wasn't very big, just two windows' length plus a few more feet, and very plain in it's design. It was a simple deck, with railings around it's perimeter. Clambering out of the window to get a better view, Usagi looked at the dense forest that stretched out behind the hotel, and the clear waters of the lake in the distance. The lake was unspoiled by man, or so it appeared. "Paradise," Usagi whispered. 

She took in a deep breath of the crisp air, smiling brightly. If only her friends were here to share this amazing experience... Shaking off her thoughts, she turned and climbed back into the window. Standing in the room, she slipped off her shoes and socks and dug her toes into the plush carpeting. "Ooh... Heaven," she said softly, amazed that a simple hotel like this would offer such luxurious accommodations. Walking over to the corner where her luggage had been put by someone--did they have bellboys here?--she began unpacking and placing everything in the dresser provided. They would be there for a week, so why not make herself at home? 

Usagi thought it was kind of funny that Shingo had to share a room with their parents and she got her own room. But, she supposed it was for his own safety. If Shingo had a room of his own, he would probably end up breaking everything! This way, their parents would be assured that he would behave himself. After everything was unpacked, she stood in the middle of the room for a few moments before slipping on her shoes and, giggling, leaving the room quietly. As she stepped into the lobby, she kept one hand on the hand railing of the staircase and looked around. Not seeing anyone, she headed for the door. Stepping out into the bright sunlight, Usagi shielded her eyes as she located what she wanted--the path towards the lake. 

As she stared down the dirt pathway, she saw that it was clearly marked off by fallen logs, which almost looked as if they were put there by nature, if it wasn't for the fact that they were end to end, and heading toward the lake. Usagi's peach-colored blouse was made of a translucent material, and matched the peach-colored pants that she was wearing. Usually she would be wearing matching tan boots, but today she was wearing more practical tennis shoes. So what if her outfit clashed? It wasn't as if anyone would be seeing her except for a few squirrels or other woodland creatures. 

Getting to the end of the path, Usagi sucked in a breath at the sight of the sparkling waters of the lake. It seemed virtually unspoiled by man! But how was such a thing possible? The lake was the main tourist attraction--or maybe the second, after the hot springs--that drew people to the hotel-slash-bed-and-breakfast. How, then, did it remain unspoiled by the people who ventured there? Shrugging, Usagi walked down to the lakeside, looking at the water lapping against the beach. It was so peaceful; so calm...almost as if there were no people for miles around. 

----- 

Mamoru sat there for a few more moments, listening to the nonsensical small-talk of Ikuko and Kenji, the parents of the Tsukino family. 'Why did I get roped into this?' he wondered, annoyed with his aunt. Nodding politely in the right moments, he inwardly wished for freedom. His gaze traveled to where the boy was laying on the floor, watching the television. "The proprietors of this hotel are your relatives?" 

He nodded at Kenji's question. "Yes, my uncle Kenshin and his wife Alice." 

Mamoru tuned out the conversation of the two, wondering when he would be able to escape this. But then, he had to meet the daughter after he was done here... He groaned mentally, shrinking down into his seat. Why was fate so cruel? "Well, I believe it's almost time for dinner. Shingo, would you go get your sister? She's in the room just across the hall," Ikuko said. 

The boy groaned in annoyance, but got up anyway and left the room. "Well," Mamoru said as he got to his feet. "I suppose I'll be going then." 

"It was nice meeting you, Chiba-san," Ikuko said politely. 

Nodding, with a polite smile pasted to his face, Mamoru escaped to the hallway, passing Shingo on the way. "She's not in her room," he heard the boy say as he walked down the hall. 

'Good, one less person for me to bother with,' Mamoru thought to himself as he made his way down the stairs. When he got to the lobby, he saw his uncle just rounding the corner. "Uncle Kenshin!" he called out. 

The man turned, smiling. "Ah, Mamoru! Have you been greeting the guests? Alice said that you offered, and she just couldn't refuse." 

Mamoru's polite smile faded. "Err... Yeah," he lied glibly. After all, it wouldn't go over too well if he made his aunt out to be a liar. 

"Well, it's almost time for dinner. Why don't you come in the dining room and we'll prepare to greet the guests." 

Nodding, Mamoru followed his uncle into the dining area, glad to be spared from greeting the rest of the guests. Maybe it would get his mind off of Usagi. Having been forced to leave her, he missed her terribly. But she was probably having the time of her life on her vacation. Their love was so new, though, that he hadn't wanted to test it so quickly. But surely they would pull through--they were committed to each other. 

----- 

Usagi entered the hotel, having noticed that it was getting near dinnertime. Her mother wouldn't be too happy if she was late and made a bad impression the first day they arrived. But the lake had just been so serene and lovely, it had been hard to tear herself away. Finally, though, Usagi had realized how late it was getting and had hurried back to the hotel. 

Catching sight of her family just entering the dining area, she hurried after them. "Usagi, where were you?" Ikuko asked as they all sat down at a table. 

"I was down by the lake," she answered. "It's very beautiful." 

"Beautiful?" Shingo sneered. "Stupid girls; always thinking stuff is 'cute.' I bet you didn't even try to scare the ducks!" 

Usagi glared at him. "Of course not! Why would I scare an innocent little duck?" 

"Children, please!" Ikuko broke in. "No fighting on this trip, all right? We're here as a family. Usagi, I'm sure that the lake was very beautiful. Were there any attractions there that might interest your brother?" 

"No," Usagi told her. "It was just the lake. But it looks like there were never any humans there; it's amazing!" 

She pinned her gaze onto her brother, who had been mocking her behind her back. "Shingo..." Usagi growled in warning. 

"Ah, miss, please try not to kill one of our guests," a voice tinged in laughter said from behind her. 

She turned, seeing that it was the desk clerk from earlier. A flush spread over her face. "S-sorry," she stuttered. 

Shingo laughed. "Haha; Usagi got in trouble!" 

"Can it, twerp!" Usagi growled, glaring at him. 

Feeling a presence behind her, she turned, and her eyes widened when she recognized the person behind her. "Ah, this is my nephew, Mamoru," the desk clerk said. "He's visiting us here for a while, and I'm sure he'd be very happy in getting all of you settled in. Did anyone have any questions?" 

Usagi swallowed a few times. 'Yeah! Why is my lover here when I'm on vacation with my family?!' she screamed mentally. "No, no questions. We've found everything quite enjoyable," Ikuko said. 

Mamoru winked at Usagi, a slight smile tickling the side of his mouth as if he knew what she was thinking. A flush spread over her cheeks before she quickly tamped down on her run-away emotions. No one could know that she and Mamoru knew each other. Clearing her throat, Usagi said, "Do we get menus or what?" 

"Oh, forgive me," Kenshin said, smiling. "My wife will be around shortly to give you your menus. We have a first-class cooking staff; so anything that you order is sure to be pure perfection." 

Ikuko's eyes alight with joy. "First-class? Oh, I'm sure this will be a vacation to remember!" 

"Tsukino-san, is there anything I can get you?" Mamoru asked, his gaze on Usagi. 

"N-no thank you," she stuttered. It was odd--her lover calling her by her family name. But it was just so the others wouldn't realize their close relationship...wasn't it? Their love was so new, that Usagi wasn't sure that it wouldn't end as quickly as it had started. Hadn't he promised "forever" though? That had to mean _something._ Besides, even if their relationship did end in tragedy, Usagi knew that she would never forget him. Perhaps, after she was over the heartache, he would become a fond memory. No girl ever completely forgot her first kiss...or the man she lost her virginity to. And Mamoru was the man who was responsible for both. 

As Kenshin and Mamoru moved away, Usagi took in a quavering breath. Was it right of her not to tell her mother that she and Mamoru were...what? Involved? They weren't exactly "dating" but then... What sort of relationship did they have? Usagi didn't think that it was just passion shared for the time that they had been stuck together. She meant something to him--she had to! 

The woman came with their menus, and Usagi covertly studied Mamoru's aunt. The woman was white... That must explain the "American" theme of the hotel-slash-bed-and-breakfast that they owned. Alice went through a list of the chef's specialties, but in the end, the Tsukino family opted for a sushi platter. While waiting for the food, Usagi fingered the broach that was pinned onto her shirt, wondering if she was doing the right thing in keeping her identity a secret from Mamoru. He was still curious about the wounds she had displayed when he had taken her to his apartment, and rightly so. No normal teenager got hurt like that--and then refused to tell how it happened. Usagi could still feel the harsh burning of her tiara each time it powered up. Why did it have to hurt her hand each time she used it? If only it wasn't her only attack against the enemy... But, unfortunately, it was, and she had to deal with it. She didn't dare tell the others about the wounds she suffered from her tiara; they wouldn't understand the sacrifice she made just to end the youma. 

When the food arrived, Usagi dug in voraciously, not bothering to wait for the others to begin. She would push her thoughts to the back of her mind...and eventually she would confront Mamoru about being at the exact same hotel that she was at! Although she knew he hadn't planned it, it was still awfully convenient for his aunt and uncle to own this very establishment. 

----- 

Having found out what room was Usagi's from his uncle's book, Mamoru snuck down the darkened hallway, knocking on the door. "Who's there?" was the call that drifted through the doorway. 

"It's me," he muttered, checking the hall furtively to make sure no one saw him. 

Hearing the click of the door being unlocked, he smiled as the doorway opened and he gazed at the beautiful woman before him. She was wearing light blue pajamas with bunnies on them. Mamoru chuckled slightly at the outfit--it was so childlike... "Aren't you going to let me in, beautiful?" he murmured. 

Stepping back, she gestured him into the room. "What are you doing here?" she hissed as she closed the door and locked it. "If someone catches you--" 

"I'll just say I was making sure our guest was comfortable," he murmured, taking her in his arms. 

She smiled as his lips touched hers gently. "I had no idea that your uncle owned the hotel that we were going to be staying at." 

"And I didn't know that your family would be staying here. Do you like it here, Usagi? My uncle...he's asked me to stay on and help with the place." 

Her eyes widened. "To...live here?" 

Mamoru nodded. "Should I accept his offer?" 

Usagi frowned, stepping back from his embrace and moving to sit on the bed. "But it's so far from Tokyo... I'd never see you." 

He looked at her, sadness reflected in his eyes. "I know. That's why I haven't accepted Uncle Kenshin's offer yet. What would it mean...for us? That's what concerns me." 

Taking in a deep breath, Usagi sat on the edge of the bed. "Is...it what you want? Staying here, I mean." 

Mamoru shrugged, walking over to look out the window at the darkness. "I don't know," he said softly. "To tell you the truth, I'm not able to think past this moment...with you. When my uncle sprung the question on me, the first thing I thought about was how it would affect 'us.' Or...maybe I'm too hasty in thinking that we had anything outside of the time you were wounded and in my apartment." 

A pain shot through Usagi's heart. "You...think that what we shared was just lust?" she said in a hurt tone. 

He turned, frowning at her. "I don't want it to be just that. I want it to be a joining of soul mates." 

She smiled in relief. "Oh, my love... That's what it was." 

Getting to her feet, Usagi walked over and was embraced in Mamoru's loving arms. "Never doubt my love for you," he whispered as he held her close. "Never doubt me..." 

---- 

**Author's Notes**: I know that the whole "vacation at the hot springs" thing is like an episode in the first season of BSSM. (Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon), but it isn't _exactly_ similar. I just thought they needed a change of scene. What does everyone think about Mamoru staying there at the hotel to help his uncle? Or should he go back to Tokyo to be with Usagi? I value everyone's opinions. ^-^ 

I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter. Please review. 


	7. Not Coming Back

Sometimes when the one you love isn't around, you feel oddly bereft. It isn't the physical loneliness that hurts the most, but the spiritual one. When you used to having someone sleeping next to you, the first few nights they are gone can be very taxing. Tossing and turning without a wink of sleep all night isn't good for ones soul. Especially not when you think that, just maybe, the person might not want to be with you anymore. 

Usagi stared out at the sun reflecting off the sparkling lake, but not seeing the tranquil scene. Instead, she was seeing Mamoru's pained face as he told her about his uncle's offer. What sort of love did they share if he was even considering living in a place that was so far away from Tokyo? Their love was just blossoming; there was no way it could be able to flourish and grow with him living here. 

Didn't Mamoru see that? Or did he just not want to be near her? "Maybe he's jumping at this opportunity and just doesn't know how to tell me," she whispered. What if he had realized that he didn't really care for her? Standing up from her sitting position on the ground, she sighed at herself. Being melancholy wouldn't help anything. She had to get on with her life; it wasn't productive to be so self-pitying. 

Hearing the beeping of her communicator, she fished it out of her pocket and answered it. "Yeah? It's not a youma, I hope?" 

"No." It was the voice of Minako; a tinge of humor lacing her tone. "So... Are you going to spill about the 'mystery guy'? It's not fair keeping his identity to yourself!" 

Usagi sighed, rolling her eyes. "Minako, why does everything I do have to be questioned?" 

"You were gone for weeks!" A flash of ire showed in the girl's blue eyes. "The least you owe us is an explanation about who you were with! Or are we not good enough to know who the guy is?" 

"It's not that..." There was a tenor of hesitancy in Usagi's voice as she hedged around the issue. How was she supposed to tell the girls that she had fallen for Mamoru, of all people? They could even try to have her committed! After all, what _sane_ person fell in love with their professed worst enemy? "Look, I'll explain later, okay? Right now...isn't a good time." 

As she flipped the communicator closed and stored it in her pocket, Usagi looked out on the still waters. When would be a 'good time' to reveal that to her friends? 

It was still on the back of her mind about revealing to Mamoru that she was Sailor Moon. He hadn't said anything recently about her injuries, but she knew that he hadn't forgotten. When would he bring the topic up? It wouldn't be easy, trying to keep him from finding out about her secret identity, but it was something that had to be done. Wasn't it her duty as Sailor Moon to keep the secrecy of the Senshi? And if that meant that she had to keep a few secrets from her boyfriend... Well, so be it. 

"Usagi!" 

She turned at the strident tone, seeing the object of her thoughts striding toward her. Did he have some sort of radar or something? Pasting on a wan smile, she waited for him to get closer. The man's voice was soft as he stood before her. "Usagi, I've been thinking over my uncle's offer." The girl stilled, staring at him. Would he leave her...? "I've decided to stay here for a little while, see how it turns out." 

She stared at him, her world falling apart with those words. "Wh-what?" she stammered. Surely she had heard wrong! 

He sighed, running a hand through his already mussed hair. "I'm sorry, Usagi. I just think maybe I need a break from the city. There's a community college not far from here, where I can continue with my classes. I just feel more at peace here." 

The girl stared at him, tears collecting in her cerulean eyes. Usagi held them back bravely, straightening up as she collected herself. "You're leaving Tokyo?" 

Mamoru nodded, looking at her straight on. "Usagi, there are some things about me that I need to straighten out...before our relationship can progress. Do you understand? It's nothing against you. I've just got to straighten myself out before I can allow myself to love you." 

She frowned at him, all of the sparkle fading from her eyes. "But why do you need to leave Tokyo? Why...so far away from me?" 

"It's nothing personal, Usagi. Just...something that I have to do for _myself_." He looked toward the hotel-slash-bed-and-breakfast, seeing some of the guests heading toward the lake. "We'll talk later, okay? I've got to help my aunt." 

Watching as he walked off, Usagi felt oddly like half of her soul was going with him. But that was silly! He had professed his love for her, but no plans had been made for anything concrete. No one even knew they were involved! So it wasn't like she had a 'claim' on him or anything. What he wanted to do with his life was his choice. Right? 

*** 

Was there a set list of rules for hurting the person who held your heart? Mamoru hadn't been involved with Usagi for long, but he knew that she had secrets--potentially dangerous ones--that she was hiding from him. Just what person was so used to the pain her injuries had wrought? No one 'normal,' that was for sure. Or did she just put up a strong front for him so he wouldn't think her weak? 

But the wounds she had sustained when he had found her unconscious in the park... Those weren't 'everyday' wounds. So what was she hiding? Something important, of course. Maybe something that could eventually kill her? 

He had chosen to stay here, with his aunt and uncle, so that Usagi could get herself straight. Would she choose to tell him her secrets or not? If she wouldn't, then he knew that a relationship between them wouldn't go anywhere. It would wither and die if there were things unknown, unsaid, left between them. 

Mamoru's decision to stay here had been made after hours of thinking. He didn't even know yet if it was the 'right' thing to choose, or if he had made a mistake. Would Usagi resent him for deciding not to stay near her? He couldn't tell her that his final decision was based upon her openness, because then it would never be Usagi's true response. 

Within his heart, he cared for her deeply. But he just didn't feel that it was wise to allow that caring to grow. At least not while she held onto her secrets so tightly. What was so 'wrong' that she had to keep it hidden? 

_You're keeping the secret of you being Tuxedo Kamen from her._

He frowned at the voice that whispered in the back of his head. Why couldn't his conscience just leave him alone? It always popped up at the wrong time! "It's different," he muttered to himself. 

Keeping his secret was imperative, or it could result in the death of himself and those who knew his identity. Keeping his distance from Usagi, for now, was the only thing he could think of to save himself any undue hurt if she refused to tell her own secret. It was a defensive reaction; one that couldn't be faulted by anyone. He deserved to be kept in her confidence, didn't he? 

If they didn't have trust, and open lines of communication, then a relationship was doomed to failure. 

Wasn't it? 

*** 

The light was fading, casting shadows over the rock-strewn beach of the lake. Usagi looked out at the fading light, unshed tears glinting in her eyes. She couldn't cry, and show herself to be weak. Everyone thought of her as 'weak' already, and she wanted to get rid of that image. So what was she supposed to do to vent her anger and sadness...now that Mamoru was going to stay here? 

When he had said those words, it was like her world had split apart. Didn't he care about her feelings? Taking in a deep breath, she turned and trudged toward the hotel. Her mother had come out a few times, trying to coax her into the lodge for food, or rest. Usagi had refused each time, telling her mother "no" in a soft voice as she forcefully choked back tears. 

Ikuko had been able to tell that something was wrong, and she hadn't pressured her about it. The woman had known that Usagi was feeling down, and thankfully she hadn't tried to nose her way into her daughter's business. 

As she shuffled toward the hotel, her head down, she heaved a heavy sigh. Why couldn't she see into Mamoru's soul, to find out what was really going on with him? "If only I could look into your heart," she whispered as she slipped inside the hotel. 

Nodding at Kenshin, who stood behind the front desk, she slogged up the stairs and entered her room. Was this all just a laugh that fate was having at her expense? A quick joke of messing up her life and breaking her heart? 

Throwing herself down on her bed, she looked up at the ceiling blankly. Her thoughts were running wild, and she couldn't focus on just one. "This is so hard." 

The words were whispered; ripped from a throat clogged with tears. How could she possibly focus on anything--on _life_ with the man she had fallen in love with so far away? 

'How can I live like this?' 

Her heart had shattered, and she hadn't even realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Mamoru. Was his love real, or was he just pretending? 

*** 

**Author's Notes**: Okay! Is everyone mad at me now because Mamoru has decided to stay in Tokyo!? Well, I have a good reason for that! I'm depressed!! So live with it!! *cuddles with my new kitten* 

I think I'll get some interesting reviews for this... 

Oh, and if anyone wants to check it out, I've got a live journal at www.livejournal.com/users/tsukinohikage 


	8. Every So Often: Heartache

**Author's Notes**: I believe "Moon Tiara Stardust" is an attack taken from Episode 2, which was never aired in North America. I am substituting this attack, or 'healing power', for her "Moon Healing Escalation", since she doesn't yet know that she is the Princess. 

*** 

Usagi stood at the edge of the lake, looking down into it's depths. Why did it seem to call to her, as if it were...alive? It was almost as if Usagi could feel a sense of sadness emanating from the water. But that, of course, made no sense. Seeing a dark shadow out of the corner of her eye, she frowned at the light-haired man who knelt at the edge of the water just down the beach. Was he a new customer at the hotel? She hadn't seen him before- she would have remembered the long tresses of nearly-white hair. 

After a time, the man rose from the water's edge and, with a scathing glance her way, melted into the shelter of the forest. "What was that?" she murmured in confusion. 

"Usagi! You ready?" 

She turned at her mother's call, smiling to see her family gathered there at the edge of the woods. "Sure; I was just admiring the lake before we go." 

Then, sensing a malevolent presence behind her, she whirled to see the lake waters churning, a darkness appearing beneath the surface. Eyes widening, she stumbled back as a creature exploded from the depths. Her battle-trained mind stepped into warrior mode, and she stiffened in defense as she grabbed for her locket. 

"Usagi, let's go!" Ikuko screamed as she grabbed her daughter's arm, pulling her away just as the creature sent an attack at the place where Usagi had been standing. 

"You'll pay for taking him from me!" the creature yelled, garbled though her speech was. 

Usagi glanced back as her mother pulled her over to where the rest of the family was waiting. "Don't threaten my family, monster!" Kenji yelling, running at the sea creature with a stick he had picked up. 

"No, Papa!" 

Stumbling toward him, Usagi shrieked as her mother jerked her back. She had to help her father! Hit back by the creature, Kenji fell to the ground at his daughter's feet. Growling, the creature advanced on them. Cowering on the ground, scrambling for a heavier stick, Kenji yelled at his family to stay back- to run. 

"Leave my family alone!" Usagi cried, holding up her locket. "Moon Prism--" 

Her words were cut off as a fireball hit the back of the oncoming creature, sending it to the ground. "Wow, the Sailor Senshi!" 

Shingo's words were confirmed as the four sailor-suited warriors stepped into view. "Get out of here," Venus cried out. "We'll handle this!" 

Pulled along with her family, Usagi waited until the time was right to slip away under the cover of the fog that had suddenly appeared. Knowing that the cover was most likely thanks to Mercury's bubbles, Usagi transformed quickly. _'No one threatens my family!' _ she thought angrily as she ran back where she had left the others. 

Calling out her trademark speech, she glared at the creature from high up in a tree limb. Sailor Moon was out for blood- she would get her revenge. Leaping from the tree, she threw her tiara at the creature, ignoring the searing pain in her hand and forehead. The sea being dodged, eliciting a curse from the skirt-wearing warrior's lips. It wasn't supposed to avoid the attack! 

Her eyes widened as she saw the creature hurtling towards her at lightning speed. Running, she let loose a squeal as she tripped over a raised tree root. There was no time to think; to act! _'Mamoru!'_ her mind screamed. 

A red rose streaked through the air, landing just in front of her to stop the evil one in its progress. "Foul creature of the lake, leave this place!" came the strong voice of Tuxedo Kamen. 

Oddly wondering why hearing the masked man's voice didn't make her heart pound quite as fast anymore, Usagi got to her feet. She shrieked as the man engaged in combat with the monster, using only his cane as a weapon. "Tuxedo Kamen!" she yelled. 

Leaping away from the monster after delivering one last blow, he spared a glance for Sailor Moon. "Now!" 

Nodding, she powered up her tiara and, wincing from the pain. Flinging it at the creature, she called out a new phrase- "Moon Tiara Stardust!" 

As it struck the creature, Sailor Moon wondered where this new attack had come from. And what was it's purpose? Moments later, when a beautiful women appeared from the glittering dust, Usagi realized that it was not an attack at all- but a healing power. "Thank you, Sailor Moon." 

The woman- spirit?- drifted to the heavens, leaving behind a sense of wonder with the girls. Gaining her wits, Usagi looked around for the masked man, who was nowhere to be seen. Did their link extend for miles, then? Always before, he had rescued her only in Tokyo. 

*** 

"He's never coming back?" 

Usagi shrugged, toying with the napkin on the counter in front of her. "I-I'm not sure. When I saw Mamoru at the resort his uncle owns, he just told me to tell you that...he might not be coming back. After all, he's found family, and a life, out there." 

It had been a month since she had left the resort where she had vacationed with her family, and only now had Usagi worked up the strength to tell Motoki about his friend's decision. The arcade worked frowned, running a hand through his hair. "That doesn't sound like Mamoru. Is he going to call- or what?" 

"He didn't say," was all she could manage. Mamoru hadn't made anything clear before she had left, and Usagi felt like she had been in a fog since the day she had last seen him through the rear glass of the car. She had lost her heart to him, but did it mean anything to him? 

Maybe her keeping secrets from him had annoyed Mamoru, causing him to reject her. It hurt, but keeping the secret of her identity as Sailor Moon had to be her first priority. Over even the safety of family, or the yearning of her young heart. As leader, Usagi had learned the hard way that for anyone to know who she was would be to jeopardize her loved ones safety, and that wasn't something she was willing to go through. She wouldn't be able to take the constant worry of whether or not a youma had attacked Mamoru to get to her. 

The look of hurt in her eyes hadn't swayed him, and she wasn't sure if anything would. But it had been Mamoru's decision to stay, and she couldn't argue. He had said that they could talk through e-mail and Instant Messages, and maybe the occasional phone call. But Usagi knew that it wouldn't be the same. Technology couldn't replace the warm feeling of being in his arms; of seeing him each day. They said 'a picture is worth a thousand words,' but Usagi would give up all the beautiful portraits in the world just for a life in Mamoru's arms. 

Maybe she was being foolish. After all, a teenager didn't really know what she wanted. Right? The impetuousness of youth was interpreting a crush as true love, perhaps. Wasn't that what all the book-learned psychologists said? "A girl her age can't know true love!" They all acted like they knew more than she did, and it ruffled her feathers to be treated as a child. She knew the pain of love; of loss. It wasn't their place to judge. 

She picked up the lukewarm mug of hot cocoa she had ordered and took a sip. "Motoki," she ventured. "Do you think that Mamoru would lie to me?" 

The man glanced at her from where he had been serving another customer. "About what?" 

Usagi shrugged, running a slim finger around the rim of her mug. "It's just... I sort of think he might have lied to me at that resort. There are so many things I don't really know about him; it's hard to tell." 

Motoki shook his head, wiping down the counter where a youngster had left a water ring. "I don't think that Mamoru would lie- it's not his nature. Why?" 

"Just wondering, I suppose. No big thing." 

_'But does he consider me a burden?'_

Although Usagi trusted in Mamoru's love implicitly, she still couldn't quell the doubts that assailed her. She was younger than he was. Inexperienced where he was worldly. Awkward and shy where he was confident and self-assured. Never had there been two more ill-matched people. It was possible that what they had shared in his apartment had only been lust to him, nothing more. Although he had said that it wasn't, Usagi still had her doubts. Maybe he had even found someone else-- 

No! She put the brakes on that thought before it finished. Mamoru wasn't the type to cheat once he had uttered the word 'love' to someone, she was sure of that. So what had driven him away? 

_'You're only rehashing old thoughts!' _ her self-conscious told her sternly. It wouldn't do any good to think over it again; she had went down each avenue- and ended up at a dead end each time. 

Listening to the babble around her, Usagi was suddenly reminded that she still had many questions to field. If the other Senshi found out about Mamoru being her lover, and then essentially dropping her like a hot coal, it could become very uncomfortable for the upperclassman. Four angry Senshi breathing down his back, out for blood, would surely tip him off that something was 'different' with Usagi. 

She hadn't found the right words to tell the girls that her lover- who had 'claimed' her with his mark upon her neck- had gotten rid of her just as suddenly as he had taken her. It was better that they hadn't been told just _who_ her said lover was. Besides creating an awkward situation between herself and Rei, it would have left Mamoru open to attack- verbally or physically- from the girls who would want to defend Usagi's honor. 

A meeting had been planned at the temple to discuss the possibility that the earlier storm had just been an enemy ploy to distract them from something. But what could the enemy have wanted them to miss? It wasn't something that was glaringly obvious, that was for certain. Usagi rose from her position on the stool, waving to Motoki as she left. 

As she walked toward the shrine, Usagi let her thoughts carry her away. She was glad that there hadn't been any attacks lately, since the one at the resort. Using her tiara was really draining on her energy, and besides that, it just plain _hurt_! The burns were getting harder and harder to hide. And the search for the Moon Princess was still going nowhere. If they could find her, the source of all that was good, then their battle would be so much easier. The legendary power of the Moon Princess would wipe away the scourge of evil that threatened the land. 

Trudging up the long stairway to the shrine, Usagi focused once more on the story she would tell the girls. 

*** 

"Queen Beryl, the sickness-inducing storm did not appear to effect the Senshi." 

The queen frowned at her subordinate. "You have failed me, Kunzite. The 'Lady of the Lake' was supposed to have awesome powers. And yet, she has failed. Defeated by Sailor Moon. And why have you waited until a month of human time has passed before you've come to speak with me?" 

"I've been busy, my Queen." Bowing respectfully, Kunzite lowered his eyes. "Keeping a step ahead of the Senshi isn't easy, Highness. Allow me another chance to prove myself. The storm which was to have weakened them failed, as has the Lady of the Lake's powers. But I promise you, I will not mess up this time." 

She regarded him mutely for a long moment. "Very well. But do not fail me, Kunzite. You are trying my patience." 

"Yes, m'Queen." 

*** 

The colors of dusk were just beginning to paint the land, and the streetlights illuminating the streets as Usagi walked home. Her thoughts were jumbled, especially in the area concerning Mamoru. Lucky for her, the girls had been too focused on the earlier storm and the enemy's part in it to question her about her love life. But Usagi's conscience wouldn't let her rest. Why did she have to be so weak when it came to Mamoru? 

Maybe if she had pleaded with him not to stay, thrown herself in front of him and screamed out her heart, things would have been different. Could Mamoru have been swayed by that? It was too late to contemplate it now, though. It was done with; wishing she had planned her actions otherwise wouldn't change anything now. 

Stepping from the circle of light into the shadows that rimmed the park, she looked around. Something had been bothering her ever since the last youma attack at the resort. How had Tuxedo Kamen known to find her there? Before, the attacks had always been centered in Tokyo. A hot springs resort was far out of the way. Did he have some sort of 'radar' for her, or something? 

After getting involved with Mamoru, Usagi had barely given the masked man a thought. A crush that had seemed so deep before had turned out to be merely infatuation. But was that possible? Maybe getting involved with Mamoru, gaining his attention, had spoiled her feelings for Tuxedo Kamen. But that was foolish. Wasn't it? 

Feeling the comforting weight of her transformation broach in her pocket, Usagi reminded herself that things would be okay. If Mamoru _did_ end up rejecting her, she still had her purpose as Sailor Moon. Ridding the world of the evil of the Dark Kingdom and finding the Moon Princess were her two goals in life- so far. Who was to know what she would get into after that was accomplished? Either way, she would have enough to keep her mind off of Mamoru for a while. 

Hearing a noise, she stiffened. It was probably just a squirrel, but it was always better to be safe than sorry. Tightening her grip on her broach, she steeled her resolve and continued to walk through the park. She had to get home soon or her mother would scold her for being out so late. And that would be bad; Ikuko had threatened to take away her candy privileges if she was late one more time. Making her way home, Usagi wiped her mind of everything but a soft bed and a warm bath- not particularly in that order, either. 

*** 

**Author's Notes**: So, how was it? I hope that it was okay. ^^;; Please review. 


	9. Dreams and Distance

Sometimes, life throws you for a curve. Just when you think that all of your plans were the best you could have made, something happens to show you that it wasn't right. Mamoru had thought that his decision to stay at the resort was the best thing for him, since he had family there, but he was beginning to see the error of his ways. He spent, on average, three nights a week in a cold sweat. Sailor Moon's soul was bonded with his, and when she was in the middle of a battle, he felt it. Tuxedo Kamen, as her protector, should have been at her side. 

But Mamoru had chosen to stay at his uncle's resort, and so could not help the heroine of Tokyo. He didn't know how she felt about it. Did she even notice? He had known that the girl had been harboring a crush on him, but it seemed to have slacked off over the recent weeks. Hopefully, the Senshi were able to protect the girl when she got into scrapes. It wasn't as if it were his duty to protect her -- that privilege belonged to the Senshi -- but it had become a part of his everyday life. 

He had become a fixture at his uncle's resort, after spending three months there. He had contacted Usagi through the internet, and the occasional phone call, but he knew that it was putting a strain on their still-new relationship. It had only been in the growing stages, and he had pulled the thread of connection taut. Hopefully she understood why he had chosen to remain with the only family he had. It wasn't a question of how he felt about her, because that couldn't be contested. It was the principle of finding family after thinking he was alone for so long. It made a difference in a man's life, even if he didn't realize it. 

Mamoru knew that Usagi had felt a lot of stress over the past few months, and it had culminated in a crying jag that had lasted for two hours. He had grown irritated when she hadn't been able to tell him the reason why she had started crying, so he had chalked it up to her 'womanly time.' She hadn't been too happy about that, of course, but what else was he supposed to think? You didn't cry for no reason. He hadn't lived with a woman, since he could barely remember his mother, but he knew the horror stories he'd heard from other men, and he didn't want to duplicate their horrific times with a mad-eyed woman. 

Sitting in front of his laptop, Mamoru pecked at the keys, a frown on his face. They had made up fairly quickly with that argument, but it was likely to happen again. Since he had put so much distance between them, there had been a few arguments that they had gone through. A lot of them had ended with him growing angry and slamming the phone down, or signing off-line. Either way, he knew that it had been his actions -- his decision to stay with his aunt and uncle -- that had strained their relationship to the breaking point. 

It was even possible that Usagi felt that he didn't want her any longer. But that just wasn't true. He cherished her… more than she could possibly know. Maybe sometimes he couldn't show it, and showed his awful side, but he still cared for her. He couldn't ignore that, even if he tried. 

Hearing his uncle moving around in the hallway outside his room, he got to his feet and shut down the computer, dressing in the staff uniform he had been given. Another day of tedious work that would, perhaps, gain him a better life for Usagi. She would like him better if he had family, right? 

*** 

Usagi sat at the counter in the arcade, waiting for Andrew to bring her drink. She didn't want to admit it, but she was starting to miss Tuxedo Kamen in the battles. For the last few months, he hadn't shown up, even when she had been in dire danger. Had he decided that it wasn't worth his while to rescue a clumsy schoolgirl? She wouldn't be surprised, really. No man worth his reputation would want to spend his nights rescuing a schoolgirl -- maybe he had merely grown tired of it. 

Looking up as Andrew plunked down the fountain drink in front of her, she smiled tiredly and took a sip. The sweet taste of cherries and cream rolled over her tongue, exploding in a taste sensation. If it wasn't the problems with Tuxedo Kamen's mysterious disappearance, she also had to deal with Mamoru being so far away. Their love had started out as lust, and had slowly begun to grow. But with him staying at the resort with his uncle, the blossom would wither. 

Sipping at her drink thoughtfully, she propped her chin up on a hand, sighing. Mamoru just didn't seem to understand that the distance was pulling them apart. It wasn't a simple case of love beating the odds, there seemed to be so many things against them. Even life did its best to separate them, and if they didn't hold on, their love would fall apart. It was still so new, so fragile, that Usagi feared testing the waters. Perhaps something that they tried to strengthen their love despite the distance could end up weakening it instead. 

Usagi wasn't as naïve as some might believe, no matter the impression she gave. She knew that love could never be perfect, or have a fairy-tale ending, but she still had her hopes of romance in her life. She didn't want to think that her relationship with Mamoru was only based on sex, on lust. She wanted to think that they shared something deeper. Something that connected their souls in the way of true soul mates. 

Knowing that magic was real gave Usagi hope that, perhaps, so too was the idea of true loves and the bonds of soul mates. Before being shown that she was Sailor Moon, she never would have really believed in magic. She had loved the idea of it, and hoped for a miracle in her own life, but she hadn't truly expected it. But when it had come, it had opened up a whole new life for her. A life that she had embraced fully only after she had found pleasure in Mamoru's arms. Something about her relationship with him had opened up the other side of her life. 

None of it really made sense, but she couldn't dwell on the sensibility of it now. Her life was growing far too complicated for her to pay much attention to her relationship. He had chosen to stay away from her, taking their relationship into a level that seemed to be pretty high-maintenance. It had just begun, and already it was nearing the breaking point. 

Fanciful notions of an 'easy' love had thankfully been taken from Usagi just within the first few days as Sailor Moon. So, it wasn't as if she had taken to Mamoru's bed with any romantic, starry-eyed ideas of the morning after and the resulting relationship. It was true that she was younger than Mamoru, but not so young that she had to be considered a child by anyone's standards. She wouldn't ask anything of him, because that could very well separate him from her life completely. And, having him not in her life would surely hurt too much for her to bear. 

"So, have you heard from Mamoru lately?" Motoki asked, situating himself on the other side of the counter where he would be accessible if a customer needed something. "It's kind of weird that you guys were on speaking terms," he noted absently. 

Usagi took a sip of her drink, thinking over what she should say. "We… haven't really talked much. He must be busy helping his uncle." 

Motoki laughed, pouring himself a cup of coffee and taking a tentative sip. "Or maybe he's just busy checking out the female guests." He paused, during which Usagi's heart leapt into a her throat. "Well, probably not. I never really noticed Mamoru checking a girl out." 

A slight smile graced Usagi's lips. She, as well, have never noticed Mamoru 'checking out' the girls who hung around the arcade. Once, she had even speculated with the girls that he might be gay. That had given them a good week of laughs, and side-splitting jokes when he was within view, but out of hearing range. Now, though, Usagi knew that there was no way Mamoru was gay. Not after the long nights of pleasure he had given to her. Maybe he didn't look at women because he had been waiting to devote himself to that special one. But… who? 

Usagi wasn't irrational enough to think that she was the woman who would steal Mamoru's heart. It would be someone older, experienced, beautiful. She knew that she didn't fill any of those requirements, and there could be a time when she would have to let Mamoru go. "I still can't figure out why he left Tokyo. I thought Mamoru had a pretty good life here." 

Looking at him, Usagi smiled sadly. "Sometimes, family means more to someone than the life they knew. Mamoru was an orphan, right? So… Finding family would mean a lot to him, if he thought that he had no one left. How can you begrudge him that?" 

Motoki frowned at her. "Hey, I know that he's been lonely since he didn't really have any family to turn to. It's not like I'm mad at him for finding family ties or anything, I just… I don't know, it's weird not having him around." 

"You got so used to him," Usagi said softly. 

She knew how Motoki must be feeling, but she couldn't reveal it. Motoki had lost a best friend, but Usagi had lost a lover. She couldn't rightfully call him her boyfriend, or anything more substantial than a lover, because all they had shared had been in the bedroom. Nothing had been made public, but maybe that was better than just blurting it out. Everyone would wonder just how the two enemies had fallen in love. Even her having inside knowledge on his staying at his uncle's resort was getting odd looks from the others. 

Finishing off her drink, she smiled at Motoki as she slid off the stool. "He'll be back before you know it." 

It was certainly a white lie, because the last e-mail she'd received from Mamoru, he had been quite content to remain at the resort. She had sent back a short letter of admiration that he was blending into his surroundings so admirably, and had kept any hint of sadness out of the note. It wouldn't do for him to chalk it up to her teenage hormones, when she knew that it was more than that. 

The short e-mail she had left him would, she knew, be received in a mere hour, after he had finished all of his afternoon chores for his uncle. Usually, Usagi made it a priority to be on-line at that time so that they could talk over Instant Messages, but lately it was only wearing on her soul. She loved Mamoru deeply and missed the feel of his arms around her. Sometimes, she couldn't help but think that her time with him had been only a dream. And yet, it seemed so real… 

Why did the reality seem as if a dream, and the dreams seem so real? It just wasn't fair. She wondered if anyone else had ever felt that way. Or was she crazy? 

Taking a seat in her living room with a box of chocolate-dipped Pocky, she munched on it absently as she flipped through the television channels. It wasn't exactly a night of prime programming, and she quickly found herself bored. Usually, she would be talking to Mamoru right now, but she was just so confused about their relationship. Her parents were at some sort of party for her father's business, and her little brother was staying at a friend's house, so she wouldn't be disturbed for a few hours. 

Minako had called earlier, asking if she wanted to go shopping, but Usagi had declined. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time with her friend, it was just that she needed a little time alone to sort out what was going on. Her relationship with Mamoru had become so rocky that she wasn't even sure what was a fantasy and what was real-life. It would take more than a night to unravel all the knots that had been formed. When had the catalyst turned a blossoming relationship into a rough sea? When he had chosen to move away from Tokyo, perhaps. 

The phone rang, and she switched off the television. Pushing aside the empty box of Pocky, she picked up the receiver, calling a cheery greeting. She was slightly irritated that her thinking on a serious matter had been interrupted, and even more annoyed that it turned out to be a wrong number. 

Sinking back onto the couch, she looked up at the ceiling, a frown tugging at the sides of her mouth. It wasn't everyday that she found herself in a whirling circle of confusion, and to be truthful, she wasn't quite certain where to go from here. She knew that she loved Mamoru, even if their relationship had started with just lust, and she knew that he felt something for her too. So why was it so hard to get over the 'distance' variable? It shouldn't be so complicated! 

Walking over to the window, she looked out at the peaceful neighborhood. It wasn't like the run-down neighborhood that Makoto lived in; it was a nonviolent, middle-class area, just perfect to raise a family and hold down a good job. There were neighbor children playing on the sidewalk, their happy cries reaching Usagi's ears. She knew that she fought as Sailor Moon for the happiness that those kids had found. She had never mocked Makoto for living in what could be termed the ghetto, because the girl's parents had died and she was now dependant on herself. It was just … different from any of the others. 

The peaceful neighborhood Usagi had grown up in was so familiar. Before meeting Makoto, she had foolishly thought that no one could live in a place that wasn't so peaceful. She had been so child-like in her innocence that she hadn't imagined a place like the ghetto could exist. After her friendship with Makoto had opened her eyes to so many things, she supposed that she shouldn't have been amazed by anything that had happened with Mamoru. 

Refuge from a storm had escalated into white-hot passion, which had led into love. It didn't make sense, even to Usagi, but she just let it flow. She had come to fall in love with the man she had considered her worst enemy, and she couldn't be happier. Some people would be against it -- in fact, _most_ people would be against it -- but she didn't care. They were in love, and that was all that mattered. She knew that Mamoru would be pleased that she wasn't a childish girl who needed to be talked out of fantasies of "happily ever after" and that she understood that, even if they were in love, maybe it would end badly. She still held a rosy outlook on the relationship, though, because she knew what she felt for him was true. 

Watching the kids run toward their house at their mother's call, she smiled softly. What would it be like to have a child, to have borne a life and be responsible for it? She knew that she wasn't ready for a child, because the novelty of it would wear off quickly, and then the responsibility and a life of hardship would begin. She had seen far too many teenage mothers struggling to make a life, and that had robbed away the romance of it. 

She would content herself with her love for Mamoru, and let it rest at that. Whatever else may come that would send their relationship to a new level she would welcome, but she wouldn't force it. Her duty as Sailor Moon had to come before any personal matters that would get in the way. It wasn't always fair, but it was the way things had to be. As a warrior, Usagi had her duties that had to come before her relationship with Mamoru. Perhaps it was better that he had chosen to stay behind, because her secret would remain hers for a bit longer. 

Turning away from the window, she began to pick up a few stray things that were sitting around, left by the messier members of her family. The phone rang and she sighed, folding up a jacket that had been left on the back of a chair. Picking up the receiver, she propped it up with her shoulder as she mumbled a greeting. 

"Why aren't you on-line? I missed you today." 

She smiled softly at the familiar voice. "I was busy cleaning, and I suppose I lost track of time," she explained. It wasn't exactly a lie -- she _had_ been cleaning, but more to avoid talking to him than any other reason. 

"As long as you're all right." 

"Yeah." 

A silence fell, and Usagi shifted from foot to foot nervously. Sometimes, she just wasn't sure what to say to Mamoru. She enjoyed talking with him, but sometimes the awkward silences grew to be too much. The dead air hung between them like a dark veil separating them. 

"Motoki's been asking about you," she commented. 

Mamoru frowned on the other end of the line, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I should've contacted him. I just…" 

"You've been busy," Usagi said for him. "He can't blame you for that." 

Looking up at the ceiling tiles, she crossed her eyes for a distraction, and laughed silently at herself. Was she growing bored with Mamoru, or… No, of course not. They just didn't have a lot to talk about now. "So, have your friends been told that I'm your boyfriend yet?" 

"No." She sweat dropped, nervous look descending on her face even though he couldn't see her. "I'm… just not ready to tell them yet. It would be really awkward, especially with you so far away." 

"Of course. I wouldn't ask you to say something that would cause them to think you're lying. Usako… I still love you." 

She smiled, lowering her eyes. "I love you too." 

They said their good-byes, because he was calling long-distance, and hung up, each with a heavy heart. The distance was even more defined when they had to stop talking, and she felt it keenly now. Her love for him couldn't be denied, and she knew it. Even if she had to forget about being Sailor Moon, she wouldn't let anything take her away from that man. 

It was hard sometimes to see what was right in front of ones face, but if you took a close enough look, you could understand something. But for Usagi, it was easy enough to know that she was truly in love with Mamoru. It didn't get any clearer than that. 

Grabbing her jacket, Usagi left the house, not even minding that the sun was just beginning to sink below the horizon. She had to talk to Makoto -- there had to be a way to make herself a better woman for Mamoru! Makoto was the more self-reliant of any of the girls, so surely she would know what Usagi needed to do! Walking down the street, she felt self-conscious, but ignored it to the best of her ability. 

Gangs on the street corners in Makoto's neighborhood wasn't unusual, but this was the first time Usagi had walked here late at night alone. Usually Makoto or one of the others were with her, and she was talking so much she didn't pay attention to her surroundings. But now, there was no one to distract her and she all too clearly saw the tattooed men leering at her. 

Usagi ignored the lewd comments called out to her as she hurried toward Makoto's apartment building. Fresh graffiti decorated the door, but she pushed past it and found herself on the second floor in front of Makoto's door. Knocking, she waited for a response. 

"Yes?" 

She could tell that Makoto was standing just on the other side of the door, using caution before she opened her door to an unidentified person. "Mako-chan, it's me." 

The door was opened, and the brunette frowned at her. "Usagi! What're you doing out at this hour? Is everything okay?" 

She smiled nervously, shrugging. "I just needed some advice, and I didn't feel right asking over the phone. Do you… mind if I come in?" 

Stepping back, Makoto motioned the girl inside, her frown lessening only slightly. "Sorry about the mess. I wasn't expecting anyone, and the boss was riding me pretty hard today about some 'mistakes' he said I made yesterday." 

Makoto had taken on a part-time job as a waitress to support herself, and her boss discriminated against her because she was still in high school. Makoto could handle herself against the hateful comments, though, and she had made it clear to her boss that she wouldn't stand for any unfair treatment. No one would work at the 'Last Time It Rained' restaurant -- at least, no one had answered the ad that had ran for weeks in the local paper. After seeing that it hadn't been taken out, Makoto had taken a chance and applied for the job, and ended up being hired on the spot. She had welcomed the job to help pay the bills and other necessary expenses. 

Taking a seat on the sofa, Usagi welcomed the tea that Makoto set in front of her on the table. "Do you sometimes wish that you were like other girls?" Usagi said softly, looking down at the tea. "Not just as a Senshi, I mean… With parents, and all that? It has to be hard on you, working and using all your money to pay bills. You don't even get to eat out, or buy stuff!" 

Makoto shrugged, sipping at her own steaming tea. "I guess I haven't thought about it much. It would be nice to have my parents back, of course, but I've made my own life. The accident that took them was just Fate, I suppose. It can't be changed now." 

"No, of course it can't be changed. But… Don't you wish for normal sometimes? I know I do, and I just have to deal with being a Senshi! There's so much more that makes you… different." 

Nodding, the girl looked at her friend. "Is there a point to this? Not that I don't enjoy the company," she was quick to reassure Usagi. "It's just, why are you saying these things? I don't need sympathy; I'm used to my life." 

"I know." Usagi shrugged, sipping her tea. "I'm just confused about my own life, I suppose. You're my age, but you've got your own place, a job, and you don't even complain! I just… feel like I'm slow, I guess. Shouldn't I have a job, be dependant on myself by now? My parents can't support me forever. I'm not a child any longer." 

"Have you applied for a job?" 

"Sure." Usagi shrugged, laughing mockingly at herself. "I guess none of the places thought I had any potential. I've tried, but…" She shook her head. "No use in self-pity, though." 

"So… I'm sure you didn't come here just to ask me about my life?" 

Usagi shook her head. "Oh, of course not. Sorry. Have you ever felt that maybe you aren't good enough? I mean... There's this guy that I like -- well, he likes me too, I guess -- but I just think that I'm not good enough for him. Can you show me how to, you know, be more... like you?" 

Makoto frowned at her friend, sitting her tea cup down on the table. "You're saying you want to change yourself, just for a guy? Usagi, if he doesn't like you for who you are, don't bother with him!" 

The girl nodded. "I understand that. It's not that he doesn't like me for me, it's just... I want to be better for him. It's my want for this that I'm asking. He hasn't said anything... Not that we talk much lately." 

"So, it's not because he's asked you to change?" 

"No, of course not." Usagi gulped down the last of her tea, sitting the empty cup down. "I just want to feel better about myself, I guess." 

Nodding, Makoto cleared her throat. "So - what is it that you want to learn?" 

She smiled nervously. "Well... How can I be more mature? More... Self-reliant?" 

"So he'll respect you, I suppose," the brunette mused. Getting to her feet, she walked over to a bookshelf, pulling out a photo album. Flipping through it, she set it down in front of Usagi. "See that girl?" She pointed to a picture of a girl with her brown hair in two pigtails, green eyes shielded behind coke-bottle glasses and braces on her teeth. "She... used to be me. Before I realized that life wouldn't just pass me by, or act as if I was special just because I'd lost my family. I had to grow up... before my time. I don't want that to happen to you, Usagi." 

Sitting down again, she shrugged. "After my parents were killed, I was still this innocent, geeky-looking girl that's in the picture. It wasn't until I got mixed up with a man that I realized that my image just wasn't working. The man was out to use me for the savings my parents had left, and I was young enough to believe that he really loved me for me. It took a while, but I finally matured into the person you see now. The person that you know, Usagi, is a girl who was forced to grow up way before her time. I don't want that happening to you, just because you feel you have to impress some guy." 

Usagi stared at her, then glanced down at the photo album still spread out on the table. It was hard to imagine that the self-assured, kick-butt girl that she knew had once been a shy, nerd-like girl. "But what about my duty as Sailor Moon? I need to be mature for that, right? I can't remain like I am and still be leader." 

Makoto shrugged, shutting the photo album, leaving it set on the table. "Just because you're a Senshi doesn't mean you have to be tough. You're fine just the way you are. Rei might complain a lot, but that's just her way. The point is: You don't have to change for anyone, Usagi. Just be yourself." 

It wasn't the information Usagi had wanted to hear -- far from it -- but she supposed she should heed Makoto's words. After all, the martial artist was the most mature of their group, and surely she knew what she was talking about. Agreeing with her friend, Usagi poured herself another cup of tea and they settled into the chitchat routine they knew so well. 

*** 

The clouds halfway obscured the crescent moon, the silhouette of a slim girl portrayed in the window of a summer resort. Slipping past the balcony doors, she looked around the room, eyes falling on the sleeping form in the bed. Maybe using her powers as Sailor Moon for voyeurism would be frowned upon if the others knew about it, but she had missed him terribly. Looking upon Mamoru's sleeping face was innocent enough. 

She knew, of course, that if he awoke and saw Sailor Moon skulking about his room, she'd have a lot of questions to answer. The man was smart -- he would obviously question why a super heroine was in his room. After all, Chiba Mamoru had no connection to the Senshi -- at least none that she was aware of -- and it would make for an awkward situation. 

However, she had been missing him far too much lately. With their lives growing ever busier, they hadn't even had much time to talk. She had found that, by concentrating, she was able to channel her powers and transport herself to a different location. With her new-found power, she had taken it upon herself to pay Mamoru a nightly visit. He would never know she was there, though, but perhaps that was better. 

The man turned over, groaning in his sleep. She took a few steps back, poised for flight. Luckily, he seemed to fall back in the arms of slumber. Sighing softly in relief, she observed the face that was mostly obscured by shadows. It was a beloved, familiar face that had been out of her sight for months now, and it had gotten to be too much. 

Turning, she prepared to leave, but a voice stilled her movements. "Serenity… Don't go." 

Stiffening, she whirled around, expecting to see… She wasn't sure what. But all that encountered her gaze was the still-sleeping man, an expression of desperation on his face. Why did the name Serenity sound so familiar to her? Was it part of her past? But why… would Mamoru be calling it in his sleep? It didn't make sense. 

"Show me your face, Serenity. Don't leave this time." 

The man was still locked in sleep, but for some reason, Usagi felt his words down to her very soul. Who… was he talking about? It just didn't make sense. Who was Serenity, and why did she seem so familiar to Usagi? Looking down at the sleeping man, she could almost see an ancient-looking type of armor on him, forbidding expression on his face. Why did he look so familiar? 

Reaching down to caress his face, she smiled softly. Always, he would hold a special place in her heart. Distance wouldn't be enough to separate them if she had anything to say about it. 

*** 

Luna frowned at the blonde girl who had just finished describing the odd events. "Serenity… That was the name of the Princess we're searching for. But why would Mamoru say that name in his sleep?" 

Usagi shook her head, as confused as the feline advisor. She had confided in Luna about her relationship in Mamoru, preparing herself for the scolding she knew would come. Luna had yelled angrily, lecturing her about giving away her duty as Sailor Moon in favor of a man who they weren't even sure of. And now, this man had taken to calling the name of a long-lost princess in his sleep? Something had to be off -- Luna could sense it. 

"How can this man possibly know about Serenity?" Luna muttered again. "He's a civilian, for Selene's sake!" 

"I don't know why, but I do know what I heard. He clearly told her not to leave him. What could it mean, Luna? I don't want to tell the others, because I know they'll only get mad at me for getting involved with Mamoru. Especially Rei! She'll feel betrayed -- she thinks that Mamoru is hers." 

The cat remained in her sitting position on the bed, her eyes containing a serious look. "There has to be a way to find out how much he knows." 

"I can't believe Mamoru would keep something like that away from me. Is it possible that he was alive in the Moon Kingdom, too?" 

"No." The feline shook her head, reaching a paw up to bat at the girl in front of her. "It just isn't possible. The only people reborn were the Senshi and the enemy." 

Usagi frowned. So how was it possible that Mamoru knew about the Princess, then? Unfortunately, Luna didn't have an answer. So who would? 

*** 

Propping the phone up against his shoulder as he cleared away some plates from the dinner table, Mamoru frowned. "Usagi, I'm telling you. I don't know anyone named Serenity." 

"Then why did you talk about her in your sleep? Who _is_ she, Mamoru? I need to know." 

He sighed, finishing the cleaning and slumping into a chair. "Why is this so important now? If I was talking about someone named Serenity in my sleep before, why didn't you say something then? It's really unusual that you'd wait until now." He paused. "Or are you just trying to beat around the bush and say that you think I'm cheating on you?" 

"Of course not!" she burst out. How could he even think that? It was crazy -- she trusted him far more than that! But telling him that she'd been in his room at the resort wasn't an option. There would be no way she could explain how she had gotten there. But she still needed answers, and she would do anything to have them. Even Luna knew that it was important to find out why Mamoru had been saying that name in his sleep. 

Frowning in frustration, Mamoru waved away his aunt as she looked in the doorway. "Usagi, I'm not going to lie to you. If there was another woman, I wouldn't be wasting time with you. Okay? Now stop being so paranoid; it's stupid. I don't know anyone named Serenity!" 

'Are you lying to me, or do you really not remember your dreams?' she wondered sadly as she cheerfully agreed with him. Since he wouldn't -- or couldn't -- tell her about Serenity, she would just drop the subject. There was no reason in trying to get him to open up about something that he wouldn't. 

*** 

**Author's Notes**: So… Mysterious dreams that Mamoru refuses to explain? Hmm… It's no secret that Usagi would be jealous of him dreaming of another woman, but there's something else there… something that she doesn't understand… that keeps her from hating Serenity. A woman who seemed to have deserted him when he needed her the most. 

Well, I hope that this chapter was acceptable. Please review. ^_^ 


	10. Memories Forgotten

    Jealousy is an awful emotion, and everyone will feel it at one time or another. Whether it's a child's want of an object a schoolmate has or a woman's annoyance that her mate is looking at another, no one can escape the strong grasp of jealousy. Ever since the night she'd heard Mamoru call out another woman's name, Usagi had felt the emotion strongly. She knew that Serenity was the name of the lost moon princess, but how could Mamoru dream about her?

    They had seemingly lost all contact the last few weeks, Mamoru saying that he would be busy helping his uncle renovate the west wing of the resort. Usagi hadn't heard from him for weeks, and she feared that he had lost interest in her. It wasn't unthinkable -- after all, she was merely a child to him and of less intelligence than a gnat.

    Luna had been puzzling over the man's knowledge of the lost princess, confiding in Artemis about Usagi's relationship with him. The white feline hadn't known anything further than his black counterpart, but they would think on it further. If a civilian like Mamoru was getting dreams of Serenity, it had to mean something important. What if the princess was trapped somewhere, and only able to sent out messages through dreams? If that was the situation, then they would have to find out what Mamoru's dreams were about.

    Usagi's jealousy didn't matter any longer, Luna had said. If the princess was in danger, if she needed help, Usagi had to take up the attitude of the battle-hardened warrior she'd surely been on the moon. Luna had chided her that the rest of the Senshi had found the attitudes of their past lives and used them to their advantage in battle. Slower than the rest, apparently, Usagi had felt the brunt of Luna's censure. She couldn't help that she wasn't able to find the warrior spirit from her past life, but she couldn't stop trying.

    They would find the princess, and they would stop Beryl from any other plans of world domination. Artemis had pinpointed the location of Beryl's stronghold -- somewhere in the 'frozen north' -- and they were all preparing for battle. They had begun to speculate about why Tuxedo Kamen had suddenly stopped appearing to help them, and they could only hope that the enemy hadn't captured him somehow. Usagi had more things to worry about than Senshi duties -- like her situation with Mamoru. But she could overlook that easily enough if she had something else to concentrate on. It was only when she was sitting in the house, or at night, that she truly missed him.

    Sitting on the steps leading to Rei's temple, Usagi looked up at the flutter of wings, seeing Rei's two pet crows flying overhead. Well, you couldn't really call them her 'pet' crows; they were at least half-tame. It seemed that the two crows the priestess had adopted were always around at one time or another. Usagi had wondered at their attachment to Rei, but had finally decided it was only because she fed them regularly. It would be nice to be able to fly so free, like they did.

    "Usagi?" 

    Turning, she saw the inquisitive eyes of Rei. Smiling sheepishly, Usagi got to her feet. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

    Question flashed on the girl's face. "We don't have a Senshi meeting today, do we?" 

    "No." Usagi smiled nervously, not sure how to proceed. She didn't want to hurt Rei by revealing that she and Mamoru had been intimate, but they did need to find out what he knew about the moon princess. Serenity wasn't a common name, and if Usagi hadn't only imagined seeing him dressed like a warrior from the Silver Millennium, then he had been in the past. The image of him had been so vivid that she had mentioned it to Luna, and the feline had requested that she speak to the fire-reader of what she'd seen. Of all of them, Rei was more in tune with the spiritual forces because of her psychic skills. 

    Taking a deep breath, Usagi plunged in with the explanation of just _who_ her 'mystery lover' had been, and why she now needed Rei's help. The girl only looked at her impassively, violet eyes revealing nothing of the feelings inside. As the silence stretched on, Usagi shifted self-consciously. Was Rei really that mad? Swallowing nervously, Usagi glanced down at the concrete beneath her feet.

    "I'm sorry… Luna thought we should ask you, just in case the fire told you something."

    The priestess' face was blank, and Usagi began to wonder if she had heard her words. Finally, the violet orbs lifted to her companion's face, stormy in their intensity. Usagi had never seen Rei look quite so dangerous as she did now. Something had let go in the other woman's spirit, and it frightened Usagi immensely. Taking a step back, Usagi wondered if perhaps she'd gone too far in asking for Rei's help. Mars had been quick to anger in the Silver Millennium, even quicker to dole out punishment to those who had given her less-than-happy emotions, and Usagi remembered all too well seeing the bloodshed that could happen as a result of Mars' displeasure.

    "Rei, none of this was meant to hurt you…" she said slowly.

    Drawing her eyes to the blonde's face, Rei forced a wan smile. "I understand the reasons, Usagi. You don't have to explain. We have to figure out how and why Mamoru is dreaming of Serenity, though. It doesn't seem right that a civilian should dream of our princess."

    Turning, the priestess headed into the temple, Usagi trailing behind. The red-and-white robes of her status as the temple's guardian, and her sense of purpose, kept the tourists milling around from stopping her with stupid questions. It wasn't unusual for her to be stopped by a foreigner, or even a citizen of Tokyo, who wanted to know about the authenticity of the 'love charms' or how long it would take for them to get results. 

    Sitting behind Rei, watching the raven-haired girl as she consulted the sacred flames, Usagi wondered what the girl was thinking. Did she really feel as casual about the whole thing as she had acted? Usagi knew that Rei had always carried a torch for Mamoru, and Usagi regretted that she had gotten to him first.

    "Somehow, Mamoru is connected to the princess."

    Rei's voice was soft, drawing Usagi from her thoughts. "Connected?"

    The priestess nodded, turning to look at her friend. "I'm not an expert, but… if I had to guess, I'd say that this was a link like the sort that soul-mates share." 

    Usagi frowned. "But how is that possible? Mamoru wasn't in the Silver Millennium; he couldn't have been!"

    "I don't know, but… it's true. The sacred fire doesn't lie about things like this." 

    Bowing her head, Usagi closed her eyes momentarily. "You don't think that Mamoru has… been seeing her in this life, do you?"

    "Cheating on you? No." Rei smiled at her friend, trying to give her encouragement. "Mamoru isn't the sort of guy to cheat -- especially on you. I think he was telling you the truth when he said that he didn't know that he was dreaming about her. If he says he doesn't know Serenity, it's most likely true. It isn't necessary that he tell you about his dreams."

    Nodding, Usagi accepted Rei's words. It wasn't that Mamoru was hiding his dreams from her, it was the fact that he was able to dream about the princess. Why was that possible? "I wonder if Tuxedo Kamen is okay," she said softly. 

    Rei looked at her. "You haven't mentioned him in months."

    "My priorities have shifted, I suppose. But Tuxedo Kamen is still…"

    "He's our ally."

    Usagi lowered her eyes. "Luna says we shouldn't be too sure of that. But why else would he have disappeared if the Dark Kingdom hadn't captured him?"

    A chill breeze swept through the room, leaving Usagi shivering slightly. It was as if someone had walked over her grave, or so the phrase went. Coughing nervously, she smiled tightly at Rei. Apparently the other girl hadn't felt it, and she was supposed to be more in tune with the spirits around her. Sighing, Usagi got to her feet and peered out at the bustling temple grounds. 

    Rei's life wasn't as cut-and-dry as others might assume. Where they saw only a priestess working at her grandfather's temple who was good at fire-readings, Usagi knew that there was so much more. In this life or the last, Rei's spirit had been forced to carry the weight of many problems -- some not even Rei knew about. Usagi didn't know why she sometimes felt as if she had inside information on Rei's life from the Silver Millennium, but nor did she understand why Serenity was calling for Mamoru. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

    "Usagi." She looked over, seeing the intense look in the other girl's violet orbs. "Are you sure that you want to do this?"

    "I have no choice. I _have_ to ask Mamoru why he is dreaming about Serenity. And if that doesn't work…"

    Rei frowned. "You wouldn't."

    "I have to."

    Saying nothing more, Usagi walked away. Rei stared after her, expression full of sympathy for her friend. Could Usagi really take Mamoru's memories, using Luna's mind-meld as a tool? They had realized that, using the power of one of the feline's, they were able to read another's thoughts. Hopefully it wouldn't go that far, though. It was an amazing invasion of privacy. It had been done in the Moon Kingdom when spies or traitors were apprehended and refused to talk, but eventually it had been banned for being too invasive. 

    During the end of the Silver Millennium, the practice had still been done by some who had a twisted idea of loyalty to the queen. Usagi remembered being in attendance when the queen had been forced to execute a few overly zealous soldiers who had tortured captives before resorting to a fatal type of mind-meld to get the answers they sought. From what Usagi could recall, Serenity had punished those fatalistic practioners as soon as they had been routed out. 

    If she used the mind-meld on Mamoru, it would make her no better than the self-proclaimed traitors that had used the fatal practice out of misguided loyalties, resulting in their own deaths. Taking a breath, Usagi paused on the bridge heading toward her home, looking down at the churning waters. The roiling waters were like the turmoil in her soul, and it soothed her just a little to know that something else on the planet felt as she did.

    Turning her steps toward home, she wondered against about the mysterious disappearance of Tuxedo Kamen. If the Dark Kingdom had captured him, it was up to them to rescue him, even if Luna would be against it. The two feline advisors had much to learn about trust, Usagi decided. Just because Tuxedo Kamen's intentions weren't clear didn't mean that he wasn't on their side. 

*** 

    The usual chirping of the birds was noticeably silent as Mamoru stood at the edge of the lake, looking down at the magically-created rose in his hand. His alter-ego as Tuxedo Kamen hadn't been in use for months, and it had left an almost gaping hole in his personality. His daily routine had been interrupted by not having to save Sailor Moon from any number of perilous situations, and he didn't like it one bit. But family was more important than the clumsy girl… wasn't it? 

    He had gotten close to his uncle and aunt over the months, but there was still something missing. Something close to his heart that couldn't be filled by family love, no matter how he wanted it to be that way. Mamoru wasn't sure of his feelings for Usagi, even if he had once believed them to be love. He now thought that his feelings for her had been inspired by lust, and he had only seen them as love because he hadn't wanted to admit that he could be ruled by wants of the flesh. 

    Looking out at the still waters of the lake, he wondered idly why Usagi had suddenly started questioning him about his dreams. For as long as he could remember, he had experienced dreams that were amazingly vivid, but when he awoke, he couldn't recall what they had been about. If Usagi was jealous that he was dreaming of another women -- and apparently calling out to her in his sleep -- then it had to be something important. Something from the side of his life that was Tuxedo Kamen? 

    Fingering the soft petals of the blood-red rose, he contemplated the setting sun. It was a beauty that not a lot of people could appreciate, and even fewer wanted to care about life's beautiful moments. He had never understood just how the people of Earth had gotten so depraved and, for some reason, it pained his soul to see the awful things that people did to each other, animals, and their planet. 

    "Mamoru." Turning, he nodded at his aunt as she walked up next to him. "I've noticed that you're a bit distracted lately. Is everything all right?"

    Looking down, Mamoru fingered the petals of the rose absently, noting the soil beneath his scuffed sneakers. "I'm just missing my friends back in Tokyo."

    "Why don't you call them? Or go back to visit? We don't need you here every day, dear. Your uncle and I have gotten along quite nicely before you came along." She smiled at his quick glance. "It's not that we don't appreciate having you around, because we do. Your uncle was so joyful to know that you'd survived the car wreck. But… You can't just transplant yourself here so easily; you need to do it gradually."

    Mamoru frowned. "So you think I should travel back to Tokyo?"

    "For a visit, yes. And if you don't want to stay… Well, we're always here for you."

    Not knowing what to say, he watched as his aunt headed back toward the resort. Was his aunt right? Tokyo was calling to him -- not the city itself, but the people who had become close to his heart. Maybe a visit back to see how Motoki was doing would be good for him. And, if the opportunity arose, he would help out Sailor Moon in battle and make sure she was doing okay. 

*** 

    A soft instrumental tune played on the radio, the room lit only by the few flickering candles set strategically on low Japanese-style tables. Curtains were drawn across the windows, setting the dim atmosphere of the room; the only sound coming from the scratching of a pencil as a girl worked at one of the low tables, candles nearby to send illumination over the paper. 

    The brunette's green eyes crinkled a little at the edges as she squinted at a particularly difficult word. It was English homework, and it had never been her best subject. In fact, all of the Senshi had already passed English -- except for Usagi, of course. Makoto had never figured out why Usagi pretended that she couldn't do any of work, when it was obvious that she knew the material. 

    Makoto had long ago put aside a room in her apartment for the sole purpose of studying or being alone. The warrior of lightning wasn't the best at her studies, and she would admit that. But to fall behind just because of her shortcomings wasn't something that she would accept. And so the music, with its soft music and dim lighting (just enough to read by) had been created so that she wouldn't be distracted. 

    Reading over the open textbook, she penciled in some notes in the margin, making a mental note to erase them before returning the book at the end of the semester. Continuing with her studying, she frowned at the muffled knock on the main door of her apartment. Getting to her feet, she blew out the candles for safety as she walked to the door. Calling out, she hesitated with her hand over the lock until she heard who it was. 

    Hearing Rei's voice, she unlocked and opened the door, gesturing her inside. "What is it?"

    Smiling a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, Rei cleared her throat nervously. "Did you know that Usagi was dating Mamoru?"

    Makoto's eyes widened. "What? Rei, that's crazy. Have you been getting enough sleep?"

    Sighing, Rei glared at her. "I'm not imagining things," she grumbled before explaining it to the girl. Sinking down on the edge of the sofa, Makoto talked it over with Rei. Their friend was upset over a man's refusal to speak of his dreams, and was going to resort to actions that had been banned on the Moon. 

    "Would Usagi really go through with it?" Makoto wondered. 

    Rei glanced down to where her hands were clasped tightly in her lap. "I think that she would, given the opportunity. I've never known Usagi to have a boyfriend before, and she might take it a little too far. If she gets too possessive…"

    "It's possible that she will forego her duties as Sailor Moon and become lax in her guardianship and fighting." Makoto paused. "Perhaps even put us all in danger if she refuses the position in favor of trying to gain Mamoru's eye."

    None of them were quite clear on their pasts, but they did know that Usagi was an integral part of it. While the girl wasn't the best fighter, or even a good strategist, she was part of the team. You couldn't just break up such a close-knit group without getting some sort of consequences. And if a guy was the reason for Sailor Moon's attention to wane, then the situation would have to be dealt with accordingly. Offering her friend some tea to fill the time, the two girls contemplated the situation to the best of their ability. Makoto's English homework would be dealt with later; Senshi business came first.

    "Do you think Serenity outlawed the mind-meld because it was being used like this; to get into the heads of innocents, just because they couldn't tell information that they didn't know?" Makoto wondered aloud. 

    Rei frowned. "It's possible. I can recall that the mind-meld was banned, however a few revolutionaries kept the practice because they believed that it aided Queen Serenity."

    "And yet Serenity had them executed because they refused to follow the simple law."

    Looking at the other girl, Rei felt a kinship with Makoto that she hadn't felt in a century of life. Finally, after living as Hino Rei for this lifetime, she was part of something; she belonged. As a Senshi, reborn into this world, she knew who she was. If they could solve the mystery of Mamoru's existence and his knowledge of Serenity and the Moon Kingdom then perhaps life would settle down. 

    Memories of the Moon Kingdom were scattered like leaves in the wind; merely fragments shining like a mirror broken in dozens of tiny glass shards. For all of the girls, it was a test to recall who they had been, what they had accomplished, and how they had felt so long ago. A whole different life, and yet irrevocably intertwined with this one, the confusion would break a lesser person. But so far, the girls had held up quite admirably. 

    Hopefully Usagi wouldn't break under the strain, but it appeared that many of the recent events had become too much for her to bear. Rei was understandably worried about her, especially because Usagi had failed to bring to light her stress-inducing relationship with Mamoru because she had feared the effect it would have on Rei. Usagi was a good friend, sometimes too much for her own safety. 

*** 

    The bustling city of Tokyo was once again the familiar background to Mamoru's travels. Having been accustomed to the relative quiet and peacefulness of his uncle's resort, he now found the city to be a bit annoying in its liveliness. Taking measured steps down the familiar route towards the arcade, he ran through the explanation he would give to Motoki upon seeing him. Surely the man would still be on duty, working the day through to earn money for his college tuition. 

    Explaining his absence and lack of communication would not be the easiest thing, considering that much of it had to do with his confused feelings for Usagi. Mamoru simply couldn't tell anyone that he and Usagi had reached such a point in their relationship and therefore he had no one to advise him on what to do now that it was falling apart. 

    Pausing in front of the automatic doors as they slid open, he entered the familiar room, welcoming the cool air from the air conditioner. He heard the tinny sounds of cartoon-like battle or jingling musical notes coming from the video games situated across the room; the loud laughing from exuberant schoolgirls and the low murmur of talk from the older crowd enjoying a cup of coffee. Spotting Motoki behind the counter, Mamoru moved to take a seat on the stool he used to frequent.

    Catching Motoki's attention, he grinned at the man's surprised look. "Mamoru!" he cried as he walked over. "I wasn't expecting you back. Everything going all right?"

    Mamoru nodded. "My aunt and uncle are pretty amazing. It's great to finally have family. Their resort is like a piece of heaven, too."

    Out of long habit, Motoki placed a cup of coffee in front of the other man, who peered into it skeptically. "It's black, strong, like you like it," Motoki said, a hint of a grin teasing at his lips. "Did you think I'd forget how you took your coffee?"

    "Just making sure you aren't trying to poison me for being gone so long without a word," Mamoru retorted.

    Laughing, Motoki shook his head at the man's good humor. Motoki had been under the impression that Mamoru would be in a sour mood after Usagi's way of speaking. Come to think of it, though, she hadn't spoken about him in awhile. Maybe they had gotten in a fight like the old days and things were returning to normal between the two feuding parties. Settling down in a chair behind the counter, he grinned across the tabletop at his friend. 

    "So- any good females out there in the sticks?"

    Mamoru sipped at his coffee, looking at Motoki over the rim of the cup. "I wasn't really paying attention to the guests. I do have a responsibility to keep up the respectable image of my uncle's resort," he reminded him. "Besides, it isn't 'the sticks' as you call it; it's just not the city."

    "Next thing I know you'll be telling me that Tokyo can learn a lesson from that place," Motoki laughed. 

    Shrugging, Mamoru stared in the depths of the bitter-tasting brew. "You can't understand the peace until you go there. I didn't think I would like it, but… It's amazing."

    Motoki frowned, then chuckled. "Never thought I'd hear you say that you liked the country lifestyle. Aren't you the same guy with such a fast-paced life? I was almost certain that you had coffee in your veins!"

    Rolling his eyes, Mamoru shoved away the half-full cup. "I grew up in Tokyo; it was a way of life for me. But after living so peacefully, it's almost hard to come back."

    "Why didn't you stay?"

    Mamoru met the man's gaze steadily. "I missed the people here."

    With that statement, Motoki knew not to question his reasons. If Mamoru had wanted to come back, that was his business. Wiping down the counter, Motoki removed the rejected cup, glancing at the door as a familiar group of teens walked through. "Usagi and her friends are here," he commented matter of factly.

    Mamoru stiffened slightly, and if Motoki hadn't known him so well he wouldn't have noticed it. Purposely keeping his eyes away from the girls who slid into a nearby booth, he motioned for another coffee. Frowning, Motoki set it down in front of him, hesitating only slightly before saying, "Are you and Usagi still talking, or are you just avoiding her because you're in a public place?"

    Glaring at him, Mamoru sipped at the steaming coffee, gripping the handle savagely. "We talked only out of necessity," he growled. "I won't speak to her now that I'm back in Tokyo; I don't have a need for it."

    Hearing a gasp behind him, he turned to see the hurt face of Usagi, her hand drawing back from where she'd been able to touch his shoulder to get his attention. Taking a step back, she swallowed heavily before turning, running from the arcade. Her friends called her name in confusion as they walked up to order their food. Wincing, Mamoru ran a hand through his hair. He was confused about his feelings for Usagi, but he had never meant to hurt her. He had just wanted some more time to figure out what he was going to do. 

    "What was that about?" Makoto wondered, eyeing Mamoru nervously. 

    Only Rei and Makoto, so far, knew about Usagi's plan to use the mind-meld, but the others knew about her relationship with Mamoru. Motoki shook his head, looking at Mamoru in curiosity. "I don't know. Maybe she just remembered something she had to do."

    Mamoru looked down at the scuffed countertop, mentally telling himself to relax. Usagi's friends wouldn't know anything about them, so he had no reason to be nervous that they would berate him for upsetting her. Gulping down the fresh coffee, barely noticing that it burnt his throat on the way down, he got his feet and threw down some money for it. "I'll talk with you later, Motoki."

    As he left the arcade, Mamoru's footsteps turned toward his apartment building. He had kept it open just in case he decided to come back to Tokyo, and now he was living there again. For how long, he didn't know, but at least until he saw Sailor Moon again. Sometimes his life got confused, and he didn't know if he was Mamoru or Tuxedo Kamen; if he was supposed to be caring for Usagi or Sailor Moon. 

    There was a fine line between the two lives he led, and lately they had been blurring together. Perhaps it was only because Tuxedo Kamen hadn't been making any appearances, and Mamoru's personality was beginning to feel smothered by the pressures of life. There was no question in his mind that he had two personalities, one of them a masked man who saved short-skirted girls in the midst of a bustling city. But, for all intents and purposes, Tuxedo Kamen was a mystery and Chiba Mamoru the only _true_ person -- the one that mattered in the public's eye, anyway.

    Once back in his apartment, Mamoru took himself to bed, grabbing a box of lemon cookies on the way. The neighbor who had been looking after his apartment for him had stocked the shelves with food, mostly sweets. She was an elderly, grandmother sort and had enjoyed taking care of the place. Mamoru had never been a big fan of lemon cookies -- especially not the 'reduced fat' as it proclaimed on the label -- but it was a night to lay in bed, munching on cookies and staring blankly at the TV. Why he suddenly felt like a teenage girl, he couldn't say, but he pushed the foolish thought away and lay there until he fell asleep, the empty box falling to the floor silently. 

*** 

    _If ever you think of me, know that my love shines on…_

    Usagi didn't know where the thought came from, but as she lay on sheets wet with the moisture from her tears, she knew that Mamoru's rejection of her would hurt for a long time. And even if he never came back, she would hold onto the memories of their nights together. Pushing aside the self-pity, she pushed herself to her feet and walked over to the notebook lying on the desk. Picking it up, she sunk into the chair and flipped through the pages. 

    Luna had instructed her on how to do a mind-meld, even if it was only supposed to be done by the feline's. Usagi would be able to tap into the powers she had as the guardian of the princess, and thereby be able to see into Mamoru's head. Reading the notes and committing them to memory, she retrieved a cheap Bic lighter from her desk drawer, burning the papers in a small candy dish. It wouldn't do to have any see the scribbled notes and come to a conclusion that Usagi was part of the occult or some other foolishness. Side-notes of magic and mind-reading would lead fools like her younger brother to such an idea, and she would never be free to do her duty as guardian. 

    Nose twitching slightly at the scent of charred paper, Usagi moved to look out the window at the full moon. Tonight, she would corner Mamoru in the sanctuary of his apartment and see what his memories held. Just how did he know of Serenity; why did he dream of her? They were questions that would be answered by using forbidden methods at risk of censure from the long-gone moon queen who had fallen along with her kingdom. 

    Grabbing a dark jacket, she slipped it on and put her hair up in a messy bun. It was far too late to try to wrestle her hair into the trademark odango-style. Sneaking out of the house, she was glad that she didn't run into her parents, because that would raise too many questions she couldn't answer. While most teenagers snuck out to go to a party or be with a man their parents didn't like, Usagi snuck out to probe into her lover's mind and/or fight evil as the guardian of a still-lost moon princess.

    As she walked down the street, she paused as her communicator beeped. Taking it out, she pressed the blinking button with the symbol of Venus on it. The girl informed her that there was an attack near a newly-opened pub and drunks were stumbling onto the battlefield, putting themselves at risk. Knowing that she was needed, Usagi detoured away from her intended destination, going to help her comrades. 

*** 

    Pain like he'd never felt before raced through Mamoru's joints as he ran across the rooftops, headed for the seedier part of the city. He had been awakened from a deep sleep by the crippling pain that meant Sailor Moon was in trouble and, as always, Tuxedo Kamen had headed off to the rescue. Maybe the pain was sharper now because he'd been neglecting her for so long, but it was so that he could hardly walk.

    Pausing in an alleyway near the commotion, he looked out to see what was going on. The Senshi were fighting admirably against a youma of considerable size, but apparently not much intelligence. Watching them, he reached into the folds of his jacket for an enchanted rose. Surely they would need his assistance soon enough. Sailor Moon wasn't the best fighter, after all, and the others couldn't be bothered to look after her. The battlefield was eat or be eaten, and Sailor Moon hadn't yet grasped that _she_ was the food.

    Brilliant blue eyes moved behind the half-mask, careful not to miss any of the details. The battle was winding down, the very generic youma already worn out from the unending attacks. If he didn't know better, he would swear that the enemy had deliberately sent a lower-class youma to test the strength of the Senshi. As a stray fireball -- Mars' attacks must be off today, he thought -- headed toward Sailor Moon, he reflexively threw the rose and stopped the fatal fireball. 

    Four pairs of surprised eyes turned to where he stepped from the shadows - none as surprised as Sailor Moon's, however. "Fight well!" he called, having lost his zest for flowery poetry after his stay at the resort. It just wasn't… him. 

    Knowing that her masked man was there for backup, Sailor Moon quickly dispatched the youma with a flurry of activity. Turning to Tuxedo Kamen after the youma was destroyed with a scream, she stepped forward, hope shining in her eyes. "I've… been worried," she said slowly. What did someone say to a man you didn't really know who had disappeared? 

    He nodded briskly. "I've had to take care of a few things outside of Tokyo."

    "Does this mean you're back to stay?" Mars asked, a little breathlessly.

    His eyes shifted to the girl's violet gaze. "No." He looked up toward the night sky, his voice distant. "There is no reason for me to stay in Tokyo, and… I have business elsewhere in Japan. I had a new life which does not concern any of you. Tuxedo Kamen is dead." 

    A round of gasps went up around the girls. Was their hero really giving up? "But we need you!" Sailor Moon cried. "We can't defeat the Dark Kingdom without--" 

    He laughed harshly. "What sort of warriors are you? You don't need me; I'm not a part of your team. Just because I saved you out of the goodness of my heart a few times does not make me your comrade. Is that understood? Grow up." 

    The man walked off, his cape swirling in the wind with a snap. Sailor Moon turned her eyes to the others, the sound of Tuxedo Kamen's retreating footsteps echoing in her mind. His last words echoed in her mind like a heartbreaking mantra. _Grow up_…

    "Usagi?"

    She heard Rei's concerned voice as if it were down a long tunnel and had to force herself to turn to face her. "It's all right," she said, making herself sound cheerful. "It's not like Tuxedo Kamen and I have any sort of relationship. If business is taking him away from Tokyo, that's his life. We're just … disturbances to his normal life, and we never believed that he would be around permanently." 

    Clearing her throat, Mercury rubbed at the bridge of her nose as if expecting her glasses to be resting there. "The probability of Tuxedo Kamen not having a life is quite low. After all, he is a handsome young man, most likely rich judging from his spotless outfit."

    Jupiter laughed, slapping Sailor Moon on the back. "What's the problem? It's not like he's your boyfriend or anything."

    She nodded. "I know." But how did you explain that something in your heart felt as if it was tearing apart? Tuxedo Kamen was a mysterious masked man who saved her a time or two, but her soul didn't recognize him as such. Her heart somehow felt that he wasn't merely a puzzling man, but instead he meant much more to her. But why? 

    Magical occurrences had happened so much in her life lately that Usagi had stopped questioning it, and even this odd soul-connection wasn't up for question. If she felt it, then it had to be true. So who was the man behind the mask? She couldn't let that distract her, though. She still had a purpose for tonight -- to use the illegal mind-meld on Mamoru and find out about his dreams. Saying good-bye to the girls, she left with her mind made up. Soon, she would be able to find out why the moon princess was entering Mamoru's dreams. 

    Watching her leave, Jupiter frowned a bit. When she was ensconced in her private study, in the candlelight with her English texts, she was sometimes able to feel emotions that weren't her own. It was as if the atmosphere in the room was charged with magical powers, and linked her to Usagi's soul. Lately, it had been hurt and confusion that had stimulated the air. 

    "Mako-chan?"

    Venus' call barely reached her ears as she looked to where Usagi had disappeared. The girl hadn't yet found her way in this world -- some people never did. Some people never amounted to anything in an oppressive world, and Jupiter didn't want to see that happen to Usagi. She had to forget about Mamoru and/or Tuxedo Kamen before she could move forward in her life. Why couldn't she see that? 

*** 

    Mamoru stretched out on his sofa, looking at the warming glass of soda in his hand. After saving Sailor Moon and leaving with a brusque comment of her immaturity, he felt that he deserved a bit of relaxation. Perhaps Tuxedo Kamen was supposed to disappear so that Chiba Mamoru could become the person he was supposed to be. As of yet, Mamoru hadn't figured out how he was supposed to ignore the ripping pain that captured his body every time he was in close distance to Sailor Moon, when she needed him. If he was going to stay in Tokyo, it was likely that he would feel it at least everyday. 

    Sighing, he flipped through the TV channels, finding nothing of interest. The quality of late-night programming had certainly gone down lately. Or maybe it was just because he'd been so busy at the resort and hadn't had the chance lately to sit down in front of a television. He thought over the battle Tuxedo Kamen had just aided at, finding it odd that the Dark Kingdom had sent an obviously untrained youma after the battle-hardened Senshi. Testing their strength, maybe? So far, all of the enemy's schemes had failed, but it was only a matter of time… 

    Hearing a noise outside, he frowned and glanced toward the balcony door. Seeing nothing but the curtains waving in the breeze from the open door, he set down his cup on the end table nearby, moving into the bedroom after switching off the television. It must have been his imagination that had him thinking someone was outside. He was on the fifth floor -- who would be able to get to the balcony? Laughing at himself, he got in bed again and sought the sleep that had been disturbed by Sailor Moon's subconscious call. 

    Stepping into the room Mamoru had deserted, Sailor Moon looked around cautiously. He had been foolish to leave the door open, even if he _was_ on the fifth floor. The heels of her high-top boots made no sound against the carpeted floor, but she felt nervous upon stepping onto the hardwood floor of the hallway. Tip-toeing so that her heels wouldn't clack upon the wood and alert him to her presence, she made her way into his room carefully. Once on the carpet, she was able to walk normally, and moved to his bedside. The even breathing told her that he was already asleep. 

    Removing her tiara, she leaned over him, whispering the magical words Luna had told her. She felt a burning sensation on her forehead and saw a beam of light hit Mamoru's forehead. Images, memories that weren't her own, flooded her mind and for a moment she was bombarded by the intensity of it all. Sifting through them all wasn't easy -- years of memories and emotions came flooding at her so quickly she could barely think -- but she searched for the ones pinpointing the moon princess or the Silver Millennium. 

    A vision of a woman in a white dress, her blue eyes pleading, stuck out in Usagi's mind. The woman was lovely-- obviously royalty without that self-imposed haughtiness. She was saying something, Usagi could see her lips moving, but there was no sound. Attempting to lip-read was like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle without a picture to work from and a few pieces missing. The woman was oddly familiar to her, but Usagi knew that she had never seen her from this point of view before. 

    Other pictures came to her mind -- most of them including the woman. She saw a few images of the Senshi, but Sailor Moon was no place to be seen. Perhaps she hadn't met Mamoru in their past life; that could be why she didn't get along with him now. Maybe she had built up a resistance to him in the Silver Millennium, resenting him because he had taken away the princess and her friends when she had been away on some sort of mission. That hate could have entered into this life, which would explain their reactions on their first and following meetings. 

    "If you continue to see Serenity, it will only bring destruction!" Venus' voice was clear, ringing stridently through the centuries. 

    "It is forbidden." Luna's calm voice was the same as it always had been, and it sounded as if she was standing nearby. 

    Usagi knew that the sounds and visions came from far in the past, but they all seemed so recent. Could Mamoru recall any of them, or were they locked away from him? Her concentration faltered, and she felt strongly emotions of loss and fear. She saw a doctor standing in front of her, sympathy evident on his face. "I'm sorry-- we couldn't save them."

    Couldn't save who? Who did Mamoru care about so much -- obviously in this life -- that he had lost? Then, she could feel it. His parents, they had died… He had been very young, barely old enough to comprehend that he was now alone. Usagi had known, of course, that he had been orphaned, but she had never guessed at the awful pain he must have experienced. These were second-hand emotions she felt now, and already they crippled her emotionally. How would it have been to have experienced them first-hand; having the pain handed to you freshly? Mamoru must have been very strong emotionally, even then, to have dealt with such a blow. 

    Breaking the connection, she sank to her knees, leaning back on her heels at the side of his bed. Her breathing was ragged, her eyes drifting shut with the heavy load of the images she had just witnessed. Luna had warned her that a mind-meld could be very dangerous for both parties involved, but Usagi hadn't been able to imagine the vividness of it all. Being privy to Mamoru's deepest feelings, his long-lost memories, had shaken her. One revelation, out of them all, had rocked her very soul. 

    There had been images, voices, that only one person out of the whole planet could have ever experienced. Images and thoughts that only Tuxedo Kamen would possess. But… How could Mamoru be Tuxedo Kamen? It seemed impossible, but Mamoru would have no way of plantng fake memories in his own mind. It had to be true… 

    "Mamoru is Tuxedo Kamen," she whispered. A gloved hand gripped the cool metal of her tiara, which she hadn't yet replaced on her brow. She had never thought that she could find out that two of the men she had trusted would turn out to be the same person. Both Tuxedo Kamen and Mamoru had rejected her in the same day, and to find out that they were the same person… It was almost too much to bear, combined with all of the man's memories. Past life and present, they all seemed to blur together until she couldn't tell what she had experienced and what he had. Was this why the mind-meld had been banned -- because the memory taking was so traumatic?

    Even with all of the painful memories, she could still feel the ones that were his way of dealing with things. The reason he had rejected her in the arcade… It had mainly been for Motoki's benefit, and he admittedly hadn't known that she was standing behind him. Tuxedo Kamen's reasons for deserting them… Well, that was understandable, as well. He had taken his life away from Tokyo and wouldn't be around to aid them as he had before. She realized in that moment that life would be so much easier for everyone if only they were able to read memories and emotions so skillfully. No misunderstandings, able to avoid hurt or conflicts… 

    She smirked. It _was_ dangerous to try the mind-meld; it opened too many possibilities that humans would kill for. The man on the bed stirred, his eyes opening as he felt the presence of someone else in the room. Wincing, she didn't even try to hide, sitting up instead.

    The man stared at her, rubbing bleary eyes as he focused on the head that appeared beside his bed. "… Sailor Moon?"

    She blushed. "Hi."

    "What are you doing here?"

    Mamoru rubbed his forehead, wondering if the cookies he had eaten earlier had spurred some sort of hallucination. Nervously, the girl replaced her tiara on her forehead, and he wondered absently why she had taken it off in the first place. "I, um, wanted to ask you some questions," she stuttered. "But when I saw you were asleep, I was going to leave. I felt weak, probably from the youma we fought, and I couldn't walk. I… was going to leave, but you woke up."

    He blinked. "You know that I'm Tuxedo Kamen?"

    "Umm… Yeah." She fumbled for an appropriate excuse. "I followed you after the battle. I wanted to yell at you for telling me to grow up."

    Frowning, Mamoru leaned back against the headboard, surveying her from underneath lowered lashes. "Curiosity killed the cat," he murmured.

    "Well, I'm not a cat." Sighing, she reached up to grasp her transformation broach. Her lover was also her nightly protector -- didn't that mean something? She had depended on Luna's guidance for so long that she wasn't sure if she should show him that she was really Usagi. Her mind was confused, and it wasn't only because all of Mamoru's memories were roiling within her. Also, she was confused by her own emotions -- mostly concerning Mamoru. 

    She toyed with the broach, her mind awhirl. Should she reveal herself, or wait? She had found out Tuxedo Kamen's identity by illegal means, so it wouldn't be quite fair if she just blurted out who she was. Right? Chewing on her bottom lip, she wondered about the benefits of staying quiet or telling him. 

    "You all right?"

    Eyes snapping to him, she stepped back as he got up. She knew she shouldn't be embarrassed, but she forcefully kept her eyes on his face. What if he was naked? She had seen it all, felt it when he was her lover, but… Somehow, it was different when she was Sailor Moon. A smooth chuckle met her ears. "Relax; I'm wearing night-clothes."

    She looked and could see that he was wearing normal off-the-rack men's sleep pants. All the times that she had slept with him, it had never occurred to her that sleeping naked wasn't a nightly thing for him. Perhaps, in her naïvete, none of the everyday things like that had bothered her. But now that she was looking upon him as Sailor Moon, not his lover, things were different. She could see more clearly, especially now that many of his memories and emotions were in her own brain. '_Will I have his memories forever?_' she wondered. 

    "You don't seem to be used to a man's body," he commented. "What would an innocent virgin be doing in my apartment late at night?"

    Cursing the flush that she could feel spreading across her cheeks, she glared at him. "I'm _not_ a virgin. If you knew who I was, you'd know that. I can't believe you'd say that to me."

    He chuckled. "You're right. We've fought side by side and I have no idea who you are. Much less why you're in my bedroom. Did something happen after the battle?"

    "No…" She looked down. "I just wanted to know why you told me to grow up."

    Confusion flashed in his eyes. "Because it's the truth. You're like a little child with a new toy. Things can't stay as they are, especially not where you're concerned. You need to grow up, to mature, or you are going to die even before the final battle with the Dark Kingdom. I'm leaving Tokyo; I can't be there to help you anymore. You've got to learn to do these things for yourself."

    Looking at him, Usagi knew the words weren't meant to hurt. For him, it was the truth. She was a child who needed to grow up before she should even consider fighting evil. "No one else can do it," she said slowly. "The power of the guardians can't be given to just anyone; they need me."

    Looking at her, Mamoru frowned a bit. Somehow, with her eyes so wide and nervous like that, she looked familiar. Like a deer in the headlights, she was poised for flight, only… There was something else about her; something that he couldn't quite place. Why did he feel like he'd seen her twice before, both times in something other than her fuku? A silken white dress; civilian clothes… 

    An image of soft skin beneath his fingers brought him up short, causing him to stiffen in shock. Why was he experiencing these memories? He had never done that to Sailor Moon! If anything, the only one he should think of in that way would be Usagi. So why get these feelings when he was near the super heroine? 

    Usagi stared at him, feeling his hot gaze caress her body. Gulping, she wondered why he suddenly looked at Sailor Moon the way he had Usagi. "… Mamoru…?" she whispered nervously. 

*** 

    **Author's Notes**: Okay, I had to stop here because I'm in immense pain. *anime-like tears* I have sharp pain in my side, which is traveling to my back. The doctor's are so foolish! They say it's a kidney stone (after I went to the ER a week ago last Tuesday) but I've had the same pain for a year. *sigh* So, I'll write and update in between pain. ^^;; 

    Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Please review, and I'll get a new one out as soon as I can. 


	11. Wings of Smoke

"**Wings of Smoke**"

    Mamoru's memories had stilled and were now like specters waiting in the back of her mind for when she needed them. As she was able to concentrate on the here and now, Sailor Moon noticed his gaze. When he looked at Usagi like that, it was welcomed. But looking at Sailor Moon in the same way, it was… wrong, somehow. Should she be irritated that the man had turned his desires to another woman? 

    Although, it couldn't really be considered 'another woman' since she was the same person. It was just that Mamoru didn't know that Sailor Moon and Tsukino Usagi were one and the same. She hadn't really had a clear plan upon coming to Mamoru's apartment; only knowing that she had to try the mind-meld on him to get some answers. Few of them were what she had expected, however, and she found herself oddly afraid that this night would separate them even further. 

    Not that Mamoru felt a man's desire for Sailor Moon, because she could overlook that easily enough. But to find out that he was Tuxedo Kamen… Well, it was a shocking revelation to say the least. Usagi didn't know what she had expected, but not something like that. Would it affect their relationship? 

    That thought drew her thoughts to a swift end. There _was_ no relationship after Mamoru had so callously turned his back on her at the arcade. She knew now that he had only done it so that Motoki wouldn't know the truth, but that also meant that he wasn't planning on revealing it to anyone. Would their relationship always remain in the shadows? 

    Seeing Mamoru's inquisitive look, she decided that she had been motionless long enough. "Mamoru…" she said again, knowing that he had said nothing after she had said his name the first time. Was he in shock? 

    Making a split-second decision, Sailor Moon's form shimmered in front of him until the innocent Usagi stood before him. Jolted out of his thoughts by the sight, Mamoru's legs suddenly felt weak and he fell into a sitting position on the edge of his bed. "Usagi?" he whispered. 

    How could his lover be Sailor Moon? Abruptly, he began to laugh, not able to stop even when she questioned his mirth. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "It's just so ironic. We were both hiding a secret from each other, and it was basically the same thing!" 

    She smiled, nodding slowly. Usagi was still nervous, but she moved to sit down next to him as he gestured for her to join him. "So… Now that we know about this, is Tuxedo Kamen still going to be going away?" 

    A frown creased the man's face and he averted his gaze. "I can't just change my mind because it turns out that you're Sailor Moon," he said brusquely. "Besides, my words were true, despite that it's you in that mini-skirt." 

    Sighing, Usagi lowered her eyes. She didn't have the presence of mind to argue with him. She only wanted to please him, and arguing with him wasn't the way to do. "What about, um, us?" she asked slowly. 

    Eyes flying to hers, he frowned. "I… We've drifted apart the last few weeks," he said slowly. "My work at the resort has kept me busy, and you… Well, what _have_ you been doing?" 

    Shrugging, she toyed with the blanket beneath her. "Senshi business, hanging out at the arcade…" She paused. "Just regular teenage stuff, I guess. I'm… not the best girlfriend. Maybe you should find someone else."

    "Usako," he whispered, caressing her cheek. "Sailor Moon or not, you're one of the best people I know. How can you doubt yourself?" 

    Looking at him, Usagi felt all of the old feelings come flooding back. Although they had been separated for a long while, and she had been frightened that he was in love with someone else, now she knew that those fears were unfounded. What they had experienced hadn't been lust, it had been a soul-deep connection that only a few special couples could have.

    The weeks of separation had left her wondering about Mamoru's feelings for her, but the mind-meld had opened those doors for her. The procedure was banned, but that was a law from a long-dead kingdom. Just because a few of the people from it were alive, did that mean that the laws still had to be followed?

    Unfortunately, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had somehow betrayed the princess by using a forbidden method to gain information. Taking a breath, she tried to block out the memories that flooded her mind -- memories that she should have no part of. Maybe taking Mamoru's memories in such an intrusive way had been wrong. Studying him surreptitiously as he talked about how sorry he was for the distance that had been put between them, Usagi was glad to see no adverse effects. Maybe, because he had been asleep and therefore couldn't be unwilling, it wouldn't hurt him as it had the rebels in Moon Kingdom.

    Wincing as a particularly vivid memory of blood and death from that time hit her, she realized just how much of a soldier Tuxedo Kamen had been back then. No… Prince Endymion. He had been engaged to Serenity… They were in love.

    _No! I can't lose him. What if he still loves her in this time_? 

    Uncertainty was like a dark evil over Usagi's thoughts, and even though she felt as if she knew Mamoru, it was possible that there were still some secrets he had hidden. Although gazing into his thoughts had been a link to the bridge of his spirit, Usagi tried to push away everything except the memories and emotions that were imperative to their mission. She refused to feel like a voyeur in Mamoru's private thoughts. 

    Taking a deep breath, Usagi managed to flash a wary smile at him before she got to her feet. "I should probably leave," she said slowly. "Our relationship is still very tentative at this point. Combined with the fact that we now know each other's alter-ego's, I believe this to be a very tense situation." 

    If she had taken the time to realize it, Usagi would have noticed that her speech had changed drastically for that short moment -- becoming more like Serenity's. Perhaps it was the memories she now shared with Mamoru that had elicited such a personality shift, but neither of them noticed. To keep one's emotions on a track where they wouldn't feel any negative sensations was a rough job, especially if they were super-powered teens fighting to understand a past that was long-ago.

    Mamoru wasn't a teenager, far from it, so an excuse of the dreaded "teenage angst" wouldn't work for him if anyone asked why he was so moody. Finding out you were killed, revived, and have many secrets of a past that you can barely remember (and being forced to fight evil for reasons as yet unknown to you) can do that to a person. By delving into his memories, Usagi had found fragments of a memory. A memory of death. His death, and the death of the woman he loved. Such a horrible image to be carrying around, especially if much of the puzzles concerning that life were left unanswered.

    Reaching out to grab her hand as she took a few steps away, Mamoru confronted her with pleading eyes. "Stay… Please?" He paused. "I've been lonely." 

    She hesitated, not knowing what stage their relationship was at now. They had seemingly distanced themselves from each other, and she had been forced to peer into his memories without his knowledge to find information for the Sailor soldiers. Using illegal methods, she had gained facts that perhaps even Mamoru couldn't remember. It should give her a feeling of guilt, but so far she only felt relief and a bit of nervousness about his prior relationship with Serenity.

    Could she really stay with him another night, knowing how he had felt about the princess? If their fates of guardianship had carried over into this life, wouldn't his love for Serenity also follow? Seeming to notice her reluctance, and perhaps the path of her thoughts, Mamoru said: "Nothing sexual, just… I want to hold you as I sleep. Please? I don't yet know about my past, why I'm Tuxedo Kamen, but… For now, let me love you." 

    How could she argue with that? Mutely, Usagi nodded and they spooned in the bed, her behind him as he held her hand against his heart. As she closed her eyes, relaxing with the heat of his body pressed against her, Usagi felt a sense of contentment coupled with a bit of the nervousness that hadn't yet left. Would he go to Serenity after they found her? If it was destined… 

*** 

    The ivory corridor of the moon palace was eerily silent; everyone grouped in the ballroom or the surrounding rooms. They were all waiting for the announcement of the royal engagement. Prince Endymion was a prize catch, and the crowds were abuzz about the news that he had chosen a bride. Speculation had it that it was a guardian to the Moon princess, because the ball had been hosted in the palace just next to the Sea of Serenity. 

    Chuckling at the thought of people thinking him to be marrying Mars or Mercury, Endymion downed the last of his glass of red wine, contemplating the crystal flute. He had escaped to the library for a few seconds' peace, knowing that he would be called to the dais shortly as the announcement was made. After a whirlwind courtship, he'd fallen for Princess Serenity in what some termed a lucky streak of fate. Endymion didn't know why or how he'd fallen in love with Serenity; he only knew that he had.

    Looking up as the library door was eased open, he allowed a tight smile to stretch his lips as the white-haired guard from his own entourage slipped inside the room. "Majesty," the man said as he bowed stiffly, ice-blue eyes meeting cobalt ones.

    "Kunzite," Endymion murmured stiffly, setting down the empty wine glass on the nearby shining mahogany table which held decanters of finely-chosen liquor. "Is it time for the announcement already?" 

    "No." The icy gaze of the head guard met his leader's. "I strongly feel that this should wait -- at least until the situation with Beryl is resolved."

    Ire flashed in Endymion's eyes at the man's words. "The 'situation with Beryl' can't be resolved so easily. You know that, Kunzite, so why would you try to make me wait before announcing my engagement? That's why all these people are here. My people need the stability that this union will bring! Would you deny them, your own people, that because you think Beryl needs to be dealt with before anyone moves forward?" 

    A sigh of irritation worked its way past Kunzite's lips. He knew better than to argue with his superior, and Endymion was aware of just who had the better hand in this battle of wills. Walking over to his guard, Endymion clapped a hand on his shoulder as they left the room. "Join me, my friend. We'll make this a pleasant night." 

    What he left unvoiced was his own concern about Beryl, who desired Endymion for her own. This engagement announcement would either send Beryl into a frenzy or send her running off to lick her wounds. Either way, it would grant both Earth and the Moon needed stability with their joint union. 

*** 

    Eyes opening, Mamoru watched a crack of sunlight fall across the carpeted floor, inching closer to the bed. The dream had been so vivid that he had felt everything as if it were truly happening. A memory, perhaps? So many things in his life were uncertain, and he had come to realize that he couldn't trust his brain with anything. He had gotten amnesia as a child after his parents had been killed, and he couldn't even remember his past life as a prince. If anything, his mind wasn't known for its stability. 

    Sighing, he felt the unfamiliar weight of Usagi's arm lax on his torso, and he recalled the night before. So she was Sailor Moon; the one he had rescued so many times. But now… Why did his dreams become so clear? Before, he knew he had dreamed of something -- someone pleading, maybe -- but he could never recall it. Why now?

    Making a small noise in her sleep, Usagi curled in next to him tighter, holding on as if she refused to let go again. Even in her sleep, she was oddly possessive. Did she know, somehow, about his engagement to Serenity in the Moon Kingdom? If she did, that would explain why she wanted to hold onto him so tightly. Sighing briefly, he squeezed her hand before easing out of the bed and walking over to the window. 

    He glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table, seeing the red numbers hesitating on 10:45A.M., and looked back out at the sun-strewn balcony just off the bedroom. The city was alive with the usual noises: horns blaring; calls from angry drivers; TV blaring loudly in the apartment across the way. Mamoru was amazed that he'd been able to sleep until ten with all of the noise that he was now unfamiliar with. Maybe he had been more exhausted than he had thought, or maybe it was just Usagi's presence that had lulled him into a sense of contentment.

    Leaving the room, he headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast. The night's trials had taken a lot out of him. He hadn't expected to have to lay next to Usagi without reaching for her, and any red-blooded male would have found it excruciatingly painful. He had respect for her, though, and had understood her fears. If their relationship didn't work out because of the specter of the moon princess overshadowing their love, it would be easier without any more intimate contact. 

    Waking to the smell of food being prepared, Usagi rolled over and felt the cold sheets next to her. Instantly upon awakening, she had recalled where she was; whose bed she was in. She had also known instinctively that Mamoru wasn't laying next to her, and common sense had deduced that he was the reason behind the mouth-watering smell that tempted her even now. Getting to her feet, she rummaged through Mamoru's drawers and slipped on a pair of sweat-pants, rolling up the legs and drawing the string tight across her stomach. Sifting through the clothes on hangers in his closet, she found a faded T-shirt, putting it on and padding out of the room. After a quick stop to the bathroom, she entered the kitchen and smiled brightly at him as he set down two plates full of food on the table. 

    If her smile was a little less bright than usual; if he was quieter than normal, neither spoke into the tension hanging heavily over the table. They didn't want to admit their fears and ruin their companionship before they had to. Both knew, or at least assumed, that after Serenity was found, their relationship had to end. Mamoru would become Serenity's lover, as it had been destined, and Usagi would find her own way in life.

    She was Sailor Moon, head guardian to Princess Serenity, so she would have to be in close contact with the two of them. Usagi wasn't sure if she would be able to contain her hurt over losing Mamoru, but it was necessary. Just because they'd fallen in love in this life, that couldn't mean that they could change destiny. Luna had told them all that the princess had been engaged to the prince, and apparently, that was Mamoru. Selfish or not, Usagi could hold onto the few precious moments that they had left together before she had to let him return to Serenity. It didn't count, yet, right? Serenity hadn't been found yet…

    "How's the food?" 

    Blinking at him, Usagi nodded, smiling absently as she looked down at her plate. "Good." She wasn't really picky when it came to food, but she did recognize top-notch cooking when it was placed in front of her. It wasn't quite up to par with Makoto's, but it came close. Maybe cooking had been more of a chore, now a habit, for Mamoru, since he had been living on his own from such a young age. "Does it… hurt sometimes?" 

    He looked up, swallowing the food he'd been chewing. "What?" 

    She looked down at her plate nervously. "Losing your parents, I mean." 

    Frowning, Mamoru lay down his chopsticks and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. "Well, I guess I don't try to think about it too much. Having them gone isn't really a constant pain, because I can't remember them. But when I see other people with their parents or family, or even close friends… it does hurt. A lot." 

    Usagi didn't know what to say to the naked emotion she felt in his voice. She didn't even know why she'd asked such a question when she already had his memories up until last night. A sense of wanting to hear it from him, perhaps, to know that he trusted her with such things. Clearing her throat, she went back to her food as she realized that Mamoru didn't want to speak about it any further.

    She wondered briefly why she had gained access to the memories that Mamoru couldn't even register, but decided that was the whole point of the mind-meld. A heavy sigh drew Mamoru's attention, but she shrugged it off. Somehow, making him privy to her thoughts just wasn't feasible for now. If she told him what she'd done, how she knew his deepest memories, he might never speak to her again. 

*** 

    "So you just took his memories, just like that?"

    "I didn't _take_ them," Usagi protested. "I just… looked at them." She could feel Luna's censure from across the room, but remained kneeling in front of Rei. She had come to the Hikawa Jinja after leaving Mamoru's, still dressed in his baggy sweat-pants and faded T-shirt, her hair pulled back in a messy bun. She had needed answers, and decided that Rei was the best bet.

    Shaking her head, Rei rubbed at eyes still bleary from being roused from bed on a day when she usually slept in. "If what you're saying is true, then we need to confront Beryl soon. Is Mamoru prepared to help us?" 

    "I believe the question would be: Is he _willing_ to help?" Luna broke in. "We've known for quite some time that Tuxedo Kamen's intentions aren't the same as our own. Why is he searching for the princess and Ginzuishou?" 

    Usagi lowered her gaze. "They were engaged, in the past. It's only right that he look for her, I suppose." 

    Luna glared at her charge, ire flashing in her brown eyes. "We won't even start to talk about your use of an illegal operation for personal gain. Just because you found out Tuxedo Kamen's identity means nothing. It was purely accidental, and you need to practice restraint. Do you expect to be able to do magic like the mind-meld wherever you go?" 

    "No, I just… I wanted to help find answers," Usagi whispered. She understood the feline's anger, and she knew that she had taken a great risk by practicing the mind-meld. But wasn't it for the good of the entire group? Luna's memories were more intact than any of them -- save perhaps Mamoru -- but it didn't mean that she could be right all the time. Even a cat's memories had to suffer the lapse of a thousand years. There were bits and pieces of missing memories -- ones that Artemis and Luna couldn't seem to find. They were assured, though, that once they found the Moon princess, everything would fall into place.

    "At least now you realize why the mind-meld was banned so long ago," Luna said, sounding even more miffed than Usagi had expected. "It is a great trauma on both parties, perhaps even more on the person who takes the memories. Thoughts, feelings, experiences that don't belong to you. Things that you haven't built up an immunity for. They can eat away at your soul; eventually killing you with all of the stress. _That_ is why the mind-meld became forbidden. Serenity knew that she lost too many good people to the emotional and mental stress put upon them by gaining someone else's private memories." 

    Clearing her throat, Usagi kept her eyes focused on the floor. "Luna, I know that you're angry with me, but I really think that I can control this. I've already been able to block out most of the memories except for the ones we need. I'm not trying to delve into his private life; just to see the part of him that is Tuxedo Kamen. The part of him that knew Princess Serenity." 

    "You didn't think about what you were doing," Luna reminded her. "Did you really think that you could get his memories, and walk off like it never happened? There are severe consequences! Just because they haven't hit you yet doesn't mean they won't." 

    Rei frowned at the exchange. "But isn't it possible that she somehow knows instinctively how to control it? Maybe as Serenity's guardian, she was trained to know how to use the mind-meld. It can't only be for feline's like you. Right?" 

    Luna shook her head, moving to groom her face momentarily as she thought. "I truly don't recall the exact workings of the mind-meld. So much of the past is lost to me; to all of us. Perhaps there is something just out of reach of my memory, something important. Usagi, you need to be careful how you use your gifts. Magic such as this cannot be taken lightly, and I believe it is only granted to you because you are the right-hand guard of Serenity." 

    Usagi knew that there were things in her past that she didn't yet know. For example, why hadn't she been around when Endymion had been with Serenity? Sailor Moon's existence in the Silver Millennium seemed almost non-existent. Odd, since she had apparently been Serenity's most trusted protector. Had she been too possessive of Serenity; not wanting to let her get involved with Endymion? Maybe Usagi had even been in love with him then, and tried to sabotage Serenity's relationship with him and had been sent away while the ceremony had taken place.

    Leaving the temple as Makoto, Ami, and Minako arrived, she left Rei and Luna to fill them in. The atmosphere in the room had become stifling, and she needed to get away. Walking to the airport, she flopped down on one of the benches and heaved a sigh. Sometimes watching the crowds of people relaxed her, but today she felt too high-strung for that. Something had happened last night when she slept in Mamoru's arms -- she had felt it upon awakening. Today, though, sitting on a bench and watching the crowds of people coming back to Tokyo after a trip, or group of foreigners looking totally lost, Usagi retreated back into herself for a measure of peace.

    The babble of voices was lost on Usagi as she observed the people hurrying to meet a cab or catch a flight before it left without them. People, scurrying around like little ants, although far less organized. People who knew nothing of the centuries-old battle that was being fought around them as Usagi and her friends struggled to keep Beryl from taking over Earth. Their lives were free of the battle-weariness that had plagued the Sailor soldiers; their minds free of the worries of how you were going to survive if a particularly vicious and powerful youma was sent out next. So far luck had been on their side, but there could come a time when the tide would turn and Beryl would gain the upper hand.

    Flashes of memory still came across her vision time to time; memories that weren't her own. She could repress it by paying more attention to the people around her, and she did so now as she watched a husband and wife saying their good-byes as the man left on a business trip. Sighing, Usagi wondered about their private life. Was it as picturesque behind closed doors as it was in public?

    Hearing the roar of the engines as planes took off; the distant squeal of tires as a plane landed on the runway, Usagi knew that life went on even if she took a few moments for contemplation. Her duty as a soldier wasn't recognized by anyone save her fellow Senshi, so she wouldn't get the government perks that other military personnel did. Her status as a soldier was only for a long-dead kingdom, and even if the news reports had sought out the Sailor Senshi to offer a hand of peace, Usagi knew that nothing would come of it. 

    The Senshi were nothing but super powered teenagers who needed to be controlled -- at least to the government's eyes. It was a pro bono gig, and Usagi knew that if they one day refused to stop in their duties, Tokyo would be destroyed under Beryl's advancing fleet. Thankfully, they were all still dedicated warriors fighting under Serenity's name. 

    Usagi didn't want to think what would happen if one of them woke up one day and realized that the Moon Kingdom was dead; they didn't need to fight as its guardians any longer. They were free to lead normal lives, if only they didn't have the sense of loyalty that refused to die. 

    Very few people understood the concept of true loyalty and devotion, but the Senshi hadn't lost it. Neither, apparently, had Tuxedo Kamen. It was a degree of allegiance to the princess that no one could match, and Usagi felt that society had lowered people's values. What had been in the Silver Millennium would never be again, unless Serenity was able to turn everything around once she was found. 

    Watching the families around her, Usagi came to a split-second decision -- but she would need a bit of help. 

*** 

    The prattle of voices was pleasantly drowned out by the soft violin music from the tuxedoed man in the corner, just to the right of the faux ferns. The linen tablecloths were pressed; the silver shining, and the wine just right. The food was divine, if a little unfamiliar in its richness, and there was no lack of pleasant atmosphere. The restaurant was top-notch quality, and Mamoru had to wonder how Usagi had gotten them a table on such short notice. 

    "Why did you invite me here tonight?" he asked, looking at her.

    Guileless blue eyes looked up from her food, and she smiled innocently. "Whatever do you mean, Mamoru? I simply wanted to return the favor of a meal, and we both know that I cannot cook to save my life." 

    A frown descended on Mamoru's chiseled face, but he let her dodging of the question pass him by. "How did you get reservations so easily? I thought that this place was booked up for months in advance." 

    "Oh, it is." She nodded before taking a bite of her sinfully-priced meal. "Luckily, Mako-chan knows the chef and he was able to get us a table after someone canceled." 

    Reaching for his half-full wine glass, Mamoru let the inquisition drop. Usagi had a reason for inviting him here, and it wasn't just for the food. He felt a bit guilty that he was the only one enjoying the fine wine, but she was underage, so there was nothing he could do for it. "I spoke to Luna after our visit last night," she said, drawing his eyes to her.

    "And?" 

    A pause. "Luna seems to think that we must attack Beryl before she is able to put anymore of her insidious plans in motion. Will you help us?"

    He sighed, replacing the wine glass at its position on the fine tablecloth. "I've already explained, Usagi, I can't. Do you really expect me to journey to-- Where was it you girls have determined her to be?" 

    "The 'frozen north,' is what Ami has decided," Usagi said, looking at him over the rim of her glass. Sitting down the Coke, she shrugged lightly. "We're following her lead, because none of us can make a guess." 

    He nodded. "North, then. I can't just pick up my whole life to travel to the north just because you _think_ Beryl's fortress might be there. What if you get there, and you've made a mistake? All of that planning, all of that time, will be wasted. And I can't take time away from my life. I have responsibilities. Perhaps you don't understand that, being a child, but just picking up and leaving Japan is not possible for me." 

    Usagi frowned at him. He had called her a 'child' and, to him, that was a correct assessment. Surely he didn't think she was capable of battle, much less protecting Serenity once she was found. "I understand that your life is far removed from mine," she said slowly, smoothing out the edge of the tablecloth in front of her, "but isn't it possible that Mercury's determination is correct? You may scoff at us because we are teenagers, but so far we've done a good job in keeping this world safe." 

    "That's just it!" he groaned. "You're still children; you shouldn't have to worry about saving the world from evil, or wondering anxiously when the next battle will be. You should be worrying about what guy will ask you to the school dance, or thinking about your upcoming test. Not this." 

    "_This_ is my life," she reminded him. "I didn't ask for this, and I certainly didn't expect it. Don't you think that I'd give anything to be a normal girl again; just spending time with Naru and avoiding Umino? I can't even see them anymore! I never wanted this to be my life. But it is, and I accept that. My loyalty to Her Majesty hasn't dimmed in one thousand years, and I can't let this world be trampled upon just because of my selfish wish for a 'normal' life. Don't you understand? The others and I… We can't afford to be normal; we have a duty." 

    Mamoru looked at her, careful not to stare. Picking up his wineglass as a cover for his thoughts, he nodded at the waiter as the man removed their empty dishes. "Usagi…" He paused as the waiter left, nodding as Usagi requested something chocolaty for dessert. She had changed drastically, in ways that he couldn't determine. It wasn't just her speech and new self-confidence, it was something more. Had her trials as Sailor Moon changed her? 

    She smiled at him a bit sadly as the plate with dessert was set down in front of her and the waiter moved away to another table. "I won't pretend that I enjoy it, but I can't change it. Memories like the one tonight will have to be enough for me, so that I can at least pretend that in some ways, my life is normal." 

    Usagi said nothing more as she bent over the plate, determined to get every last drip of chocolate from the rich confection. A scowl creased Mamoru's forehead as he regarded her in a new light. She wasn't just his former adversary or his lover, she wasn't just a super-powered girl who was too clumsy to be in battle. There was far much more to Tsukino Usagi than he had ever realized before. 

    "You asked me before about my dreams of a woman," he said, smiling a bit as she looked up in alarm. "I've had dreams, but nothing about a woman. At least, not directly." 

    She frowned. "What do you mean?" 

    Looking down into the depths of the dark-colored liquid in his glass, he scowled at the reflection. "I… I'm not sure, but I think it was a past life that I was seeing. The Silver Millennium."

    "And?" 

    "I was a prince, and engaged to the Moon princess. My dream, it was the night when we announced it, I think." 

    Looking down at her hands, she chewed on her lip nervously. Mamoru _had_ been engaged to Serenity, and he remembered it now. "When we find her," she said slowly, "you'll fall in love again. And I… I'll just be the guardian." 

    Mamoru stared at her, seeing the pain that she tried to mask. "Usagi…" he began, but knew that there was nothing he could say. She was right -- after Serenity was found, and after they defeated Beryl, Usagi would be nothing more than the guardian. It was the way it had to be. Their social stations from the Moon kingdom were far too different to hope for anything, and it was destiny that Mamoru be at Serenity's side. So why did that knowledge hurt so much when he looked at Usagi? 

*** 

    **Author's Notes**: Two more chapters maybe, or even just one, depends on how I have this go. Anyone have any suggestions for something they want to see happen? ^_^;; I always like input. Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. 


	12. Veil of Lies

"**Veil of Lies**"

The ice-blue eyes of the general met his lord's as he frowned in disapproval. The armored prince respected his friends' opinion, but in decisions that affected his life, Endymion could not make any allowances for Kunzite's wishes. "If I wish to marry the princess, that is my decision." 

Endymion's voice was cold; dulled to the general's pleas. It was his wish to join himself in a union with Serenity, and even his head general's wisdom could not sway that. A dark shadow was being cast over both kingdoms, but only with the combined power could they hope to win. Love had little place in the idea of duty, but you were doubly blessed if you happened to love your partner. 

---- 

The sweat-slickened T-shirt stuck to Mamoru's back and chest as he jolted up in bed, breathing in jagged gasps. He had loved Serenity, without a care for Sailor Moon. Had he even thought of her in the stages of planning his wedding to Serenity? Mamoru's personality in present-day Tokyo was far different from what he had been as Prince Endymion, he knew, but could he have changed so drastically? 

To go from not caring a whit about Sailor Moon, to loving her… Was the span of a thousand years truly long enough for such changes to occur? If he had truly loved Serenity, his love wouldn't have been transferred to another. So what was wrong with him? 

Leaving the bed, he wandered to the window and gazed out at the orb of the full moon, ringed by stars. It was the home land of his past love; the planet where he had spent many enjoyable days before the end of it all. Cobalt eyes sparkling with feelings left unsaid, he knew that to go back to his lonely bed would be a mockery of what he could have with Usagi. 

After his dreams of Serenity had begun coming back full-force, he had sent Usagi back to her parents. Sleeping in the same bed with her would be cruel, especially when his dreams of Serenity turned toward a more erotic nature. In none of the dreamed memories could he see her face, but he knew that his love for her had been genuine; it hadn't been a union simply for duty. 

So many things had happened since he and Usagi had started their relationship (a relationship that was almost an accident) and he could hardly believe it. He wasn't sure why his memories had come back in such vivid detail recently, but the only thing that he regretted was that he couldn't see Serenity's face clearly in any of them. Was it a subconscious way of protection so that he wouldn't hurt at the soul-shattering proof that would show that Usagi couldn't be his lover? 

----- 

The burning sensation that chafed her skin whenever she used her tiara had thankfully left, after the days of rigorous training Usagi and the others had been putting themselves through. In the wooded area behind the Hikawa Jinja, the Senshi met each day to train and practice fighting techniques. Battles concerning magic or hand to hand combat; whatever the terrain, they would be ready. Usagi wasn't the best at fighting physically, but she trained her body to take the blows when they came. 

Clenching a fist and sending a hard uppercut to Jupiter's jaw as she ran at her, Usagi felt the pull of newly-healed skin in her palm where she had been practicing her tiara throw. The collection of power at her brow and the sores on her hand all made her think that perhaps the tiara hadn't been her weapon in the Silver Millennium. She obviously wasn't skilled with it, the way the others were with their magic. So why hadn't she used it before? 

Rubbing her jaw, glaring at her from her position on the ground, Jupiter grinned before getting up and nodding. "Great form. If I was a youma, I'd be stunned enough for you to drive your tiara into my gut." 

Usagi grimaced, rubbing the now-bruised knuckles that had come in contact with the strong bone of Makoto's jaw. The mention of the burning discus made her wince involuntarily, but she shrugged it off. Using the tiara's power hadn't left any lasting damage, so surely she would be able to use it when they were fighting Beryl. Would it be enough, though? 

The burning sensation was, unfortunately, something that she couldn't get rid of, she decided. Even with nonstop training on using the tiara, telling herself how to train her mind against the pain, Usagi had failed miserably. Was it something that she just couldn't master? 

"Is there something wrong?" Makoto asked, noticing the depressed look on her friend's face. 

"No… Not really. I'm just trying to remember the Silver Millennium; how good of a fighter I was back then. Did I really have all the skills that Luna says I'll remember? It feels like this is all new to me." 

Makoto frowned, rubbing at the bruise on her jaw thoughtfully. "Well, you can defend yourself well enough with little instruction, and your tiara is powerful. We know that you were Serenity's guardian in the Moon Kingdom. Maybe the rest of us defended the outer circle enough that you never had to fight." 

"But wouldn't they put the _best_ fighter at Serenity's side, not the worst?" 

Self-pity hadn't often been Usagi's companion, but now she felt the confusion and sadness descending over her. So many things had happened lately, but there had to be something that was the key to the past. But what? 

Looking down at her gloved hand, she visualized the fresh burns that would be present beneath the cloth after she had just used her tiara. Scar tissue would form over a day, then for the next few days it would fade until it was no longer visible or pained her. The advanced healing was useful, especially when the battles came more frequently. And hiding it from her family and the others wasn't easy, but she had succeeded at it thus far. The others didn't have to face such pain, and she didn't want them questioning about why she did. 

What if it was because she had fallen for Serenity's betrothed? Was it her punishment for such a foolish act? Mars and Mercury walked up, trailed by Venus and the two felines. "Your fighting is coming along well," Luna said, her eyes studying them all. 

"The final battle will come soon," Artemis reminded them. "You must all be prepared, or Beryl will triumph." 

Declarations of war and Beryl's downfall swiftly followed the cat's statement, and only Usagi remained silent. After a quick conference, they decided that in two days time, they would strike Beryl's stronghold. Usagi was the only one who was concerned, but she didn't voice her worries to the others. If she couldn't use her tiara's magic, that would leave the others at a disadvantage, because they depended on that extra jolt of power against the youma. 

Even if she didn't believe in her own power, Usagi couldn't let her friends down. It would be a fight to the death and, even if she couldn't truly control her powers, she could at least _try_. Wasn't that what it came down to? An attempt would be better than nothing and, if that extra attack from her tiara could bring down the youma hordes, it was worth it. 

Leaving the shrine to tell Mamoru about their plans, she reminded herself that it was all for the best. 

----- 

"Couldn't we have at least gotten a fur-lined jacket?" Usagi whined as they trudged through the snow. 

The soldiers were wearing their mandatory uniforms, complete with mini-skirt, which wasn't the best for the cold climate. The training sessions had paid off, though, and they were able to pretend that they weren't going numb from the cold. Tuxedo Kamen had more coverage from the elements than any of them did, and he was envied for that. 

The mark on Jupiter's jaw had faded from where Usagi had hit her -- accidentally, of course. That had no bearing on their recent situation, however, it merely established the fact that their healing properties were far better than the average human. 

The last thing Usagi had expected was to be trekking across a plateau of snow and ice, her boot heels slipping on the icy surface. Scrambling for purchase, arms wind milling as she hit a particularly slick patch of ice beneath a snowdrift, Usagi fell to her rump with an exultation of breath. "You all right?" 

Tuxedo Kamen's smooth voice drifted over her and it irritated her, the way he cared. Didn't it matter to him that soon, after Beryl's death, when Serenity would come, that they would mean nothing to each other? "Fine!" she snapped as she pushed herself to her feet. The snow falling around them wasn't the room temperature soap flakes that they used in old TV shows in place of real snow; it was at a temperature where you could easily get frostbite or hypothermia. 

Standing on a snow-covered rise that was a bit higher than the rest of the brilliantly white expanse around them, Mars searched for their destination. "Mercury," she called. "Where is it we're supposed to be headed?" 

The blue-haired girl looked at her, scanning the data sent to her through her VR visor. Calculations that would be impossible for any normal computer flew across the screen and her blue eyes absorbed them all quickly. "Northeast," was her halting reply. "I'm getting readings of a central disturbance there; it's most likely a portal." 

Mars only grunted to acknowledge her words and came down off the rise, carefully stepping so she wouldn't slip on the snow as Sailor Moon had done. The spiked heels of her uniform weren't the best for walking in the conditions, but Mars made it look all too easy to negotiate the treacherous snow-covered land of the frozen tundra. Usagi could almost envy the girl, if it wasn't for the fact that they were all freezing because of the lack of clothing. 

As they all continued their trek across the frozen land, Sailor Moon couldn't stop her gaze from traveling to Tuxedo Kamen's back as he walked in front of her. She was still in love with him, but it was sketchy, at best. Why depend on those feelings, when he would dump her just as soon as his precious princess made an appearance? Maybe it _had_ only been lust that had brought them together. 

Shaking away the depressing thoughts, Usagi pressed on after the others. The sting of the snow flying at her would fade soon enough, if she could concentrate on other things. Ignoring her feelings for Mamoru was for the best, because he cared for someone else. 

_Must it always end in sorrow_? she couldn't help but wonder. 

Mamoru's memories had been suppressed behind a filter in her mind so that she didn't have to feel the sense of invading his privacy, but sometimes they leaped up unbidden to hit her with a sense of guilt. Did she really have a right to be privy to his innermost emotions -- even if she did have the power to see it? Trudging along in the snow, she thought of saying good-bye to her mother before she had left Tokyo with the others. Mamoru had never gotten a chance to do such a thing and, even if he had, he couldn't remember it. 

What would it be like to suffer day in and day out, not knowing the people who had given birth to you? She could barely even imagine such a lonely existence and, even with Mamoru's memories invading her own, she knew that nothing from the second-hand images and emotions could prepare her for such a thing. Life-altering decisions made in one moment had destroyed Mamoru's future only for the time that it had taken for him to crawl out of the hole he had been thrown into. Usagi knew that she could never succeed if faced with such odds. 

If it had been her in Mamoru's place, she would have sunk into depression and died -- spiritually if not physically. 

As they headed northeast, per Mercury's instructions, Mars felt the weight of an oppressive evil fall over the land. They were getting close to Beryl's fortress; the evil energy was strong in the air, like a tangible force waiting to consume its' victims. She knew that her ofuda, safely stored in a sub-space pocket, wouldn't be too much protection against the force of that evil. It was far stronger than she had anticipated, but the anti-evil charms would hopefully give them a few moments window of opportunity for attack. 

Venus, leading the pack, was busy reminiscing over her days as Sailor V. Although she hadn't had the advantage of working with a team then, now it was a far harder battle. She had never been up against an evil like Beryl before, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to try. Would any of them come out of it alive? 

"There." Mercury's gesture, to a point just ahead of them, captured everyone's attention. 

Rubbing her forehead at the edges of her tiara, Usagi wondered at the burning sensation as they trod on the already-packed snow. Apparently, the area around the entrance to Beryl's stronghold was used frequently, judging by the snow that had been packed down. As the burning on her forehead continued, she wondered if her tiara was powering itself up automatically; knowing that a battle was forthcoming. Was that even possible? 

"Are you all right?" 

She glanced at Tuxedo Kamen, unable to see his eyes behind the half-mask. It was a useful disguise, especially to hide his true feelings from his ex-lover. "Fine," she gritted out between clenched teeth. 

It wasn't that she wanted to be rude to Mamoru, it was just safer that way. Putting up a wall now, before it would be necessary because of Serenity's arrival, was smarter. It would spare them a bit of pain, at least. Traveling the frozen plain, on the way to the battlefield, would be Usagi's last chance at ogling Mamoru. After Serenity laid claim to him (as was destiny's writ), Usagi would be forbidden from even thinking lustfully about the reincarnated prince. 

Clearing her mind as they entered the dark cave, Usagi focused only on the upcoming fight. She didn't want to think about what could end up being a very bloody battle, and tried to force it from her mind. The youma they'd faced before hadn't bled, but there could be many different types of villains beneath the surface of the frozen tundra that could feel pain the same way as humans. 

Open-hearted, innocent-minded Usagi didn't want to think of her enemies as feeling emotions or pain, because to distance herself from them would make it easier to kill. Usagi knew that the others were used to battle; to killing and blood. Somehow, though, Usagi's stomach was queasy and the very thought of killing someone who was capable of intelligent thought. Youma who followed strict instructions, and could not think for themselves, were an entire different story. 

Although she was worrying mostly about the possibility of deaths being on her hands, Usagi didn't let down her guard as they entered the caverns. 

------ 

The magically-created atmosphere of the Moon was dry, even with the Ginzuishou's power. The summer day had been long, especially for those who worked for a living. Even with the magic and technology that gave them the atmosphere and living conditions of their home planet, the Lunarians in the lower classes still found much to complain about. As part of the newly-created Jovian Council, Princess Makoto wandered through the hallways of the Moon palace. She was greatly tired of the never-changing scenery of white marble and gray stone, longing for the lesser extravagant halls of the floating palace on Io. 

The Jovian Council had come to appeal to the Lunarians to allow battle-training for the Lunarian soldiers who, more influenced by their magical arts, hadn't trained for hand-to-hand combat. In the time of war that had descended onto the Silver Alliance, it was best that all of the armies know how to fight. 

What irritated Makoto most about the Lunarians was that, according to rumor, Princess Serenity didn't even know how to defend herself. Did the girl expect warriors to be there _all_ the time to keep her from harm? Perhaps that was the way it was on the Moon, but the Jovian princess felt very sorry for the heir to the Lunarian throne. Being helpless, especially with a war on the way, would be an awful feeling to have. 

Catching sight of the Lunarian princess just ahead, almost blending in with the white alabaster and gray stone, Makoto hurried on to speak to her about some lessons in warfare. 

----- 

The burning sensation on Usagi's forehead hadn't abated, and it grew steadily more forceful as they worked their way further into the caverns. Even when using her tiara against the greatest of youma, the burning had never been so severe. Usagi worried about it, but did not mention it to the others. Perhaps it was a warning of evil being so close by -- a reminder that she shouldn't let down her guard. 

Walking with the others, Usagi felt an odd sort of warmth coming from the stone walls around them. It was far different from the freezing conditions outside the caves that were linked by multiple stone walkways. The brown dirt and stone of the walls gave Usagi the impression of being a mole -- hidden beneath the ground, frightened of the sunlight. 

"Usagi- do you think we'll be able to pull this off?" 

She glanced at Makoto, whose green eyes were stunning in their intensity. Whatever Makoto was thinking of, it was serious. "We have to," was all she could say in reply. They all knew, had to know, that if they didn't succeed, they would die. Most likely, the world itself would perish under the onslaught of Beryl's forces. Without the Senshi to defend Tokyo, Japan and the rest of the world would be taken. 

Drifting behind the group, Mamoru studied Usagi. Her walk was slower than normal, as if she were weighed down by something. Emotional stress had never seemed to be a problem for the bubbly teenager, but he supposed that life could change people drastically before you even realized it. 

Seeing the way she carried herself, he realized that over the recent span of time, she had changed. Nothing too noticeable that would make her parents and school acquaintances ask questions, but a maturity that she hadn't possessed before. Maturity, however, would not be helpful in the upcoming battle. Faced with death, even the most mature of soldiers would back down if they weren't a hundred percent committed to their cause. 

And even when you truly believed in what you were fighting for, some people refused to face death's call. "Are we ready to do this?" Venus muttered, to no one in particular. None of them were truly prepared for what was to come. Physically, perhaps, but not altogether emotionally. How did one prepare a mind for such carnage? 

"We have to be ready." The words that came from Mars' mouth was what everyone was thinking, but none of them wanted to face the reality. 

The end of caverns was near; they could see the light just at the end of the tunnel, only a few steps away. The phrase "light at the end of the tunnel" flickered through Usagi's mind, and she pushed it away. It wasn't death they were going to face; it was freedom from Beryl's attacks. Stepping out into the light, they all prepared for battle; each in a defensive stance. 

"Welcome, soldiers of the light." A stone chamber, dark and forbidding, was directly in front of them. Across the floor, seated on an onyx throne, was the red-haired devil herself. 

"Beryl," Jupiter growled, gloved fist clenching reflexively. 

A smirk crossed the woman's face. "So, you've all come to contest my throne. Were you afraid that one of you, alone, couldn't stop me?" 

"Where is the princess?" Tuxedo Kamen called, brown eyes focused on the queen of darkness. 

Usagi felt a crippling pain in the region of her heart at his words. Even faced with an enemy, all he could think of was Serenity. The princess was foremost on his thoughts and, she admitted to herself grudgingly, that should be true for all of them. Their duty was to protect Princess Serenity; not feel jealous of her. As head guard of the moon princess, Usagi felt ashamed that she could let her control slip. It just wasn't right, being jealous of Serenity. 

"Your precious princess?" Beryl sneered. "Can't you keep up with her, prince?" 

Staring at her, Mamoru felt his heart drop from his chest. The snide way Beryl spoke; it was almost as if she knew exactly where Serenity was. Had she been killed? "Where is she?!" Usagi yelled, stepping forward. Tears shone on the ends of her spiky lashes, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. She only had strength in the face of this obstacle, and she couldn't falter. 

Cruel, ice-tinged laughter echoed through the cavern. The soldiers of light registered, peripherally, that the passage behind them had been blocked by youma, who had crept up. The smirk that hadn't quite left Beryl's face now reached across it. "So, the head guard of Serenity tries to make up for her sins by professing undying loyalty to the princess." 

"I was always loyal to the moon kingdom!" Usagi burst out, squelching the questioning voice in the back of her head. 'But do my feelings for Mamoru make me unloyal?' she couldn't help but wonder. 

The soldiers stood in a 'V' formation, with Venus at the head, following by Sailor Moon on her right, followed by Jupiter, and Sailor Mercury. Mars stood to Venus' left, followed by Tuxedo Kamen. Mercury was attempting to scan their surroundings and find out the strengths and weaknesses of their opponents, but something was blocking the signals. 

Jupiter, always ready for battle, was busy assessing the situation; calculating how many of the youma she could defeat in hand-to-hand combat -- and if she had the strength to take down Beryl on her own. The dark queen looked to be weak physically, but there was no telling what sort of magics she had on her side. 

Venus, having subconsciously assumed the role of leader, felt an odd emptiness in her hands, as if a weapon should have been there. The magic at her disposal didn't seem strong enough; entering into battle without a weapon went against everything she remembered. 

Knowing that her ofuda would have little effect on anyone in the caverns, Mars focused herself on trying to locate Serenity's aura. If, as Beryl wanted them to believe, she was somewhere nearby or had been in the possession of the Dark Kingdom recently, slight traces of her energy signal would be left. 

Feeling utterly useless in battle, Sailor Moon shifted nervously, eyes darting around like a scared rabbit. The only thing that kept her from running away was the conviction that she had to stay and find Serenity -- for Mamoru's sake, if nothing else. 

The urge to protect was strong in Mamoru's bones. He wasn't sure who he was supposed to be protecting -- Sailor Moon, or Serenity. Should he protect Sailor Moon only until Serenity was found, and then shift his focus? He felt naked, without the comforting weight of his armor or a sword at his hip. A lifetime of training had left him with the urge to feel the reassuring heaviness of the hilt of a finely-crafted sword in his hands. 

Serenity's welfare was all he could think of at the moment, however, despite any of the rest of the things going on around him. 

------ 

**Author's Notes**: I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out. I've been working lately, and it's pretty tiring. ;; No space for some writing or, if I do get the time, I'm not inspired at all, and it's an awful scene or something that I just have to delete. 

Well, I hope that you all enjoy this chapter; I'm posting it just before going to work today. I thought you guys deserved it. =)


	13. Completion

"**Completion**" 

The mocking laughter of Queen Beryl swept over the crowd of justice fighters, alerting them to the woman's self-confidence. Even faced with the warriors of light, Beryl was far too confident in her own abilities. Or did she just trust in her minions to do her dirty work? 

'Serenity. . . I've got to protect Serenity!' Mamoru reminded himself sternly as he forced his gaze away from Sailor Moon's worried face. He shifted, the dress shoes not as comfortable in battle as he wished. Why did he have to get the wimpy uniform; couldn't he have gotten armor and boots? 

"Give it up, you failures!" Beryl cried. "Don't you see that you're defeated already? You can't even keep up with your princess! What sort of warriors are you?" 

"The kind that doesn't give up!" Jupiter yelled. 

Jupiter was always the headstrong warrior; ready for battle at a moment's notice. Watching her, Mamoru felt irritation that the girl hadn't given herself an outlet in case of attack from enemy forces. Where had all the rigorous training gone?

"Fool," he muttered as he made his way around the outside of the circle of Senshi; carefully fingering the thorned stem of a rose secreted in his jacket pocket. The fighting techniques they had worked so hard to learn would be of no use if they weren't used properly -- or at all! Eyes swiftly scanned the gathering of Senshi, displeased with what they saw. 

While the Senshi only fuzzily remembered fighting techniques from the Silver Millennium, it wouldn't do them any good in a true battle. If Beryl gave the signal and her minions attacked, the fight would be over too quickly, with evil the victor. He himself remembered little of the massacre-like battles fought in the past, but he had recalled much of the technique. Either the Senshi didn't remember, or they paid no heed to their remembrances.

'If they aren't careful, we'll all die!' he thought as he briefly cast his attention to Sailor Moon. The blonde's lip was quivering in the face of evil; her fear was too great to allow any sort of attack on her part. 'What a crybaby,' the masked man thought. When three of Beryl's hulking minions moved toward him, he halted in his progress. It wouldn't do to call their attention before he was ready for it.

"It seems we're at a stand-still," Beryl mused out loud. "Whatever shall we do now? I could kill you, of course, but it hardly seems sporting." 

Venus frowned at her. "You don't care about fair, Beryl. So why don't you just attack, or put your plan into motion, and be done with it? We're just wasting time here!"

Wincing at the prodding, Usagi rubbed the back of her neck nervously. Did Venus really have to make Beryl want to attack like that? It was dangerous! What if the evil queen decided to kill them just to shut her up? Usagi had noticed Mamoru moving away from their small group, but hadn't given a sign of her attention. He was probably rushing off to search for the princess, so it was of little consequence to her.

'You're Serenity's guardian!' a little voice in the back of her head screamed. 'How can you not care if she's hurt or not? It should be you, not Mamoru, who's looking for her!' 

Casting her eyes away from the heartbreaking sight of Mamoru's absolute dedication to the so-far still-missing princess, Sailor Moon took a step toward Beryl. "If you want blood on your hands, let it be my crimson life that will stain your soul," she said strongly. "If I cannot help my friends in battle, I will sacrifice myself for Serenity's sake."

Everyone stared at her as Sailor Moon's words echoed through the chamber. "That's crazy, Odango!" Mars yelled, an angry mask descending on her face.

Her heart was too large to care about her own death; Sailor Moon only wanted the lives of those she cared about to be spared. What good was life if Mamoru's love would belong with Serenity, anyway? 

Hearty laughter filled the chamber as Sailor Moon's self-sacrificing words faded away. "What a fool," Beryl muttered. "I hope you don't think that I would lower myself to such degrading physical work. My minions, on the other hand... Tora!" 

Stepping up, a Minotaur-like creature with sharp claws bowed low before Beryl's throne. "Yes, my queen." 

"Dispose of this goody two-shoes," the red-haired woman said, grinning with an evil air. 

As the bull-like creature advanced toward her, Sailor Moon raised her eyes bravely to meet her fate. If only one death was necessary on this night, she was glad that it would be hers. Death took away all the pain; it freed you from the chains binding you to an earthly existence.

"Usagi, don't!" Tuxedo Kamen cried, stepping forward. "You can't sacrifice yourself! What would Serenity say?" 

'Perfect Princess Serenity,' Usagi thought angrily as she saw the bloodlust in Tora's eyes. 'Why does everything depend on Serenity's wishes?' "I don't care if she hates me for it!" she screamed as she ran at Tora, impaling herself on the razor-sharp claws before the youma had a chance to react.

Belated cries of denial came from the Senshi, but it was too late as Sailor Moon's fuku became stained with her blood; her blue eyes closing forever. The Senshi stared in shock and horror as Tora pushed the limp body away from her, casting a dispassionate look at the crumpled form. "Usako..." The whispered endearment slipped from Tuxedo Kamen's lips as he stared at the girl's form in disbelief. 

The girl had sacrificed herself for a goal that might never be met. Tuxedo Kamen wished to sink to his knees in misery, but he knew that it wouldn't do any good. Sailor Moon had given her life for the cause; now they had to take advantage of her selfless act. "You'll pay for this, Beryl!" Mars yelled, charging at the gloating dark queen.

The flames of Mars' attack were easily deflected by Tora, who growled at her, showing sharp teeth. Raising a blood-stained hand toward Mars, the bloodthirsty minion cried out her rage at being cheated of another death as Mars dodged the attack. Beryl's laughter grew in volume as the hordes of youma surrounding the Senshi began to close in.

'Is this the end?' Venus wondered as she joined the others in a tight circle.

'Usagi's death was for nothing!' Jupiter thought in outrage as the monsters came ever closer, prepared for the killing.

Death was a necessary part of life, and as warriors they had all expected it. But none of them had wanted to see their leader hurl herself to her death, for a reason that turned out to be useless. Why hadn't Usagi thought it through? Mourning her leader, Mercury let her mini-data computer slip from her fingers and clatter onto the stone floor at her feet. It wasn't doing any good anyway; the signals were all blocked.

Ever since their team had formed, there had been an invisible, unnoticed force that had kept them all together. That force, they now knew, was Usagi's kind heart. Tired of the facade of strength, Tuxedo Kamen sunk to his knees, uncaring that the dirt was grinding into his dress pants, or that the rough stone was biting into his knees. Bracing his hands against the stone, he stared down at the ground through the half-mask he wore. Why had he let worry about Serenity's safety blind him to Usagi's?

Releasing the breath he didn't know he had been holding, Tuxedo Kamen forcefully relaxed his clenched muscles as he raised tear-filled eyes to stare at the fuzzy form of Beryl as she rose from her throne. Gloating, sure of winning this battle, Beryl moved toward the outnumbered Senshi. It was an emotional pain that kept Tuxedo Kamen crippled, and if it weren't for that, he would have lunged at Beryl and attacked. As it was, he could only remain in his prostrate position as the Senshi crowded around him, valiantly facing down the youma army.

Mercury seemed to be paralyzed by fear or depression; he couldn't tell which. Despite the reason, Mercury could only stare off blankly as the youma advanced with a blurred murmuring. Recognizing that the blue-haired girl couldn't defend herself any better than he could at the moment, Tuxedo Kamen spared one last glance at Sailor Moon's limp body before moving to thrust Mercury behind him. He had never cared much for the quiet girl, but if he let another of Serenity's guardians die, he would never forgive himself.

The girl made no sign that she recognized his movements to protect her, but it mattered little as the youma lingered just a few feet away. "Why don't we just attack?" Jupiter hissed, recalling briefly and without reason the moment when Usagi had hit her in the jaw during practice.

Shaking her head briskly, Venus cast an impatient glance at the other girl. "Can't. You want us to die that quickly? If we wait; bide our time... Maybe we'll get a chance." 

Tuxedo Kamen heard the tension in Venus' voice, but decided not to act upon it. The emotional wounds of seeing Usagi impale herself on Tora's claws had sunk deep. 'Why am I giving up?' he asked himself. 'I'm comitted to Serenity; not Usagi. Why should it be Usagi's death that frightens me so?' 

"Isn't there some way to fight our way out of this? We're just standing around like cowards!" Jupiter yelled angrily, eyes scanning the crowd of youma for possible weaknesses. 

Glancing back at Mercury, Tuxedo Kamen was irritated to find that she only stared off into space blankly. Usagi's death was a tragedy, yes, but was the girl going to let her sacrifice be in vain? 

"Your precious princess will be dead soon enough," Beryl said, her voice soft with malicious intent. "Or would another one of you fools wish to 'sacrifice' yourself for her life?"

"If we give our lives for Serenity's sake, it isn't foolish," Venus said. "Haven't you ever cared about someone so much that you would rather die than see them suffer?" 

Jupiter scoffed: "She's evil, through and through. Of course she's never cared about anyone!" 

A murmur went up around the gathered youma as their queen blasted a large amount of dark energy toward the brunette. It was highly unusual for Beryl to use her own stores of energy; usually she left the attacks up to the low-ranking youma who served her. Had Jupiter's words hit a nerve? 

"Never make assumptions!" Beryl screamed, eyes shining with a madness of horrifying intensity. 

'She holds our lives in her hands,' Mars reminded herself. 'And now she's angry!' 

Knowing that her ofuda would have little affect on any of the collected masses of dark energy in the chamber, Mars still had to try. As a Shinto priestess, her powers were a bit more refined than a regular Senshi warrior, but still rough around the edges. Especially after reincarnation; everything had to be learned over again. Taking a chance, she drew one of her ofuda from a sub-space pocket and chanted the anti-evil charm, throwing the ofuda at the nearest youma; Tora. 

When the bull-like monster only laughed and peeled the slip of paper from her forehead, holding it in blood-encrusted claws as it burst into flame, Mars felt a sense of defeat as the smoldering ashes fell to the floor. The dark crimson of the dried blood on Tora's claws reminded them all of Usagi's actions; her needless death. 

'Everything has a spirit,' Rei reminded herself. The chamber they were in was composed of mostly rock and ice. Could the kami of these two inanimate objects come together to help the soldiers of justice? Then she shook herself mentally; cursing herself for a fool. How had a bit of her grandfather's ramblings gotten into her head? The god-spirits of the rock and ice were only fanciful imaginings by the creators of Shinto; they couldn't really help the Senshi in their time of need. Rei still held onto her faith from the Silver Millennium; what little of it she could recall. But being foolish enough to depend on kami of rock and ice was a sure death sentence.

Tora had not been affected by the ofuda's paralyzing powers. Shinto had no place in the dark queen's chamber; especially not the belief in kami. 

Carefully stepping back, Mars felt the small pebbles shift beneath her heels. Reaching into herself, Venus felt the warrior spirit advancing. She needed to attack; to prove herself in battle against Beryl. To defend Serenity; avenge Usagi's death... 

'We need the Silver Crystal!'

The thought came unbidden to Venus' mind, and she frowned slightly. The Silver Crystal belonged to Serenity; it couldn't be used by her guardians. Clenching her fist, Venus' blue gaze bore into Beryl's unexpressionless face. She would pay for the death of Usagi... she and Tora. 

"Bitch!" Venus cried, mindlessly flinging herself forward, punching at Beryl's smug face. 

Her fist grazed the queen's chin, and the woman jerked back as Tora, roaring wordlessly, jumped at the soldier who dared to attack her mistress. Barely dodging the bloody claws that came at her, the momentum of Venus' desperate push backward propelled her into Jupiter's arms. "You're going to die, Beryl!" Jupiter cried as she helped her comrade to stand, still feeling the effects of Beryl's attack.

"It seems to me that you're the ones failing," the woman said smugly. 

His breathing becoming labored, Tuxedo Kamen suddenly found that he couldn't remove his gaze from Sailor Moon's crumpled body. The pool of dark blood that had surrounded her body was glowing -- there was something wrong with his eyes, he decided. Was it all the stress getting to him? But, no -- there, above the still body, a glittering object was taking shape. 

Suddenly, he knew instictively what it was: the Silver Crystal! 'Serenity is coming.' Oddly, the thought didn't give him the joy he had expected. Instead of feeling elated, Mamoru only felt disappointment. This woman that he had bonded with in the Silver Millennium was a goddess; a princess. Why had she arrived too late to save Usagi? An irrational anger sped through his veins, prompting him to conjure up a rose with the sharpest thorns he had ever created. If Serenity wanted to arrive too late to save Usagi from death, she could very well feel the pain of it herself! 

The plan was simple: Throwing the sharp thorned rose with immaculate precision so that the thorns embedded themselves in Serenity's breast. Not to kill her; just to teach her a lesson. 

If he had been thinking clearly, Mamoru would have wondered at the dark thoughts. It wasn't like him to wish pain on another; especially not one he was supposed to love. But Usagi had died for this woman! Surely there had to be some form of recompensation. Right? 

Gripping the rose until the thorns tore through the thin material of his glove, piercing his skin so that thin rivulets of blood appeared, only to be soaked into the heavier material of his jacket sleeve, Tuxedo Kamen watched the Silver Crystal come into being. Serenity would show herself soon. Too late to be of any use to Usagi, but just soon enough to save the rest of her guardians. Did she hate Usagi for capturing Mamoru's heart, if only briefly? 

"Serenity..." 

The hushed whisper was from Mercury, who had finally drawn herself out of her stupor when Mamoru had nudged her, indicating the Silver Crystal hanging above Sailor Moon's body. "She's too late," Mamoru growled. "Usagi is already dead!" 

Laughing, Beryl turned to survey the Silver Crystal with the rest of the Senshi. "It seems your princess didn't want that girl to live. How sad." 

Mamoru was angered that it was possible that Beryl's words were true. Why had Serenity waited so long? "Could she have needed Usagi's sacrifice to show herself?" Jupiter wondered in a hushed tone.

'No, that's impossible,' Mamoru told himself. 'Why would Usagi's death bring Serenity forth? It has to be something different!' 

As everyone watched, the Silver Crystal flashed brilliantly then sunk into Usagi's body. Waiting, they were all disappointed when nothing happened. "Now try to get the Crystal, witch!" Mercury yelled, very out of character, glaring at Beryl wish flashing eyes.

"We'll just cut her open," Beryl stated matter-of-factly, gesturing to Tora. The Senshi had noticed that Tora seemed to be Beryl's youma of the moment, so Venus roped Tora with her love-chain.

"You've killed Usagi; I won't allow you to desecrate her body!" Venus pulled hard on the chain, bringing Tora crashing to the floor. Running toward Usagi's body, Mamoru knelt down and touched her cold face. The girl's looks were lying; they made it seem as if Usagi were only sleeping.

'Forgive me,' was all Mamoru could say as he pressed one last kiss to her forehead. Placing the rose at her breast, he got to his feet and stared at Beryl with empty eyes. Serenity was not going to appear; the Silver Crystal had been absorbed into Usagi's body for reasons unknown to them.

Attacking Beryl from this distance would be foolish, but Mamoru couldn't bear to see her gloating in front of Usagi's limp body. Did she have no mercy; no soul? He glanced to where Tora lay sprawled on the floor, irritation on her face as she growled at Venus, who still held the end of the love-chain that trapped the youma. Eyes scanning the rest of the group, he mentally took note of their positions and weaknesses.

None of them were close enough to Beryl to make a move, unless you counted Jupiter and Venus. But Jupiter had already been blasted by Beryl's attack, leaving her too weak to make any headway on the offensive, and Venus was busy keeping Tora trapped so that the youma wasn't any trouble for the rest of them. Still beside Usagi, Mamoru knew that he even if he did have enough time to conjure a rose and thrust it into Beryl's chest before any of the assembled youma got wise to his intentions, none of the Senshi would be able to finish the job. 

Their powers weren't strong enough, and Mercury's were only offensive, not defensive. Their plan had been to attack together; without Usagi's tiara to give the attacks an added punch, there was little they could do against Beryl. If the Silver Crystal hadn't been absorbed into Usagi's body, perhaps they could have found a way to use it. As it was, they had few options left open -- if any. Could they fight their way out, past the hordes of youma? Not without many deaths -- probably even all of them perishing, he decided with irritation. Beryl had managed to put them up against a wall and an army, so to speak, and Usagi's "sacrifice" hadn't done much to help. Why had the girl been so stupid? Reducing their ranks like that was foolish; a novice act! 

'I always knew her kind heart and childishness would get us in a lot of trouble,' he grumbled mentally. 

"I need that Crystal!" Beryl wailed, her voice rising with desperation. "We'll just cut it out of your friend. What good is that body to her now? She's dead, by her own will!" A pause, in which she smirked at the horror-stricken Senshi. "Cut her open!" 

As two youma advanced on the body, Mamoru stepped back, hand going to his pocket. His hand was still wet with blood, the moisture turning sticky as he conjured two roses, one for each of the oncoming youma. He silently cursed his ability to only use roses as a weapon. It was almost useless against the enemies; only like an irritating fly! But he couldn't let them disturb Usagi's body. To see her cut up, her body broken and disrespected in a search for the so-far illusive Silver Crystal would be an awful sight; he couldn't allow it to happen.

"Leave her alone!" Calling up the lightning from her guardian-planet, Jupiter threw a ball of energy at one of the youma, crying in triumph as the enemy fell to his knees.

It was a hollow victory, though, because they all knew that Jupiter had little energy left for another attack, and it had been shown that Mars' fire power had little to no effect on the enemy. As the other youma advanced, Mars ran forward a few steps before flinging a "Mars Burning Mandala!" toward the creature. It seemed that none of the Senshi wanted to see their friend's body disrespected, but their efforts seemed to be of little use.

'I've failed them... both of them,' Mamoru thought sadly, realizing that he had failed both Usagi and Serenity. Was he not meant to love someone; bringing them only pain instead of happiness? It seemed highly unlikely that any of them would be powerful enough -- even at their strongest -- to best Beryl and the horde of youma. Even getting rid of Beryl would be enough, but banding their powers together was useless.

Abruptly, Tora tore from Venus' grip, but she didn't release the love-chain in time and her arm was wrenched badly, eliciting a scream of pain. Fully out of her stupor now, Mercury ran to her friend who sank to her knees, holding her injured arm. Valiantly, the golden-haired warrior held back the tears of pain as Mercury carefully prodded the limb. "Broken," Mercury announced with trepidation.

"We don't have time for this," Jupiter bit out between gritted teeth. "We can't just stand around for a clinical diagnosis while surrounded by this much evil!" 

Luckily, the youma hadn't yet taken it into their heads to attack freely -- perhaps too frightened of Beryl to make a move on their own. Only Tora, who seemed to be favored by Beryl, had the presence of mind to save herself from the trap Venus had created. Injuring Venus in the process had only been a bonus, but it greatly reduced the effectiveness of the power of the Senshi.

Holding back her gasps of pain, Venus cradled her arm as Mercury continued to kneel at her side, hovering nervously. The blue-haired girl had little idea what to do, but she wanted to remain present anyway in case her help might be needed. A broken bone was nothing to ignore, and she could only hope that it was a clean break, and not jagged. The injury would be inconsequential if Beryl won, though. Death would bring a release from all of their wordly trappings. 

'No!' Venus told herself harshly. 'Don't think of death; that's what she wants! If Beryl sees that we're weakening, it's all over!'

The Senshi were still grouped together, except for Tuxedo Kamen who stood a few feet away, at the side of the rapidly cooling body. There was a faint glow that he had registered peripherally coming from the body, but it was of little consequence; a glow couldn't help Usagi live again. It was all starting to seem pointless; a battle with little reason. 

A broken bone had never been a result of any of their previous battles. Against Beryl and her army, it was far different from what the Senshi were used to. Doubts ran high; horror and fear crossing the minds of the girls. 'We're too young for this!' Mars thought nonsensically. 'We're supposed to be thinking about guys; school. Not fighting evil and saving the world! And why do we have to worry about life-threatening injuries, when we should be worried about a zit on the night of the school dance!?' 

More spiritually aware than the others, Mars frowned as she felt a large burst of white energy; a fully good spirit appearing seemingly out of nowhere. 'Serenity,' her mind whispered, already recognizing the energy signature of her princess. Looking toward Tuxedo Kamen, where the energy seemed to be centralized, she was shocked to see Usagi's body glow with an inner light. 

"Look!" Jupiter cried, all of them staring as Sailor Moon's tiara disappeared, and the caked blood on the bodysuit of her fuku seemed to glow with a ruby red light. 

"Serenity's magic?" Mercury wondered aloud. 

A fearful whisper went up around the gathered youma, and slowly the army began to back off. "Stay where you are!" Beryl shrieked, realizing that her crowd of "loyal" minions was slowly dispersing. "It's just one of their tricks!" 

"What if... the girl really is coming back to life?" the so-far mute Toka said, eyes wide. "I killed her; I felt my claws slice straight through her!" 

"It's a trick!" Beryl cried again, eyes widening as she saw that there was still a great unrest among her troops. 

Tuxedo Kamen had backed away a few steps from the now-risen body, slightly frightened of what was happening. He knew that Usagi didn't have the power to reincarnate herself. Was it the Silver Crystal's influence? If the stories about the legendary Crystal were true, then it had powers beyond a person's wildest imaginings. Surely a feat such as reincarnation would be a simple parlor trick for such a device! 

They expected to see Usagi's eyes open, but her body remained still; only the glow signifying the changes going on. Mercury had read many books about medical affairs, and she had acquainted herself with the rudiments of first aid, but none of her training had left her prepared for something so mind-boggling. Was their leader really coming back to life after being impaled on Tora's claws? 

Instead of the reincarnation that they expected, as the glow faded from Usagi's body, a transparent form appeared near the still form. "Serenity," Tuxedo Kamen whispered, staring at the floating apparition. She turned her head stiffly, smiling at him only slightly. Out of long tradition, the Senshi sank to their knees in a sign of respect, never minding the fact that they were in the middle of a battle.

"Never lose hope," the silver-haired girl said, her eyes full of an all-consuming sadness. "I know the past has been rough, and this life has been nothing but pain, but better times will come." 

"There's no way we can defeat Beryl without help!" Jupiter cried. "Can you do something, princess? Surely you can use the Silver Crystal, or revive Sailor Moon, or--" 

"Slow down," the princess said calmly. "I know that this situation may seem hopeless, but you must trust in yourselves. The Silver Crystal's power will not always be around to save you. Sailor Moon, also, is not merely here to save you. I know that all of you act as if you don't really need her; pretending that you are the strongest out of the group. But isn't it Sailor Moon's tiara that defeats the youma after you've weakened it?" 

Grudgingly, but with the proper amount of the respect, the girls admitted that Serenity's words were correct. The form began to flicker, as if an important TV show were receiving some bad reception, or a cell phone cutting out in the middle of whispered words of love between two lovers. It was the same emotions that the Senshi and their tuxedoed comrade felt, crying out in denial as the royal form disappeared. 

"What do we do now?" Venus wondered aloud, her broken arm hanging loosely at her side.

Mars, eyes aglow with an inner light from fighting demons and feeling crippling pain almost on a day-to-day basis, stiffened into a fighting stance. "We fight," she said simply as she held her hands outstretched and formed a ball of fire in the cupped pocket of her gloved hands. It still amazed her that her white gloves were never burnt or even singed with all of the fire she used, but had assumed that it was part of her magical aura.

She knew already that her powers had little effect on Tora, so she aimed for the root of the problem -- Beryl. As the fireball crashed into the dark queen's chest, Mars saw her fall back just a few steps, retaining her footing on the stone floor. Her eyes widened as a fireball, twice the size of her own, was flung toward her from somewhere to her right. Only from Jupiter's warning call and her own quick reflexes did she manage to dodge it with only third-degree burns on her left leg as she had twisted to avoid it. 

"You okay?" Mercury asked as her friend fell to the floor.

"Fine," Mars spit out through teeth gritted against the pain. 

Scanning the floor methodically, gaze darting at the patches of floor visible around the feet of the crowd of youma, Mercury searched for the mini-data computer she had dropped earlier. If the Silver Crystal's influence could somehow give Serenity the power to manifest herself in the cavern, then perhaps it would enable Mercury's computer to work somehow. No matter how she searched, Mercury could find no sign of her lost computer. Perhaps it had been crushed under the milling feet of a restless youma, which would certainly put it beyond her reach. 

'What an end for a thousand year-old computer. I'm sure Serenity would just love to hear how I lost it,' she thought sarcastically.

"If we work together, we can defeat Beryl," Jupiter said strongly. "Teamwork is all it takes! Weren't we successful when Sailor Moon was here? Well, we can't just give up! What would that say about her memory?"

Hesitantly, the others agreed with the Amazonian warrior. Battle was familiar to all of them, but fighting without Sailor Moon somehow felt wrong. As they huddled together around Mars, who couldn't stand, last thoughts and impressions of beautiful things in life flew through their heads.

Mercury: "The sound of Mozart's soft instrumentals."

Mars: "The sweet scent of cherry blossoms in full bloom."

Jupiter: "The sweet feel of a fist making contact with a punching bag."

Venus: "The joy of finishing a long-awaited manga."

They were simple, teenager-ish thoughts, but they were worthwhile to those who thought them. Feeling the idea of a "last thought" to be useless, Tuxedo Kamen only sank to his knees to lift Usagi's blood-stained body into his lap. Images of his time with Usagi filled his mind as he closed his eyes, awaiting the strident calls and rumble of energy that would soon fill the cavern. 

Psyching yourself up for a battle was never easy, but when revenge was foremost on your mind, it was a bit simpler than normal. Having trained everyday of their lives since they could walk in the Silver Millennium to be fighters, the Senshi were able to control their baser impulses that indicated they should flee.

Collectively, the four Senshi threw their attacks, each praying to their respective deities for success. They all wished for Sailor Moon's tiara to center the attacks around, but since it wasn't available, they did the best they could to hit the target dead-on. Beryl's mocking laughter was cut off prematurely as she stumbled back, not having expected the attack to be so powerful. 

'How did they get so much energy?' the dark queen wondered as three of the stronger youma moved forward to dispatch the enemy. There was no chance of Venus' love-chain roping the new youma who wished for battle; with her broken arm, it would be useless to even try. 

Shifting on the ground, Mars looked around her at the group of hulking, misshaped, assorted youma. It was like nothing she had ever seen before, this gathering of evil. And all of their power was centered on the trespassing Senshi, whose numbers were declining. The spirits of Shinto had never spoken to her directly, and truthfully most times she couldn't believe in their existance, but somehow today, she could feel that they were all around her. 'Have you come to aid us?' she wondered.

There was no answer, of course. If she did feel the spirits of good magic, it could only be her imaginng that lent them such feeling. There was an air of hopelessness in the cavern, but the Senshi couldn't let that stop them. They were warriors, first and foremost, and they had to be prepared to sacrifice their lives for Serenity if need be. 

'She's only a ghost,' Tuxedo Kamen thought blankly. 'Does that mean she won't be reincarnated? My Serenity...' 

"One more time!" Venus cried. "If we all put our power together again and attack Beryl, maybe--" 

Her words were strident, full of emotion and she cut off her sentence before it was finished. No use jinxing the possible outcomes of the encounter. As they cried out their attacks once more, quickly to avoid the oncoming youma, they all felt the softly sweet aura of the Silver Crystal surrounding them. Like the scent of cherry blossoms, or the feel of a long-awaited success, it washed over them and lent their magic a bit extra.

A bright flash of light filled the cavern, and when it faded, Beryl was gone, the youma murmuring as their ranks disappeared more moment after moment. When the cavern was empty, save the Senshi, Tuxedo Kamen, and the still body of Sailor Moon, they looked around hesitantly. 

"... Did it work?" 

Mercury's soft voice flowed over the group, voicing the question that they all wondered.

"Usagi is still dead," Tuxedo Kamen voiced tonelessly. They all turned to see the blood-stained body still sprawled on the ground, a serene look on her face. The defeat of Beryl had made little difference in Sailor Moon's death, and it struck them all hard.

Mars struggled to her feet, limping to the body, her face a grimace of pain. "But how? I thought if we defeated Beryl and Tora, she would be okay!"

The masked man shook his head, kneeling by the body. "I guess it didn't work." He paused. "Is this my punishment from Serenity for falling in love with Sailor Moon? I know it was forbidden, but..." 

After long moments of mourning, they all rose to their feet and left the cavern, entering the biting winds of the freezing climate outside. Sailor Moon's body would be committed to the earth; a makeshift tomb within the cavern. The magic of the Silver Crystal would die with her, but it was just as well. Too much evil would be searching for it if the Senshi kept it. 

----------- 

Three Months Later. . . 

"We haven't really moved forward since Usagi's death," Rei commented.

They were all gathered together at the Hikawa Jinja; continuing the tradition of the Senshi meetings. There was little reason for it, but somehow it helped them to let Usagi's memory join in with them. Every once in a while, Mamoru would join in on the meetings, symbolically taking Usagi's place -- or so they told themselves. 

After being exposed to the Silver Crystal's power, their memories had started to come back, piece by piece. Realizing that Usagi, Sailor Moon, was really Princess Serenity had been a harsh blow. Her spirit had appeared as Serenity only after Sailor Moon's death, and it made them realize how callous they had been in their dealings with Usagi.

"I miss her," Venus muttered, rubbing her arm that still gave her brief pains every so often. 

Their amplified healing abilities had helped their wounds heal quickly, and they were left with only the memories, or occasional ghost-pains. Somehow, it seemed wrong that their wounds had disappeared, and death had taken Usagi. It just didn't seem fair... 

Hearing a noise at the door, Rei looked over at the rice-paper screen was slid back, and her grandfather bowed. Ever since their monumentous battle, Grandfather Hinto had felt an awesome amount of respect for his granddaughter, and was hard pressed to explain it to himself. He didn't know why he suddenly felt that she should be treated as an Empress; as royalty, but he wasn't going to argue with the spirit voices that gave him the feelings.

"Rei," he said in a low tone, eyes downcast. "You have a visitor." 

She frowned, then shook her head. "We're busy, Grandpa. Tell me to come back later, all right? I'm not doing any fortune-telling or fire-readings today, and if they want tarot--" 

"I'm not here for the future, Rei. I already know what I need to." 

Everyone stared at the figure in the doorway, hearts in their throats. "Usagi!" they all cried simultaneously, jumping to their feet.

"Princess..." Mamoru whispered, barely able to believe that he was seeing her alive after months of grief. 

A soft smile appeared on the girl's face. "I had hoped that you wouldn't mourn for me, because I knew I was coming back. Not when I sacrificed myself, of course, but after, when I could no longer speak to you." 

"But what about Serenity's ghost? She spoke to us," Jupiter said.

"Couldn't you have gotten a message through her?" Mercury joined in.

Shaking her head, Usagi moved into the room and nodded at the elderly man as he left. "The two parts to my soul had to fuse together so that one wouldn't die and be left behind in this new world. That's why I've been gone so long. It is good that you chose not to move my body; it made it easier to come back."

Mamoru embraced her, his heart full of joy and hope to know that she had come back to him. Serenity or Sailor Moon, it didn't matter. They were the same person, and he loved her. 

The Senshi were overjoyed to have the girl back again. "We'll protect you better this time!" Mercury said, tears swimming in her eyes.

"I felt your love as I lay dying, after death," Usagi whispered, leaning into Mamoru's embrace. "Our relationship, our love for each other... It's amazing."

"Always," was the reply. 

----------------- 

Author's Notes: Well, this is the end of "Look into the Heart." I hope it was okay. I'm not too good at action/battle scenes, so I can only hope that this confrontation with Beryl was good enough. 


End file.
